Relationship We Meet Again, Combat Ptsd.

[MsPositive40]

Stubborn, It should be a patch that the War Dept puts on the uniform because I've yet to meet a Military man that wasn't. Although I'd say we may be more stubborn then they. Even when their like "give up on me you deserve someone better" we are like "NO I WILL NOT! I. LOVE.YOU!" Congrats to you for being stubborn enough to not give up.

I'd put on post it note all over the house if I thought my significant other wouldn't think that I'd finally lost my mind lol

Thank you Cyndi, I actually never saw it that way but you are right!
And May1321 I also understand were you are coming from when you say "Co-dependency isn't something we choose but something we get sucked into." I will keep that in mind.
Im a very strong person but I also know how not to get sucked in. I still have not heard from my Vet, the last time was in a email i sent him on 10/7/2011 I sent him a song that is our song and i told him "just a little something to put a smile on your face" and he responded the next day saying "I miss you" and that was it and i put i miss you too.... I also sent him a letter by mail on monday but he has not let me know if he even resieved it yet! lets see....

 

[May1321]

Im a very strong person but I also know how not to get sucked in.

MsPositive40... I too am a very strong woman who cares a lot. I always thought that this was a good trait... the problem is, and I am still on the fence about believing it has to do with MY picker in men, but I seem to always end up on the end that is depleted of emotional energy and giving.

I will always give because I always have something to give. Especially these days, I am confident with my life be it alone or in a relationship. I support myself and have a life I'd like to share. This most recent relationship had catapulted me into picking up not broken pieces, but the dust between the cracks that I was overlooking thinking 'those little shards of broken hearts and self-esteem won't amount to anything'... but they do. They add up. Especially in a relationship where the other half isn't capable of sharing (themselves, their life) with you. Since we knew he had PTSD, this time I had something to really stick a peg into and start building from and around. Before, in past relationships (now my ex-husband who was never combat military but spent 12 active years in the service at that time) we had no idea he had an actual disorder and in most cases, they may not diagnose it as so, but his communication patterns and emotional detachment was identical. I had no idea at 22 how to deal with that and after 2 years of marriage, I had enough and got selfish and walked away before I wasted the rest of my life feeling numb. Now I realize I wasn't technically selfish. I was immature in the ways I acted after walking away, trying to fill a void that was missing, but I had stated in letters, in arguments, etc. how I was feeling and my feelings were never validated... not by him, or my family, and because we were with the military, we moved a lot so my friends were slim.

My ex-husband is a really really great man. He was my best friend, but when one is giving more than the other and not even being validated for upset feelings - be it anywhere from you were supposed to take the garbage out and you didn't, to forgetting your anniversary - the loving part inside a person goes through emotional steps... denial, anger, sadness, numbness.

I never thought I was co-dependent but I just recommend doing not just your research on PTSD but on that too. According to the World English Dictionary Co-dependency is noun; a state of mutual dependence between two people, esp when one partner relies emotionally on supporting and caring for the other partner. Dictionary.com states noun; one who is codependent or in a codependent relationship.

I still don't believe I am a full co-dependent but I believe I have fallen in love with a co-dependent which makes it hard to keep control of the "giving". In these relationships, there is always going to be one person that gives more than the other... So for the sake of both of you, utilize all your tools. Even if you dont' think it is, or you are, read up on things so you aren't scrambling for the answers in the midst of feeling like you are drowning.

I hope for you your relationship works out and he comes back around. That everything he says is truth. I really do... More than anything, that he finds the strength within to make his actions speak louder than words.

My sufferer is a really really great man, and I love him with my whole heart and I believe (if he really put his mind to it and wanted to) he could change the way PTSD affects him, and his relationships.

But I don't want to hate my sufferer and I don't think you do either. Knowing what I know now, I just think I would have done things a little differently when he seperated from me initially. Write the last letter getting out what you need to get out, getting the closure you need, send it or don't send it. But don't wait for an answer. Stand your ground when you get an answer. These guys are fighters... they too should fight for you by fighting for themselves. Actions louder than words... For the sake of your sanity and your heart... be stubborn and put that on a post it note.

 

[MsPositive40]

Thank you May1321
You are a real inspiration for me and I bet for a lot of people in this forum. Ever since i have been in this site I have felt so much better about myself. I did send the letter out to him on tuesday, I dont know if he has recieved it but all I can say is that I did let him know that I will be here for him through good and bad! And he is my best friend wich makes it a little harder not to be able to talk to him at this time, and he also has told me that I am his Bestfriend as well!
I will keep you posted about this, and again Thank you :)

 

[Army_Brat_88]

I wish you the best of luck, keep me updated on your situation! My vet told me he was in love with me and that I was the girl of his dreams while he was ignoring me and leaving me. Unfortunately, it took him almost 5 months and another woman to basically use him for him to realize what he had lost. I hope things do not get that far with your man and that he's not as stubborn as mine.

Not to be hated on here, and of course people deserve second chances, but princessx, as someone who's on the outside reading this post w/o bias to one side or the other, this disturbes me a little bit. You were together a year and a half, then he dumps you and you found out in that time he was with another woman while you were suffering and no doubt going out of your head with "why's?!" He says you're "the one", and he messed up obviously, but are you truely ready to set that knowledge aside in wanting to be with him that badly?

