Upset After I Left The Therapy Session - Now What?

[Justmehere]

You are all helping me have courage to face this. Whatever this is.

We all do have a dark side. Maybe I can face and heal from my own dark side.

My therapist sure seems to think I can.

 

[desiderata310]

Start with "I have a question that is really bothering me about our last session...."?

I sometimes have to contact my therapist between sessions and we me 2x a week. It's usually rare but it makes the difference between me having a peaceful time and me being tied up in knots. For instance: I just got a letter from my insurance that I had 10 sessions left starting over a month ago. I've been through all of those. I was reduced to tears since we've only really gotten to a place where I trust him. I texted me in a panic and he responded immediately that he was aware, was already taking care of it and wouldn't have left me hanging either way. *tear*

Give her a shout via text. Paraphrase what you wrote here.

 

[scout86]

She also said that in general, I hate being in the victim role more jan any other client she has ever had or any other person she has ever met. She said, "you would rather be in control, even to believe that you are the problem, before you will let yourself be helpless or even be seen as the victim."

That's what her point was, I think.

There are NOT just 2 groups of people, "victims and perpetrators"! People can also use strength and courage and anger to defend themselves and others FROM perpetrators. Standing up for yourself does NOT make you, in any way, shape, or form "bad". (Granted you might have over reacted just a bit. :))

Perpetrators have no consideration for others and USE others for their own purposes. They initiate things. They aren't the one walking down the sidewalk (where people are SUPPOSED to walk, in my part of the world) having to dodge bicycles (which, around HERE, are supposed to NOT be on the sidewalk!).

But, go ahead and ask for clarification. It sounds like learning to feel safe "asking for help" and realizing you deserve it are a couple of the things you need to get better.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

You are all helping me have courage to face this. Whatever this is.

That is what the MyPtsd Family I have come to love is all about hunny :)

We all do have a dark side. Maybe I can face and heal from my own dark side.

Yes I do believe wee all have a Dark Side. Mine is a very very dark side that thankfully I can control. As I have threaded previously, there is:-

'Me Laurie' (happy jovial Santa_Laurie)

'Little_Laurie' (fun loving little me :D)

BUT there is also 'Him' my inner bitter ad twisted self who when he comes out can be destructive just like an Atom Bomb. I keep him locked up at all costs as when I allow Him out things go very very wrong.

I have learnt to control all the facets of 'Laurie' and especially 'Him'.

 

[Justmehere]

Thank you so much. The acceptance and encouragement I get here helps me not give up the battle to heal. It means so much.

Working up the courage to send my therapist a message.

 

[joeylittle]

I just want to echo what you've already figured out: it sounds to me like your therapist was using your experience with the guy on the bike as an example of something. The guy on the bike did not incite the response you gave him; we could say the first time you yelled at him was "justified", or incited by his actions, but after that you kept venting your anger at him.

You as a child: you did not incite the anger that was getting directed at you by your father. But, for whatever reason having to do with him (NOT you), his anger got vented at you, far beyond what could have been considered "acceptable" (please understand - I'm not saying anything that happened to you was acceptable - I'm just making a point about excess emotion and how it can lead to violence)

Here is how you are NOT an active perpetrator: you didn't actually run after the guy on the bike. You didn't hurl yourself at him and start beating on him. You exploded verbally, yes, but you did not really escalate (in my opinion). You are aware you wanted to, but you did not.

I suspect, had your father been you in the situation with the bike, he would have lashed out physically as well.

We all have different lines inside ourselves, things we do not cross. You can call it our morality, our ethics, our survival instinct - whatever. But I do believe that in active perpetrators, those lines have gotten erased. It doesn't excuse their behavior, it is only something of a reason for it - and if knowing reasons helps you to work through your healing, then reasons are useful! If not, leave them on the floor with the other stuff that doesn't help and focus on what does.

I think you're doing some really great processing. Keep at it!

 

[Seasounds]

After reading your fuller story, since my first post in this thread, I see the limitations of my first set of throughts. I know think your therapist has some boundary issues, has great compassion for you, seems to be on your side, and made a poor choice of words (e.g. perpetrator ).

I do believe that defending your life is different that being a perpetrator. You are not a perpetrator; you are a person who is developing the courage to have and state boundaries. Additionally, you are exercising great wisdom in knowing, that even though you are right, it may be advantageous to strategize, in some situations. Not saying or doing something, that could aggravate a person into physical violence, is smart, is self-defense and non-violence, at its best. Congratations!

Rather than saying that you are not a perpetrator, I'd say you are a person with courage, intelligence, and good self-defense strategies.

I have let such a person perpetrating person 'think' they were right, while I made an exit plan. This is intelligence, not victimization. A therapist once told me, "There are a lot of unpredictable people out there, try not to aggravate them; when you speak your truth, make sure you will be safe."

 

[mamachick]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you say that maybe you can heal thru acceptance of your dark side. Things are not black and white, good or bad, etc. I think the only way to heal is to accept all parts of ourselves. Accepting that you were angry enough to hit someone sounds like it is stepping out of your comfort zone and while sharing may bring up feelings about yourself that make you question, I think you can come to accept that this does not make you a perp.

 

[StellaBlue]

I agree that your therapist's use of the term "perpetrator" was a poor choice of words in this case. I would still give her a call - she's said it's ok and it will save you the entire week of fretting over it.

My therapist has asked that I call him BEFORE I get myself into a state where I'm ready to implode...so if you call her now, you'll be saving yourself AND HER the agony of letting your mind take you places you ought not go :).

 

[Seasounds]

@ Justmehere, I love your Avatar. Is it a piece of your art work?
And, what a great plan; call before getting worked up, get clarification and support.

 

[Justmehere]

Well, I typed up a text and then got too scared to contact her and went to the bookstore. On the way, I reminded myself of all the ways my therapist has said "I'm ok with you." - including just randomly out of the blue sending me a text to tell me just those words a few weeks ago. I'm at the bookstore now, and it's not feeling so bad.

My dark side is a tough one to face. Right now, I'm hanging on to the fact that she wants me to believe I'm not a monster. Surely she doesn't think I am one. And she seems ok with wrestling with my dark side with me. It's there. I did want to push that guy away, but I didn't.

I did write down that maybe in Monday, after the holiday weekend here in the US, I will contact her then.

For whatever reason, I just want her to know how not ok I am with my own dark side and I want help with it. She probably already knows, but something feels really important in saying it.


@change - my avatar isn't my own art work. I wish it was! :) It is a famous international artist who teaches others how to paint. Maybe someday I can paint like that! Thanks for the compliment though.

 

[Seasounds]

@Justmehere,
-Who is the artist?

-if it helps your situation, one thing I've found to be true, reliably, is that people who have demonstrated that they are there for me, usually don't abruptly change their pattern or end the relationship. And they sometimes get busy, or their phone sometimes dies, or they have their own emergency situation; but as soon as they have time, they are available.

I do relate to both the concern that a therapist would see me a certain way, or describe me in a way I don't like. i might, and have, feared abandonment and wanted connection, just to reassure myself that my therapist was still willing to work with me.

I also had a therapist who encouraged frequent contacts. But when I couldn't manage my anxiety, he found it bothersome and he stopped the extra contacts. With that, I recognize the caution and the wisdom to tend to yourself and seek outside support.

Your plan sounds good. Follow your wisdom.