Please hang in there. Is your current therapist at all a support and understanding of this? This behavior on her part is actually that of a very sick person. If a real life "mother" acted this way it would be considered unhealthy toxic, and breaking off relationship would be helpful to get the distance needed to get clear.
Imagine that someone with a parallel life in another state was getting texts and emails from a therapist like this, and you knew the parallel person had "wounds" in her heart-- what would you tell her? This painful attachment is not healthy, and I know you know this and I understand that "neediness" too. In fact, I was just crying because I can't go talk to my old therapist. I was literally crying tears and feeling so sad. I allowed myself to love him to pieces in those tears, then picked myself up, dusted myself off, and said let's go forward now. I said a prayer for all orphans everywhere, for every little boy and girl and baby that was abandoned and left to their own devices. We can do this. Give your wounded little person a real hug, it helps me. Squeeze myself and choose freedom. This condition I believe is an addiction to abandonment. I used to believe it was addiction to Love, but I now see it as addiction to abandonment. It's an addiction cycle and she is keeping you trapped in it. If what I'm saying isn't helpful, please let me know and I won't respond anymore. Because I want to only help and not hurt.
I love my ex therapist so much even though it was so toxic and he tried to use me to get his own needs met. I release him from that. I must move on. Life is short. He represented powerful and important people in my childhood. I had so much suicidal thoughts and fantasies, but as I got a distance those eased up. They were also "memories" of what I felt in the original childhood abuse. I had to get clear these are memories of suicidal thoughts, I want to live. I speak out loud "I want to live and love." Research for sport psychology has shown that using the words in third person such as, "You can do it" rather than "I can do it" has more power. So tell yourself outloud, "You can do it!" Also, I danced my pain in an interpretative dance in my house where no one could see me. It was pretty healing actually. There is something about movement and thoughts and music. I'm thinking of you. *hugs from the internet* It will get better the farther away from her you get.
