What Advice Would You Give To Your Young Adult Self?

[Bookoffee]

I would tell my fifteen-year-old self that it's going to be okay. I would tell her to be authentic, to look out for herself instead of worrying about her family or what people think of her decisions. I would tell her to relax more, to go out and have more fun. I would tell her that it's great how hard she works at school, and that it will pay off, but I would also add that she needs to work hard for the right reasons, for herself, not for others. I would tell her to try and love herself better. I would tell her to make sure she kisses her friend before going to college, because she won't get another chance, and he will save her life again and again. I would tell her to be better to her best friend. I would tell her not to burn so many bridges.

Above all, I would tell her I love her, and I blame her for nothing. I would tell her that we outgrow our hatred of all our former selves, that we become compassionate toward our past, and that my love for her is and always was supposed to be unconditional. She was a good kid, even though she didn't know it at the time. I see her now in a way she couldn't see herself.

Thank you. If approved by you, I would like to copy this and carry it with me.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I was fine at age 15. Maybe not "fine" in a universal sense, but I thought I was ok. There is nothing I could say to her that would make a difference.

Bottom line. Any advice would blow her world apart. That's just cruel. She needed to stay in denial a bit longer to get through it all.

 

[ghotiff]

I would explain what denial, neglect and emotional abuse is so she is better equipped to see these things as what they are, rather than take them in personally.

 

[shimmerz]

I would have thrown a ton of effort into understanding what narcissist/sociopath behaviour was and done everything I could to stay away. It is a 'fatal attraction'

 

[Beachlife09]

At age 15, I was.... a brat. I really was. I was very self-centered. I also was a senior in High School at 15.
I would advise my younger self to enjoy every moment. Every little thing I took for granted- be thankful for it. Because in only a few years that flew by... everything would change.

 

[shrinkingviolet]

I would tell myself you are enough, just as you are. It's not your responsibility to fix your family or make everyone happy by trying to be perfect. It will get better in the future and your emotional scars will be badges of courage.

 

[IrisL]

If i can go back ...and tell the things for myself - Would start really early when it's started.
So for my 6years old myself I would teach her what does it mean if somebody touch you not in the right way what does that mean - would teach her not to shame herself, because it isn't her fault - teach her there are real rotten souls out there and she needs to be careful.I would teach her what does it mean sexual abuse - to not to get a shock when she is 10 at school from biology lessons about sexuality, when she realises alone what's happening with her she was right that's not normal and yes she has the right to stop it.I would tell her she shouldn't have to be afraid from that person, because he is weaker than she is now.He just uses your innocent beleive and the lacking of love.I would teach her what does it mean real love and care.Show the fake values of her family and to it's fine, that's not means it's she.She don't have to follow rotten fake people

.For my 10 years old self i would tell to her she is right to not to tell to anybody, because nobody would do anything about it and teach her to recognise the denial and rejection which coated in fake care and love.I would tell to her the threat what he is telling to her is a massive bul"""t, because she can't lose a person who isn't next to her.And it's fine, but i would tell to her try to tell the only real person in family to her grandpa - don't be afraid people will judge her and see her as filffy , dirty person who deserved what she got.I would tell her that's not true and she just so would like to be loved by her family she will take anything to get a tiny attention.I would tell to her if she not reacts she will lose herself when she is 28-30 years old.She will struggle memory loss and the ability to learn quickly how she did it.I would tell to her it will go so far you will stop to think in multiply difficult mathematics and philosophical questions at the same time, what she so loves to do in her mind.I would tell to her she will lose everything, she will really don't know who she is, she will neither know how she feels and when things seems great, the s""t will hit the fan, she will have new memories what she will can't deal alone.
I would tell to her when she experience real love and care by her partner she will totally destroys it, without she will realise it, because the memories which been lost it isn't lost how she thinks it is and she will live out her past and abuse her present who involves her real love - The only person who really tried to help more than what he is able and he never will give up hope on her.

I would tell to my teenage me and my 20's ones to yes you think you are fine, because you changed the circumstances you are not live there, but those memories which aren't remembered they will come back - seek help try to get it out from your system.If you will not do it you will have enormous anger and doubt, next to the most beautiful person who you can ever meet and you will hurt him a lot, unbelievably a lot and with that you will hurt yourself again. you lose time and everything and with that your liar fake rotten family who says they care they will win, if you give up your dreams...Never give up - always try again and again and again. To starts to believe in yourself, because you already did a good job even if it's not perfect.And for the God sake stop thinking of what others thing of you, they really do not care...Why they should? Because you care that's not means others would care.
Realise better the reality instead of to believe in the humans good. Because there isn't too much (see the politics, what's happening all around the world) and please, pretty please value the real and the real kindness is hidden but is there and don't give up on that.Value real persons more than your own life, because they help you in ways what you not even see at first.They teaching you so many things just see and do not fear to look and see.
And let people help you, if somebody would help you not because they want to use you (of course that can be a case too) but please don't react on everything with paranoia and fear.That's leads nowhere and you will end up in nomansland.No one can hurt you anymore, just yourself.
And get a doc is deeper than what you think - is happened when you were kid, when you suppose to learn emotions, safe - and sames - the base of a real relationship.
And that's proves you because you will have to learn it, is never been shown to you, what they showed was fake, lie.

And you are more value then what you think, please don't hate yourself, don't get angry on you because you can't do immediately something - give yourself time and chance to learn it and give time to practice it.

