Trust And Future Mother-in-law

[ashdawn8287]

Really.

If I offended you that was not my intention and I am sorry. Also, thanks for the fun fact because I did not know that is where that word came from. How interesting, from looking up that word it seems like a lot of the history of the word is legend based, and also means feeling cheated. You can probably trace back a million different words to a point in time and society where things are different than they are now. Origins of words are interesting to me. The racist thing I am not even going to go there or defend myself because IMHO that is a far fetched conclusion to make on someone you don't even know and honestly not necessary especially on a healing forum and under a thread where I am asking for support not petty ridicule, but different places different people and different views and I am sorry if I offended with that word.


Anyways, I appreciate the care and concern from everyone on here about the actual point of this thread. I am just staying away from it honestly. My children will not be allowed to be around them unsupervised-just like with my parents. I am not worried about that. I am worried about confronting her and I will eventually. Him and I are under enough stress honestly with home life and I will wait until the water calms before even thinking about approaching her. I just honestly don't have a breath of air to waste on someone like that at this point in my life. I guess I have avoiding issues, but for good reasons-to keep me healthy!

I really appreciate all the support. I feel like I shouldn't feel like this is my fault at all but can't help feeling like that and those feelings are extremely confusing. I am just taking it easy and hanging out with my doggie today. I can feel the stress accumulating and need to take care of that before it gets worse. I am very depressed today too only because it is the time of the month so everything is more intense. BLAH!

:clown::dead::depressed::hungover::shy: That pretty much sums it up haha.

 

[ashdawn8287]

The conversation went like this with his mom.

Him: We want the key back.
Her: Okay. Your dad has the key.

lol not poking fun but it boggles me how they communicate on such a brief and surface level. If I watched someone's animals and they asked for a key back that I always had wouldn't you be like oh why? I can't really do much with that, but hey at least he said we and got the key back. I was like uh you forgot to tell her about my other commitment too lol. I guess he is doing that now. I am stressed out to the point of laughing because I have nothing else to do.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Phillipa, isn't it bizarre!!!

That is a perfect word to describe it. I feel so awkward and weirded out that someone thinks that behavior is okay and so careless and care free about it, like you said, like she is entitled to it. Um where I came from you respect privacy. Especially how deeply she invaded my privacy. My THERAPIST journal. I just cannot get over it. Make me just dislike her even more.

I want to be rude and tell her I have no respect for her out how she owns and claims to be such a great day care operator and loves children yet allowed her alcoholic husband to beat the living crap out of her own kids and for that I will never have respect for her. And I want to tell her that entitlement for what? For being a terrible person? lol it just really makes me want to laugh at how silly these people are.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

I agree with Drew on the LC. Snooping through your belongings is unacceptable. It was a red flag when she shared that bit with you about doing it before. People like that take your non hiding of your personal things as a sign that you are okay with it. I know that is sick but that is what they think.

My advice? Write about this as much as possible and give yourself a time limit each day. Stop now and wait until your period is over.

This may be the hardest part to digest but you CAN NOT EVER talk poorly about his family, EVER. No matter if it is the truth. You just can't. It is unhealthy no matter what and it will destroy your relationship. And it is NOT your place to make him see how unhealthy they are or teach him how to interact with them. This is HIS issue. The only thing you can do is lovingly take his side, listen without telling him what to do.

You aren't going to be the first to experience in law issues in life and you won't be the last. You have to change your response now. You do that by reading books, articles, etc on the subject.

At the end, I am sorry you are hurt. I understand it.

 

[ashdawn8287]

Yeah we have came to an agreement on all of this. I appreciate the input.

I know talking bad about others families is wrong. And I told him I will not push him further with his issues. He said if he has one he will tell me. Forgive and learn from it and move on. :)

Honestly, I will probably just distance myself. He isn't close with them by any means. Holidays are aboyt it and i can suck it up for those. I won't disrespect them or bad mouth them after all this and my initial reactions got the best of me.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Haha learn from it and move on. Story of my life. I AM the poster child lol

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

Only it takes me several times to learn hahahaha

 

[ashdawn8287]

Hahaha strongernow.

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I appreciate it and it helped me a lot. You all are amazing.

 

[Philippa]

I think it's a bit scary that she is in charge of other peoples children actually. If she has such little respect for your boundaries, and you are almost her daughter in law, how would she be around kids who can't speak up for themselves?

The funny thing is if you had done this to her she probably would have gone ballistic and told her son you were bad news.

 

[ashdawn8287]

I completely agree.

I worked at her daycare last summer she was very well with the children. She isn't a teacher (she teaches at a community college though). She just owns it and sits in her office and does all the business stuff. I quit after an incident I did not agree with. Basically the daycare is for children from not so well families. She grew up in an orphanage basically so I think that is why she decided to become a business owner, plus the control issues. I saw a few things I just did not agree with. I decided it was a conflict of interest and quit.

I just can't understand how she owns a daycare and has to report to DCFS and then in her own home allowed that stuff to go on. I guess she is better at playing the work role than the mom role. Who knows.

Also, my fiancée told her I had another commitment and couldn't make it. Oddly she told him to tell me sorry and she will miss me. Kind of weird how she apologized. I think she knew she was in the wrong. She knows I don't tolerate crap and I grab the bull by the horns and I am not scared of her. I am not going to kiss ass to someone who is like that. With my life experiences sometimes it is better to walk away and ignore it. It is almost like she wants me to go down to her level and get a rise out of me, and at this point she knows I won't. She is use to controlling the whole family thing with her family. Everyone kisses her ass and praises her (in part because I believe she raised them to be like that with her, to make herself feel better, if that makes sense) and I don't give praises or go around people who are like that. I know she knows that is how I am. I know she knows no matter what I will not play her games.

I believe distancing myself and not kissing her ass like she wants me to is the best way to go.

 

[Philippa]

Some people take jobs that will procure a certain reputation and impression of them in other peoples minds...which sometimes does not equal up to the person they really are. In other words, some people do things to make themselves look better than they really are and to act as a cover for their true personality. I'm not saying she is one of them, but it happens all the time. Bad people taking up collecting baskets at church, when they are out there plotting murders and carrying them through, for example. When the police ask questions it's all "Oh but she's a church going saint who collects money for the poor, she couldn't do something like that." That sort of thing. People are hypocrites.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

You both seem like such great women. I wish you lived near me!

Good on you Ash. I wish I could stand up like that lol I will get there but you give me courage. Thanks for sharing with us.

And Philippa, I know. Isn't it sick how people can mask such a facade? It's absolutely shocking yet it happens all around us every day and we are told we have trust issues. Well I wonder why?! Lol