Want To Feel "good" But That's Creepy

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Lol I hear ya @Chava! I struggle a lot with my 'coping skills'.

 

[Chava]

think after awhile you come to know yourself in the darkness and it becomes a part of you.

YES. And how to safely integrate that darkness, if that makes sense. I have really dark art, but only let myself go there when I'm drunk. How do I be sober and integrate those damaged and angry images into who I am? There is a part of me that wants to be angry but is only safe when drunk, and for me that's no very safe. But I wish I could express this angry chaotic part. ...lots of primitive crayon drawings of little people being invaded....lots of scribbles, angry scribbles...if I could do this sober....and feel "good" but also allow the anger....in a way that I still feel "okay" and accept feeling "okay" vs the constant self-created fight for existence (fight for existence was a thing once upon a time, but it's just NOT true or real anymore....I could feel good tomorrow...and I don't know what to do about that........................:banghead:

 

[Chava]

p.s. I sometimes e-mail my angry art to my therapist....like this is where it goes....little bodies disconnected or scribbled out. f*cked up, yes for sure. But if I could to that sober and then just go for a walk. You know? Contain all the parts as a regular sober person???? The parts are scary (I'm not DID, by the way, but definitely am cut off from my anger because I don't know how to manage it....a process...I'm not cutting or burning myself anymore, which is great...but where does that anger go? How do we express it or let it out???????????? (ps. I'm drunk...bless you for even responding)

 

[Chava]

pps

I want to get better...this is bullshit drunk hijacking. I don't want this....how to be okay being "okay"??? Need to bring anger to therapy, real time....

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

to be honest, I'm working on this myself. I think slowly we try to bring it out. As we feel comfortable with. Maybe start by writing out your anger. Don't even read what you wrote, just write it out and throw it away. Then move on to writing it out and talking about it with your therapist. Or just telling your therapist how you feel when you feel it. Start in small doses and move up from there.

Oh goodness, I hope that doesn't sound silly. I'm just figuring this out for myself as well. Coming up with options and outlets can be difficult. And different outlets work for different people.

I like to work out my anger. I can work out/ exercise for a really long time and exhaust myself and only then will the anger subside.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

How to be okay with being okay?
I think for myself the only way I can see myself doing this is to acknowledge when I feel okay and to repeatedly tell myself that it's okay to feel okay. Over time I maybe could re-train my brain to believe this? Lol i sincerely hope I don't sound ridiculous!!! Just tell me to be quiet if I am.

 

[Deleted member 29961]

Oh goodness, I hope that doesn't sound silly

That is actually good advice,

I like to work out my anger.

I loved shadow boxing or going to the Dojo to do some heavy bag work to help with my anger.

 

[Dragonfly-Dawn]

Shadow boxing! That's awesome @Jigsaw Puzzle, good for you!

I do a lot of bootcamp classes, spin and obstacle training/racing with some yoga/Pilates.

I have been looking into doing a boxing class of sorts. I think it would be AMAZING!

I don't think I would have made it this far without exercise to level me out at the very worst times. At times when I hate myself or hate the world!

@Chava, in your original post you said you did yoga today? Did that help even a little bit? That's one way you can release those emotions. That's what I use it for. Maybe you can build on that in your own way?

 

[Deleted member 29961]

@Chava What is it about your anger that makes it so difficult for you? for me, it was a forbidden emotion, I was forbidden to express anger. I was told it was an evil emotion and if I felt anger than I was an evil person. I didn't want to be an evil person, so I buried my anger deep down inside until the pressure built up so great that I would explode, someone usually got hurt, then I'd get beat severly and it would start all over again.

I went through my youth believing I was evil because I had all this anger

 

[Chava]

I'm so f*cking drunk. Thank you so much for responding....I will ingest this with a whole heart tomrorrow and aslo I see my therapist...will try angry expersion sober... I hope...safe.......thanks so much , much love for taking time to follow my post.....:hug::hug::hug:

 

[InvisibleSun]

It seems as though you're severely disconnected with your emotions in general and, as a result, are overwhelmed by them. Constantly searching for a way to cope..to numb what doesn't make sense. A vicious cycle that I know all too well. Learning to access emotions through positive means and not forcing the process is the only way we can begin to understand and control them. Then we can begin to process those emotions and integrate them into a stable, happy life.

ps. I'm drunk...bless you for even responding

Of course..the important thing is that you're getting all of this out. That is the first step towards healing. Eventually, I believe, everything else will fall into place.

 

[Chava]

@Jigsaw Puzzle ....I would be beaten for anger