Weakness In Me

[dutchiedelta]

Beauty in the darkest within us. Well done Raven.

 

[Sarg]

Sorry to hear, Raven.

Sarg

 

[vikingr24]

Hey, Raven. Big hug from all the knuckle dragging hunks here. We ain't much but we'll kill for you. We'll even skin'em and hang'em up.

Where would you like his pecker put?

 

[Roberta Solt]

I have severe PTSD. As you guys can imagine it's hell. 3 years ago I broke up with my ex. Ever since I have been alone and fine with it. I have distanced myself from everybody and everything that requires affection. I could never see myself being close to someone ever again. What I have seen can never be unseen.

Until 6 months ago, she came along. She crawled her way into my heart. Sounds weird putting it that way, didn't think I even had one anymore. Never met any civilian so understanding. I thought I could never say it, but she gets me. In a way. Without talking. She sees when people are hurting somehow. But she deserves so much more than me. I am broken piece of shit. I can't understand how she puts up with me or how she can love me.

I feel weak for admitting that I need her. When she is around my PTSD is tolerable. She comforts me. I am bleeding out right now, drowning in my own filth, it's ripping my heart out that I can't be the man she deserves. I have a back injury and from time to time I need a cane. I am f*cking disabled f*ck possessed by demons. How can she be with someone like me? I am going to f*ck it up just like I always do.

I am selfish for not letting her go, for not leaving. She puts up with my night terrors, she puts up with my break downs. She is so fragile and I can't protect her. Protect her from me. I am going to ruin her, like I have destroyed everything good that was in my life. I don't deserve her. I f*cking love her. I hate feeling.

Don't let her go.

 

[Darksoul]

If they accept our crazy, seems the least we can do is accept that they have the right to be equally f*cking insane, and want to be with us..

I just spit out my beer laughing! I think I will have this printed on a tile and hang it in the bathroom!

 

[Darksoul]

Revan, your glasses cant hide your eyes. They worry me.......

 

[Raven]

Demon eyes? Demonize?

I forgot I read the original post over a year ago and replied before.

I was going to ask why you think you're such a shitty person in the here and now.

And that's the crux of it. I'm not that person anymore--that person who is unworthy of love, or understanding, or kindness. I try to be a decent, kind human being nowadays. That's what I want people to see.

I looked at the datestamp. A little while after I posted in this thread, I met a man who saw good in me that I didn't think was there. He helped me realize that I was wrong.

But he still calls me Angrybutt.