Again, I'm not looking to poke around and stir up pain, but when these guys leave due to PTSD, I know on occasion they find someone else, but usually they just want solitude and isolation, right? Yes, he said you deserved better, which these guys seem to do, but then why did he deserve someone else in that time?

You'll have to excuse me because I'm currently on the bandwagon of only excusing so much that these guys do. If I were to find out that the reason I hadn't heard from my guy was he was with someone else in this time, it'd be absolutely done and over. Period. PTSD or not. To want to be with me means just that, you want to be with me. To dump me, and I find out another woman was with you when I did all I could and supported you, there's not a chance in hell I'd take him back - only to be concerned he'd pull that same thing on me again in due time. I'd rather leave him in the past then worry that it could be on the horizon again. My trust would be forever gone. Again, that's just me, and I don't know your whole situation.

AB

 

[princessx]

No worries AB, I actually appreciate your poking and prodding because it means you're really reading. The whole situation was beyond messed up and being the typical man; once he realized I set my foot down and disappeared because I knew I deserved better, he found a rebound. Now after talking to him about it, she really meant nothing to him and he was trying to find bits of peices of me in her but he failed completely. She only used him for his money and a place to stay. He says if anything, he saw what he was doing to me by the way she was treating him and saw how amazing I am.

OF COURSE, I'm butthurt about the female in the equation but after 2 months I also moved on and was dating other men. As much as I loved the man, he told me he didn't want me anywhere near him so I listened and moved forward. Only problem with that was the whole time I was thinking of him so once I realized I still had love for him in my heart, I stepped away from the new guy I was dating and coincedently the same week my ex reconnected with me.

He is in no way perfect and in no way am I just looking past this dumb decisions. But we are human and we all make mistakes. I'm pretty sure he was attempting to justify his decision of leaving me by finding happiness with another woman but failed. That had nothing to do with PTSD but as she wasn't there for him and didn't understand, he then fully realized he left the one woman who helped him with his disorder. During this time, he also lost a close friend who was still in combat and he had absolutely noone to turn to. That might've partially been the reason he seeked someone to fill the void.

I don't trust him yet, not even a little. I'm still trying to figure out what we are and what is going on between us. He's weary of being near me because he realizes how much he's hurt me so as much as I'd run to the altar with him, I'm keeping a fair distance to the point of only exchanging a few texts during the day. I don't want to rush him and after his mistake, I'm scared to commit to him now too. Esp with his inability to show emotions and kinda fight for me.

Ahhh, all completely in shambles but one thing I know for sure; I love him.

 

[MsPositive40]

Princessx, I am happy you guys are trying to work things out, We have one life to live and we can not control our heart. Just keep your eyes and your heart opened and do not think about the past or even bring it up anymore because it wont do any good! the past is the past! We are living the present and moving into the future! So Best of Luck! and keep us posted!!!! Lets stay strong :tup:

 

[princessx]

Woohoo, you definitely deserve the name MsPositive! I really needed to hear that because I'm having a mega rough time as of the past two days. I feel like him and I are just not on the same page. He says he knows I'm the love of his life and the woman he's destined to be with but isn't doing much just talking. Alongside, I wonder if he'll ever want the same things such as marriage like I do. On some days, he does. On others, he says he doesn't know what he wants. I wonder if I should really follow my heart and just move on. But if I move on, I wonder if I'll ever stop thinking about him. UGGGGGGGGH. Pulling out my hair.

 

[MsPositive40]

Thank you I try to always stay Positive even on the roughest times! I know what you mean about not being on this same page, I feel like that myself sometimes. And my ex has also told me that one day we will be married and right before he broke up with me he said he doesnt think he coud ever get married! that hurts alot to hear from the person that you love so much, but when those negative thoughts go threw his head, thats when i remind myself that thats the sick part of his brain talking!!! Because I know he adores me as much as i adore him!!! thats just the PTSD talking! Princess we have to stay mentally strong for them and for ourselves and always remember that!!!!
Lets stay Strong :tup:

 

[MsPositive40]

There are 2 things that I always say to myself, the first is "The Joy & happiness is in the journey not the destination"
and the second is "Hope does not take away your problems,it can lift you up above them" And I believe in that 100%

 

[Whereveryougo]

Funny just yesterday I thought the only thing lacking with my Vet and I was the intimacy. I came home my son said he left and said he would come back last night but he didn't I guess he his MIA and will come back when he is ready. I used to die inside thinking it was another woman now I know that when he stresses it is off to a hotel or his sisters to be isolated in a dark room somewhere. I understand how those little words such as "baby" can light a whole day. Or the times they hold your hand which I find a rare occasion.

 

[May1321]

"The Joy & happiness is in the journey not the destination"
and the second is "Hope does not take away your problems,it can lift you up above them

Wanted to double "like" this as I read it again today... Hope sometimes is hard to find within when the strings are tangled so it is handy when you can read someone elses words of inspiration to help release and lift the balloon of hope :) :tup:

 

[MsPositive40]

Thanks May...Hope everything gets better for you May, Believe me I read those qoutes all the time myself. and it makes me feel a little better :)