Whirlwind
MyPTSD Pro
I need arrest my "fall" and came here as an effort to shake myself "out of it".
Oh boy. It is a stressful time for all of the obvious and I made big changes, relocated etc. I was really looking forward to long awaited plans but again plans shot due to the obvious. Depressing but I hung on to the upside and got through.
I was hanging on well until I bumbled my way right over a serious issue. I am aghast. I couldn't have known so I don't fault myself but now dealing with it is on me.
The prospect of dealing with this has put me in the headlights. I can barely eat, and I can see the "look" in my own face. And the PTSD red flags starting to flap wildly. Get ready, here we go.
I'm looking at a 6-18 month ordeal.
Options? 3
1. This one is viable, makes me totally ill, I don't even know where to begin, it took me 3 yrs to get to where I am. Financial loss. Not heinous but not good.
2. Hire a lawyer to do it all. I would do it but I don't have the money.
3. Ignore it. I risk scary $ loss. Unwise. Not to mention now that I "know" it will eat at me.
What really bugs me? These last years of my life have been one "battle" after another. I had only a few mere months to putter around :( and it was so nice, so fun. I burst into tears just looking at my little projects, I was content and doing my own thing.
It has been decades now of myself.... pushing, telling myself to get through X, Y or Z and then I can relax. It just never seems to happen. Right when I think I arrive it slips away.
I am fantasizing about just grabbing my tent, walk away and just forget it all. I have already "accepted" major life losses, alone blah blah. I've given up on it all and just want peace in my final decades. That is all. That is all I ask for.
But I can't seem to get it. I had it years ago, but since I took that terrible turning point......nothing has ever been "right". Always another battle another ordeal.
If I had close friends, partner etc I know it would be easier but I don't. I am so tired of doing everything on my own.
I'm not tired. I'm something 100x worse than that. How does one describe the exhaustion and disillusionment of a lifetime.
But sure they say hey, it is short term, just get through it, you can do it! You are so strong! You have the sklls and understanding, no problem! Yippee! Go have see what your family wants to do and it wont seem so bad! Oh, no partner...any kids that can help? No? Really?
Oh.
All I see is another year lost, stress, stress, alone, stress, burden, burden another year "lost" sure next year it will be "over". I have told myself that for a few decades now.
I know I am catastrophizing some, I played "worst case scenario" and the "life isn't fair replay". None of it is helping.
Thanks for listening to my blather. Just stressed out x100.
Whirlwind
Oh boy. It is a stressful time for all of the obvious and I made big changes, relocated etc. I was really looking forward to long awaited plans but again plans shot due to the obvious. Depressing but I hung on to the upside and got through.
I was hanging on well until I bumbled my way right over a serious issue. I am aghast. I couldn't have known so I don't fault myself but now dealing with it is on me.
The prospect of dealing with this has put me in the headlights. I can barely eat, and I can see the "look" in my own face. And the PTSD red flags starting to flap wildly. Get ready, here we go.
I'm looking at a 6-18 month ordeal.
Options? 3
1. This one is viable, makes me totally ill, I don't even know where to begin, it took me 3 yrs to get to where I am. Financial loss. Not heinous but not good.
2. Hire a lawyer to do it all. I would do it but I don't have the money.
3. Ignore it. I risk scary $ loss. Unwise. Not to mention now that I "know" it will eat at me.
What really bugs me? These last years of my life have been one "battle" after another. I had only a few mere months to putter around :( and it was so nice, so fun. I burst into tears just looking at my little projects, I was content and doing my own thing.
It has been decades now of myself.... pushing, telling myself to get through X, Y or Z and then I can relax. It just never seems to happen. Right when I think I arrive it slips away.
I am fantasizing about just grabbing my tent, walk away and just forget it all. I have already "accepted" major life losses, alone blah blah. I've given up on it all and just want peace in my final decades. That is all. That is all I ask for.
But I can't seem to get it. I had it years ago, but since I took that terrible turning point......nothing has ever been "right". Always another battle another ordeal.
If I had close friends, partner etc I know it would be easier but I don't. I am so tired of doing everything on my own.
I'm not tired. I'm something 100x worse than that. How does one describe the exhaustion and disillusionment of a lifetime.
But sure they say hey, it is short term, just get through it, you can do it! You are so strong! You have the sklls and understanding, no problem! Yippee! Go have see what your family wants to do and it wont seem so bad! Oh, no partner...any kids that can help? No? Really?
Oh.
All I see is another year lost, stress, stress, alone, stress, burden, burden another year "lost" sure next year it will be "over". I have told myself that for a few decades now.
I know I am catastrophizing some, I played "worst case scenario" and the "life isn't fair replay". None of it is helping.
Thanks for listening to my blather. Just stressed out x100.
Whirlwind