My name is Mark.
I find expressing events that led to my PTSD numbing yet angry at the same time.
I was employed by a transportation company who began doing business with a new company.
My director of safety asked me to record all licence plate numbers of the numerous vehicles that would show up with this new company's stock that would be off loaded at our dock and moved out on our trailers. This went on for two more years with questions being asked by my staff through out this ongoing process.
2 years later one group of delivery individuals were robbed by a rival "gang" something I found out two months latter. A couple of months later my clerk, a customer and myself were hog-tied after having 45's,9 mm's and sawed off shotguns put to our bodies. I was pistol whipped, my customer lost his bowels when they closed all the dock doors down and then chambered there weapons and asked us if we ready to die (while they were laughing). They obviously did not pull the triggers.
The real crummy thing about this comes down to the fact our company was knowingly participating in a FBI and Joint Counter-terrorism sting that we as terminal personnel knew nothing about. Much more could be said but I think you get the idea. I was offered no therapy, basically the culture was tough it out shit happens.
I turned to martial arts and for two years focused my anger unproductively at my dojo. I began drinking and drugging to escape something I had know idea or conceptual understanding of what was happening to myself family and friends.
I left work on disability which turned into SSDI. I have not been able to concentrate or work any where near the level I once took for granted. PTSD seems to have a pretty bad stigma associated with the diagnoses to boot.
This is my introduction it's not a question it's just venting and I am feeling pretty ill at present.
I find expressing events that led to my PTSD numbing yet angry at the same time.
I was employed by a transportation company who began doing business with a new company.
My director of safety asked me to record all licence plate numbers of the numerous vehicles that would show up with this new company's stock that would be off loaded at our dock and moved out on our trailers. This went on for two more years with questions being asked by my staff through out this ongoing process.
2 years later one group of delivery individuals were robbed by a rival "gang" something I found out two months latter. A couple of months later my clerk, a customer and myself were hog-tied after having 45's,9 mm's and sawed off shotguns put to our bodies. I was pistol whipped, my customer lost his bowels when they closed all the dock doors down and then chambered there weapons and asked us if we ready to die (while they were laughing). They obviously did not pull the triggers.
The real crummy thing about this comes down to the fact our company was knowingly participating in a FBI and Joint Counter-terrorism sting that we as terminal personnel knew nothing about. Much more could be said but I think you get the idea. I was offered no therapy, basically the culture was tough it out shit happens.
I turned to martial arts and for two years focused my anger unproductively at my dojo. I began drinking and drugging to escape something I had know idea or conceptual understanding of what was happening to myself family and friends.
I left work on disability which turned into SSDI. I have not been able to concentrate or work any where near the level I once took for granted. PTSD seems to have a pretty bad stigma associated with the diagnoses to boot.
This is my introduction it's not a question it's just venting and I am feeling pretty ill at present.
