Was my therapist now my best friend

[hithere]

@LuckiLee and @Abstract thank you for checking in and I wish I had a good report but sadly things have gotten much worse.

Had been wanting to know too. I can't imagine how much pain you must be going through. I hope you can get strength for this!

 

[Friday]

I wish I had a good report but sadly things have gotten much worse.

If you don’t want to leave? That’s fair.

I don’t want to quit smoking right now. It could very possibly kill me. But it also numbs my lungs (my lungs were badly burned by an infection a couple years ago and are still healing >.< I toooooold the doctors they were wrong about how long it would take, but nooooo my lungs didn’t see fit to be on my side), allowing me to breathe without painkillers (which politicians have gotten sanctimonious about), and on room air instead of using supplemental o2. I’ve tried coming off a few times (every 6mo or so), and each time the pain has been less and the litres of o2 I need are less, but I’m not at base level, yet. I could deal with those consequences if I cared enough, wanted it badly enough. I don’t. So I don’t even pretend. I’ve made my decision, and I’m okay with that. The trade off is worth it to me. Eyes wide open decision made.

So if that’s your decision? That you don’t want to end this relationship & want to continue being friends? That’s your decision. And it’s fair.

If you DO want to leave this relationship? Do so.

You’re not married (to her), you don’t have children or property together, you don’t live together. There is nothing complicated about ending this relationship. IF you want to.

End it. (I’m sorry, but I can’t be friends with you anymore.) Block her number. File for restraining orders if she continues to contact you. Report her to police if she breaks the restraining order. That simple.

The person saying “No.” has ALL the power, in situations like this where there is nothing linking the two of you except mutual agreement to be together.

But you have to actually want to. And follow through.

It’s fairly rare in life that you can simply decide what you want, and get it. This is one of those times. If you want to be friends? Be friends. If you don’t? End it.

 

[Bird33]

@hithere thank you. @Friday i’m so sorry about your lungs, that sounds awful.
I appreciate your post and your candor and your right.

 

[EveHarrington]

If you don’t want to leave? That’s fair.

I don’t want to quit smoking right now. It could very possibly kill me. But it also numbs my lungs (my lungs were badly burned by an infection a couple years ago and are still healing >.< I toooooold the doctors they were wrong about how long it would take, but nooooo my lungs didn’t see fit to be on my side), allowing me to breathe without painkillers (which politicians have gotten sanctimonious about), and on room air instead of using supplemental o2. I’ve tried coming off a few times (every 6mo or so), and each time the pain has been less and the litres of o2 I need are less, but I’m not at base level, yet. I could deal with those consequences if I cared enough, wanted it badly enough. I don’t. So I don’t even pretend. I’ve made my decision, and I’m okay with that. The trade off is worth it to me. Eyes wide open decision made.

So if that’s your decision? That you don’t want to end this relationship & want to continue being friends? That’s your decision. And it’s fair.

If you DO want to leave this relationship? Do so.

You’re not married (to her), you don’t have children or property together, you don’t live together. There is nothing complicated about ending this relationship. IF you want to.

End it. (I’m sorry, but I can’t be friends with you anymore.) Block her number. File for restraining orders if she continues to contact you. Report her to police if she breaks the restraining order. That simple.

The person saying “No.” has ALL the power, in situations like this where there is nothing linking the two of you except mutual agreement to be together.

But you have to actually want to. And follow through.

It’s fairly rare in life that you can simply decide what you want, and get it. This is one of those times. If you want to be friends? Be friends. If you don’t? End it.

Friday has posted before about end of relationship stuff and I always keep it in the back of my mind because it’s pretty spot on.

OP, not sure if I’ve said this before but it sounds like you have a very powerful fawn part. It might be good to explore this in therapy.

 

[Bird33]

Hello everyone, I know I have been gone for a while but i really want out of the relationship now and need help.

 

[NightSky]

Hello everyone, I know I have been gone for a while but i really want out of the relationship now and need help.

Good. What do you need?

 

[LuckiLee]

I'd start by reading this thread from the beginning. There was alot of great advice given to you.

Sending support your way!

 

[Bird33]

I guess I need to know I’m not the crazy one. Things have happened and she makes me feel like nothing I see happens. So then I end up apologizing when she should be apologizing. I get totally turned around. I’m tired.

 

[Sideways]

Have you blocked her number? Easy way to give yourself some emotional space when you know they aren’t on the other end of the phone maybe

 

[NightSky]

I guess I need to know I’m not the crazy one. Things have happened and she makes me feel like nothing I see happens. So then I end up apologizing when she should be apologizing. I get totally turned around. I’m tired.

Want to be more specific. Give some examples? I’m sure you’re being manipulated. I’ve following this thread for a long time and I’m sure what you need is a clean break. I’m here to support you and cheer you on.

 

[Bird33]

@ sideways I have not blocked her number because I have not told her I wanted out. I was going to try to just be less available.

@NightSky Denying things that happened when I know they have. She was doing some therapy with me and my now therapist was really upset. I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea to continue and she said it was in my head.

 

[Justmehere]

I’m glad you are here reaching out for help. Holy moly...

She’s now gone from therapist to friend to now trying to be therapist for you... which shows no ethical boundaries... and now she is telling you it’s all in your head when you said no to her. She’s a shitty therapist and a horrible friend all rolled up in one. I mean, no wonder your therapist is upset. No good friend tries to be a therapist for another friend, let alone gaslights them when they say no. No good therapist does any of this nonsense.

You are not crazy and frankly, even if you were... this relationship would make anyone a little nutty and completely exhausted! It’s really wise and good to know it’s time to walk away.

The actual steps of walking away have been well covered: Tell her no more contact. I would advise not even explaining why and she will probably try to twist it and suck you back in. You can block her number and get a restraining order if she doesn’t stop...

But I think maybe right now it is most important to remember it’s your choice to say “yes” to connection with her, and your choice to say “no.” And no is VERY ok. It is a complete and full sentence. You are allowed to stop the connection with her. For any reason at all. It could be because she’s horribly unethical or because you just decided you have had enough. Or because the sky is blue. You get to say no. You don’t need her permission or anyone else’s permission to say no to therapy or any contact with her.

You are saying yes, and I really want to remind you and empower you with the truth that you have all the power to do the really hard but good thing and say “no” to her.

Your truth matters. You know this isn’t healthy.

I know it’s super hard to walk away. You got this, and you have a good therpaist and a big cheering squad here behind you.

I once saw a therapist who was a family friend and the boundaries were all screwed up and it was extra hard to walk away... and it was SO GOOD when I did. It hurt, but then my head got sorted out and it felt good. There was an experiment that was done on a women who wore upside down glasses for 2 weeks (I think). The glasses made her see the world upside down 24/7. She adjusted to seeing the world upside down but it was very cumbersome and problematic and not at all accurate. When they took the glasses off, she fell over. Struggled at first to navigate. But then her brain shifted to seeing the world right side up again.

Being connected to this unhealthy person is like wearing upside down glasses. It’s twisting your sense of the world.

Walking away is going to be like taking the upside down glasses off. It’s going to feel uncomfortable and awkward at first... but then it’s going to be so much better. So much.