Because the person who you are with now at 30 years old yourself and suffers a lot because of your past (and he is NOT responsible for that what's happened with you)he is worth your real kindness, care, selflessness, sensitivity, passion, fire, all of your weird fluffiness - he really does and pretty please don't be afraid of him even if he is scarry for you, because he really just wants the best for you.and he do knows it - he knows and sees your value he isn't the person who would waist his reality and value on you if you would not be worth and realise you have value and he constantly giving you that with no question
- yes he has one only one condition!Be real, be yourself and let the past go, don't let the past eat you, because you are so much value. - and he asks only to be present to respect with that him and give yourself to him, because he is the only one whos deserve it and deserved it.
Do NOT search for problems because those problems are nothing to compare with your childhood problems when you dragged, pulled out from your bed when you were asleep, to he can rape you - and remember well all of your brothers and sister was there - your mum was there - they didnt do anything and they never will - don't give them any credit or value, because you never deserved those things and the betrayals, the lie and rejection..He not deserves your negativity how you neither - So pretty please not even starts that destroy and start to learn the real value and build up yourself - Because You can , nobody else there to do it for you.

Oh and one more thing embrace the triggers - see it what it is - your brain gives you the liberty to destroy the fake value which you so cling into it towards your family.See by your triggers and new memory what they denied to see, how they lied, how they did not care.Is nothing wrong with it, be happy for it, your brain- the lost memory comes back, because you are ready to be yourself and see the truth and the real present.It's just gives you the liberty to see the past how it was. Don't be denial with it, because you can become as your fake rotten family and you are far more better than them.More than what you can think of yourself in your best mood.


Sorry i'm a bit gone further and said a bit towards myself now too...


THAT POST THREAD - THE TOPIC IS AWESOME!!!! NEVER READ THAT GREAT BUILDER SELFHELP, GROUP HELP ^.^
Thanks a lot for that
hugs for everyone

 

[Rumors]

I would tell my younger self that I am worthy of love and happiness and I would take better care of myself mentally and physically. I would realize my shame and guilt were taught to me by others, but it is nothing I need to own. I would tell myself to take time to learn about myself and my needs instead of always taking care of others first. I would learn about filling my heart with joy from people who are healthy instead of seeking relationships with people who are not healthy. I would tell myself to vigorously learn about good choices and making good judgement calls instead of the choices I have made. I would tell myself that I am worthy of respect and I wouldn't invite men into my life that do otherwise. I would tell myself to prepare for the greatest gift I have ever received, my son, and I would learn what good parenting is sooner. I would forgive myself sooner rather than later....

 

[Me Myself and I]

To know that one should not worry nor be scared of being judged or thought of as crazy. To know that PTSD can in a very strange way have its good side as well - it can teach you a lot about yourself and life in general. PTSD is a journey that for some reason you were to take on, and explore, and no matter how tough and hard it could get (because it does get really hard sometimes) you'll almost always find a way to handle it and cope with it.
Don't allow PTSD to stop you from reaching out to the things you've always wanted to do, don't allow it to take control over your life.
Don't hate it, nor love it, don't consider it as your enemy nor as your best friend. Just accept it and be aware of it. And if it offers you lessons to be learnt, then learn from it, and add it up to your basket of (life experiences). Be your own leader, Lead PTSD to where you decide, where you want, don't let it lead you.

This is what I'd like to tell others, what I wish I'd known time ago.

 

[hodge]

I can think of tons I would tell my 15-year-old me, but I honestly don't think she was ready to listen. Not for another year or so. So, well, I guess I'll tell that story. My friend and I took mescaline one night when I was 16. We took the same thing as far as I know, but she had a horrible reaction to it. I recognize it now as a panic attack. I put her in my bed and called her boyfriend who she wanted to talk to. After that, I don't remember much. just that she seemed to calm down, eventually. The next day I swore off drugs. I was done. I had had enough. Period. She would call me after that to go and get high, and I would tell her I'm writing. Which I did. A lot of. It was quite healing, I think. She didn't like it, but I was done with that stuff. All we ever did together was get high, and I was done! I never saw her again after that.

 

[The Albatross]

You have a broken "people picker" and will "pick" the worst/most dangerous people in the room. It will only complicate and further damage you and it will give you more trouble than you have already. Like a moth drawn to a flame... if you don't address this as soon as you can... you'll get burned and continue to get burned until you deal with it. People, girlfriend, are drawn to the familiar... and your familiar is not good, just, fair, right or meaningful. It is chaotic, depressing, crazy making, violent, depression/anxiety producing, and will lead you to lose everything you own twice if you stay on your present trajectory.

You are not what he said you are, you are worthy of protection even though your mother could not/would not do so. You need skillz and you need to stay alert for people who have them and look for mentors instead of emotional cripples, substance abusers or addicts. It is easier to stay out of danger if you don't volunteer to lay in the gutter because broken and damaged people make you feel less broken or more comfortable/understood. Believe it or reap the consequences.

Get a job that pays enough for you to have therapy and stay in college til you friggin' graduate. Oh, and learn how to network... you'll get better job opportunities that way. Don't look for a man to save you either... he may want to rescue you but you need to save yourself to get the relationship you want/need/desire/deserve.

P.S. I emancipated myself before I turned 17. I didn't address the PTSD cuz I already had it... but aimed at the damage I did to myself, by myself because I didn't know how to handle myself and seek out healthier/better people and situations.

 

[Weemie]

change nothing. learn more.