Gs172003
Diamond Member
Jesus he sounds exactly like my ex. Tell her to run and never look back. Especially if there are kids involved.
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Relationship Uncertain - is my friend's partner showing narcisistic behaviour?
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- #38
S
starbeam
Fortunately they don't have children. I hope that never happens.
I don't completely understand how she doesn't see through him, she is a smart young woman in other ways so it's devastating to see her stay with someone abusive. She deserves so much better. He's also a lot older than her so I feel there's a power imbalance too.
I don't want to tell her to run, I have previously told her I'm concerned about her and the reasons why. I think he is very manipulative. They argue quite a lot but he always manages to win her back round and then she's all infatuated again and says he's so wonderful and that it was all her fault they argued and it continues in that cycle over and over again.
I don't completely understand how she doesn't see through him, she is a smart young woman in other ways so it's devastating to see her stay with someone abusive. She deserves so much better. He's also a lot older than her so I feel there's a power imbalance too.
I don't want to tell her to run, I have previously told her I'm concerned about her and the reasons why. I think he is very manipulative. They argue quite a lot but he always manages to win her back round and then she's all infatuated again and says he's so wonderful and that it was all her fault they argued and it continues in that cycle over and over again.
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- #39
D
Deleted member 44240
I really can’t believe what I’m reading. Major manipulation, abuse, and God knows what else. If she chooses to stay, so be it. I can’t imagine someone who has a person basically treating them like trash, being fine with it. I guess if he was sweet and caring she would have been gone. Where’s the logic?!
joeylittle
Sponsor
When you have little to no self-esteem, or sense of self, it's hard to grasp that you somehow deserve any different. 'Fine with it' is an oversimplification, I think...I accepted the ways my ex abused me, because (to me) that was the trade-off in order to not be alone. It took me a long while to get to the point where I was just too tired to tolerate some of that treatment.
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- #41
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Deleted member 44240
I can understand that @joeylittle, but I’m sure there are some good people out there who would love to have the opportunity to be a partner to someone like her. My ex was 16 years my junior and even though things didn’t turn out the way I would have liked, I treated him like a royal prince. When he left the first time he went back to his ex which was baffling as hell. And he’s not a person with low elf-esteem or low self-worth. I now believe he’s an opportunist.
EveHarrington
VIP Member
I think it’s fair to point out that your judgement is clouded by your ex doing this to you, right?
Maybe or maybe not.. If you were MY friend you'd best tell me about it before something happens. Personally, I would want to know.
- Post starter
- #44
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Deleted member 44240
It’s also fair to point out that I’m only conversing with those who understand and not pointing out irrelevant matters.
TwilightDream
Bronze Member
OK. Disclaimer: I am in a mood tonight...
First, I do want to give props to @Zoogal for the link she posted in post #25. The article was beautifully written, and the 46 photo narrative brought up a lot of feelings.
But... warning, what I'm about to say may not be the popular opinion... but read above disclaimer.
I think this thread is weird. A lot of the things being said seems incredibly judgemental, and busy-body-ish. If that's even a word. I suspect by the red line that popped up, that it isn't.
I think many of us here, sufferers and supporters alike, have been in, and may still be in, what could be deemed as an abusive relationship. Many PTSD manifestations can be seen as abusive. Me personally? Have I ever been abusive to a significant other? Yes. Both emotionally and physically. I've gotten way better in my years, but that does not negate the fact that my answer is still yes. Am I a terrible person that works for Satan? Are people with unmanaged PTSD all enlisted soldiers in Lucifer's army? I don't think so. Sure, there are some people walking the planet that are just horrible, rotten, bastards. But in many stories, there is so much depth behind the dynamics of an abusive relationship. I'm not excusing abusive relationships and saying they are great, we all oughtta have one. But what I am saying is there's an underlying feeling I get with some of the comments, that, "it's her own fault, she must like it, and oh well... that's on her". And that's what's rubbing me the wrong way.
For me? With my own friends? This is what I need. Be my friend. Love me regardless. If you see me in a situation that I may be in over my head? Please, voice your concerns to me, gently work with me on it. DO NOT JUDGE ME. Never ever treat me like, oh well, she did it to herself. Never throw an ultimatum at me that if I don't do as YOU see fit for MY relationship, you won't be my friend. I will drop you like a hot potato. And back the f up, a little bit out of my business please. My relationship is very personal to me. So unless you see my life actually unraveling, I would appreciate some respect.
Just my 2 cents. My apologies if I've offended, it's just an opinion.
First, I do want to give props to @Zoogal for the link she posted in post #25. The article was beautifully written, and the 46 photo narrative brought up a lot of feelings.
But... warning, what I'm about to say may not be the popular opinion... but read above disclaimer.
I think this thread is weird. A lot of the things being said seems incredibly judgemental, and busy-body-ish. If that's even a word. I suspect by the red line that popped up, that it isn't.
I think many of us here, sufferers and supporters alike, have been in, and may still be in, what could be deemed as an abusive relationship. Many PTSD manifestations can be seen as abusive. Me personally? Have I ever been abusive to a significant other? Yes. Both emotionally and physically. I've gotten way better in my years, but that does not negate the fact that my answer is still yes. Am I a terrible person that works for Satan? Are people with unmanaged PTSD all enlisted soldiers in Lucifer's army? I don't think so. Sure, there are some people walking the planet that are just horrible, rotten, bastards. But in many stories, there is so much depth behind the dynamics of an abusive relationship. I'm not excusing abusive relationships and saying they are great, we all oughtta have one. But what I am saying is there's an underlying feeling I get with some of the comments, that, "it's her own fault, she must like it, and oh well... that's on her". And that's what's rubbing me the wrong way.
For me? With my own friends? This is what I need. Be my friend. Love me regardless. If you see me in a situation that I may be in over my head? Please, voice your concerns to me, gently work with me on it. DO NOT JUDGE ME. Never ever treat me like, oh well, she did it to herself. Never throw an ultimatum at me that if I don't do as YOU see fit for MY relationship, you won't be my friend. I will drop you like a hot potato. And back the f up, a little bit out of my business please. My relationship is very personal to me. So unless you see my life actually unraveling, I would appreciate some respect.
Just my 2 cents. My apologies if I've offended, it's just an opinion.
ME??
What?? Forced her to have sex?? Maybe she likes the sex. OMG!
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