Triggered Bad Last Night

[Esterio]

I was feeling ok yesterday until I was prompted to expose my trauma. I did and that brought back everything the perps have got hold of my mind again. I relived all of my crashes, accidents, abuse and other trauma to grief from lives lost . I not sure how many times I have panicked since then and I can;t stop crying now. It think it was a bad think for me to do at the time. I live alone so I was left to deal with this on my own and I can’t do that again.opening up is to difficult. So I am going to stay away from the chat room for awhile until I feel stronger again. I can’t keep up with the conversation any way. Now I just hope I can remember how to post this.

Peace be safe

 

[Nevermore]

@Esterio I didn't read your story but I understand how telling your story can feel really traumatic. many find it helpful and healing but I don't. For me too it brings up too much.
I live on my own too. It's so hard when you're feeling that terrible and no one there to hold you or even listen. If you accept virtual hugz I'm sending you some!!
:hug::hug::hug:
I've never used the chat room - don't really understand it.
I hope you're feeling ok now.

 

[Esterio]

@Esterio I didn't read your story but I understand how telling your story can fee...

Thanks for your post Nevermore
I'm doing so what better today. I spent yesterday with a supportive friend and had a better night last night. Thanks for asking. I'm not sure if I will go on the chat line again maybe after some Therapy. I'm starting EMDR in 2 days
What happen on the chat line was not really the story it came out as a time line of events. all it really did was make things worse. It brought everything back. I'm hoping through therapy I will be able to write the story and then maybe I can understand why I am how I am today and learn to live with it. I Don't know if i will post it but I hope I'm strong enough to. I think it is a story worth telling at least I hope it is. When I was in therapy 17 years ago I tried to write it down but I never got far it turned into negative experience. I didn't get very far with the therapy it was to difficult and I got to sick to carry on. I'm In a far better place now so I remain hopeful and positive for some results from therapy this time.
Living on your own is hard but I think I prefer it. I have been on my own now for most of 17 years. All but once I tried to live with a friend for awhile after neck surgery it lasted for a couple of months and I moved back into my old School Bus where I still live today. I'm happy there on my own most of the time. I don't know how anyone could live with me as there is nothing that stays the same for long. Sleep time is always changing.
Sorry I get long winded
Thanks for the hugs :-)
Peace and be safe

 

[Friday]

Yep. I've done that to myself a number of times on here. Share too much, or read something at the wrong time and place and don't step away, and bam. Whoops. It's taken a fair bit of practice to figure out my own boundaries on things.

Reading this might help MyPTSD - Reading Forum Increases Symptoms!

 

[Esterio]

thanks for the post Friday
Yes Boundaries I guess are important. finding and making boundaries is a good place to start. I think I need to do that in real life here too. I guess right at this time everything is at the surface and i'm screaming it out. I think it is trying to purge all that is has been stored there for decades. I will go to MyPTSD- Reading Forum Increases Symptoms.
Thanks again
Peace be safe

 

[Esterio]

Yep. I've done that to myself a number of times on here. Share too much, or read something at the wrong...

Hi Friday thanks for the post Reading Forum Increases Symptoms.
thanks. I went and read it and that makes sense to me. It was right one the point.
Thank again Peace be Safe

 

[Freedomfighter]

I was feeling ok yesterday until I was prompted to expose my trauma. I did and that brought back every...

Yes, I totally understand that, have been harassed severely and was able to communicate for a little while, but now I am feeling the pain too strong and will have to sign off until I feel better.

We understand how someone with PTSD needs those periods of no communication in order to get healthy themselves and in order to heal. That is something that someone without PTSD will never understand.

 

[Esterio]

Yes, I totally understand that, have been harassed severely and was able to communicate for a li...

thanks for the post Freedomfighter
it is good to take a break and let it all sink in. I'm here if you ever need some one to talk to or maybe to scream at if thats how you can get it out. I try really hard not to get offended and if I do I go to my corner for awhile. Some times I need to spend to much time in the corner. we only have today and I try to make the best it. some days that no good but others are better. so if you ever want to talk. I'm around a lot. I haven't figured out the site very well yet but I'm starting to find my way around.
Be Safe Peace
have a good break hope you can sleep

 

[Nevermore]

@Freedomfighter it's so interesting to me when you talk of your desire to tell the story, to write it down - and yes, I am sure it's a story worth telling!
I have often felt the same - if I could write it out in all its detail, tell the human story of how a person, me, got from A to Z, make sense of my reactions, uncover the hypocrisies that live within our society, perhaps reach another human being going through similar circumstances. How liberating it would be!
That's a book worth reading!
i wish that was a form of therapy. How to tell your story and give it to the world to increase understanding and also to be free from the isolation of living through something that can't be talked about easily.

 

[Nevermore]

Oops I meant to address that to @Esterio ! Sorry - not sure how I did that!

 

[Esterio]

@Freedomfighter it's so interesting to me when you talk of your desire to tell th...

Thanks for the post Nevermore. Writing it down that is big. I tried to write my story before I didn't get very far it was away over whelming. it was to many incidents over !7 years. I only got part way though telling about my first Perpetuator I was 4 or 5 when he well did what he did. ( i can't tell any more about that right now) The other day someone told me I should pic one part and try to write it for my T next week when I start EMDR therapy. So I was having a really bad night and I wasn't going to sleep anyway so I got up sat down with my lap top and started to write about a car accident where a guy that I didn't know past away in my arms. This story haunts me it is always with me. one of the things that really bothers me is I can't remember his name and iI was the last one to talk to him. I was able to write down almost a full page and that happened over 40 years ago. It must have been good for me as I just told you about it with out crying. :-). So iI guess what I'm saying is don't try to do to much at once.
Sorry I get long winded
Peace Be Safe

 

[Nevermore]

I agree. Baby steps. One story at a time.
Wow, even that story you glossed over there, I would love to read a story like that that was actually true.
It's such a privilege when another lets you know how it really was for them.
Keep writing those stories...