Unexpected Happiness

[Femke]

I have been struggling with PTSD, trauma related psychosis, anxiety/terror, depression, anger and anhedonia for years. I got psychotic again last winter, was severely drugged and send out of the ward. I felt dark, flat and suicidal. I thought I'd never recover.

But now... unexpectedly... I feel HAPPINESS. Joy. Hope. Connection. Parts of ME are returning. Good parts.

Not all the time, not like before, and I'm still scared of relapse. But some joy and love at some days is already much more than I expected in my big darkness and zombiehood.

I did 4 sessions of neurofeedback, which seems to have killed all the delusion and fear.
I lowered my antipsychotic meds, which brought back joy and love.
I read about psychotherapy.
I somehow decided to believe in goodness and positivity in myself and people and God again and let go of fears and dark thoughts.

I feel like a light switched on. I'm grateful.

 

[Mim28]

Wonderful!!!! So happy to hear the happy you is returning!!

 

[Matthew Morris]

That's amazing, keep believing and being positive I believe that is so important

 

[Ronin]

Happy to hear, may the happiness last.

 

[The Albatross]

What is your plan/strategy based on this new outlook in the event of a back slide? It is at times/for some very hard to maintain without cycling, but I'm really happy for you!

 

[Femke]

Thanks for the reminder. I don't really have a plan yet, except that I'm searching for a good therapist to make a plan with me and do some decent therapeutic work. I've been referred to a team that is supposedly very good at healing trauma and psychosis. I'm also keeping good track of how I'm feeling and when I'm starting to feel bad mood or delusional thoughts come up and can't turn that around with my regular coping strategies, I have meds and neurofeedback to fall back on.

 

[EveHarrington]

Awesome! :)