Trust Issues And A Healthy Relationship

[ScaredBabyDoll]

Okay everyone, I need some help.
Now you know my background a little bit (Hi Everyone!), here is my problem.

Said man, my beloved boyfriend, has been with me nearly three years now and has been extremely supportive, understanding and has done everything in his power to help me through my daily struggles, but because of my past I have, as you probably know, unbelievable trust issues that lead me to be clingy, utterly unable to trust (despite being given no reason to be), and often emotionally unstable. I am constantly questioning, both to myself and to him, things he says and fearing hes cheating or going to leave me.

While I have come to understand it is less me not trusting him, but more my inner feeling of worthlessness leading me to believe someone better for him is around the corner, and knowing it stems from my diagnosed PTSD and history with men, even as understanding as he is, he too fears about my constant questioning and whether or not I truly trust him. How can I silence my inner demon telling me to doubt every aspect of our relationship? Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship with PTSD or will I always feel this way?

I know that is a lot to read, but thank you to those who do.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship with PTSD

Yes! I know many here whom do. Trust is hard for me too and i am single and my ex did cheat on me BUT i have talked a lot about trust, amoungst other thing with my therapist. It helps to use th rational side of your brain a bit. Do you have any reason at all to think he's cheating? Is he open w/ his phone (if he has one) or is he willing so you can see hs's not talking or texting w/ girls? Can you rationalize it out to quiet that part?

I know its hard and im sure you are, or id be, scared that he'll get tired of dealing w/ it but he sounds very supportive and you dont find that supportive of a guy much, or i havent anyway, so he sounds like he is in it for the long haul and is the last guy to cheat. But i use my rational side a lot to help the unrational part. It doesnt always work but it may.

 

[ScaredBabyDoll]

Yes! I know many here whom do. Trust is hard for me too and i am single and my ex did cheat...

He's very open with everything and I always talk myself out of it, but at times, he still worries about it.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

but at times, he still worries about it.

He worries, ok what is he worrying about? Not sure how informed he is, or you are, but this book is for both the sufferer & the supporter & it is the best book ive seen about PTSD.

Link Removed

Hope, if you can get it, that it helps! Its the one my therapist has and had me buy and its great and you both can get a ton from it. Theres also a book on amazon specifically for PTSD & relationships. I bet that would help too. I think the more he is informed, the more he will be able to understand and the more healing that happens with you the stronger you guys will become.

I hope this helps some. PTSD isnt a life sentence to be alone and miserable for life.

 

[ScaredBabyDoll]

He knows everything I do, honestly, but he mostly worries about our relationship, because he, like me, doesn't want our relationship to fall apart. Like he understands whats going on and why I feel this way, but he's human and has his own fears, such as if I don't trust him, how will our relationship work if relationships are based on trust. Ill definitely check those out.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

he's human and has his own fears, such as if I don't trust him, how will our relationship work if relationships are based on trust.

I totally get that but i think what you both should realize is that it gets better.

Are you working with your therapists with this? Also is he going with you are will he? Not that he should every time, but if he does some of the time that can def help as well.

 

[ScaredBabyDoll]

I hope so and not yet, as of right now we are in different states, since I moved for college, but we are moving in together Jan 2017 so we can definitely try that too!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Yeah, once you guys are in living together it will be easier all around. I think it will be easier for you to trust him and you guys can do couples therapy. Its rough being in a long distance relationship by itself, throw in trauma & PTSD or any mental disorder and it seems impossible but Im a bit of a 'nothing is impossible' sort of person, i have to be, so i think you guys will be fine!

Until then id use the rational side, rely on it, and maybe have him read up a bit on PTSD and/or PTSD & relationships. Im also a person that believes information is power.

:hug:

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Oh also Anthony has A TON of great articles on the main part of the site. Use them, they are great! He's got some new ones that i need to read.

 

[Justmehere]

Said man, my beloved boyfriend, has been with me nearly three years now and has been extremely supportive, understanding and has done everything in his power to help me through my daily struggles, but because of my past I have, as you probably know, unbelievable trust issues that lead me to be clingy, utterly unable to trust (despite being given no reason to be), and often emotionally unstable.

In your other thread, you said you were 17? So you have been together since you were 14? Is he planning to move to be with you once he graduates high school as well?

How can I silence my inner demon telling me to doubt every aspect of our relationship? Is it even possible to have a healthy relationship with PTSD or will I always feel this way?

In addition to the work you are doing in therapy, and learning some great DBT skills, doing CBT style thought challenges may help whether some of the understandable trust issues a lot better. Check out these two threads for more info:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/10-primary-cognitive-distortions-negative-thinking-styles.51948/
and
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/name-that-distorted-cognition-thought-perception.54277/

Trauma and the trauma reenactments (the internet based victimization that you mentioned in the other thread) sent you the distorted message that men can not be trusted. You believed this so that you could survive.

With a bit of work, you can begin to reject the message of your abusers and users, and believe a new message, a more accurate message: you are worthy of safety, and some people can be safe enough to trust.