What Are The Consequences Of Admitting You Are Suicidal?

[2quilt]

I have left a message with my psychiatrist and I am seeing my psychologist in a few hours. The increase of Cymbalta has not helped very much, and I am feeling very sad and anxious.
If I am honest with my providers that I feel that I want to die, I am afraid that they will put me inpatient, take away my rights, and the inpatient situation fact itself will make all future providers treat me differently by discounting me even more than they do now (with the simple knowledge that I have a mental illness versus being an inpatient for PTSD and depression).

I am getting on a plane tomorrow for a trip, and I am flying again next weekwnd for the long holiday. I can't let myself go inpatient at this time and miss those flights.

For those of you who have admitted these feelings to a provider, (or those who know how it goes) what are the consequences? I have never been inpatient, but I have heard that your rights to privacy and even choosing your own clothing are taken away from you, cant pee in private, cant shower in private, the gown they make you wear is see-through and the ward is co-ed ( danger!)
I dont have to worry about the inpatient stay affecting my future job oportunities since I am perm disabled. If my husband has a security clearance, will my inpateint stay affect him or his clearance?

What else can inpatient stays affect? I am afraid.

I need help, but i am afraid to tell my providers how i really feel.

 

[Deleted member 541]

2quilt,

IMO, there is a huge difference in feeling sad and anxious, and suicidal. If you go in and tell him/her that you are sad, and anxious, then that should be ok. If you walk in and tell them,. "I am suicidal, and have made plans, or am thinking about killing myself." Then be prepared to spend some time in the ward.

It all depends on how you approach the subject. Be honest with your feelings, and if you are not suicidal then tell them. If you are, you need to tell them that also......

Hugs, and I hope that you feel better soon. Honestly though, it takes awhile even for an increase of meds, sometimes before they kick in. How long has it been since you upped the dose????

 

[the racha]

Hey, 2quilt. Sorry you are feeling this way and I hope that you stay safe. I've had quite a bit of experience with this, as I have told providers when I felt suicidal. How they respond really depends on whether you have made plans or not, and/or whether you are self-harming.

racha

 

[teejaye]

2quilt,

I'm sorry for the affects of the med and how you are feeling. I'm also proud of you for being open and honest with your feelings. Sounds like you are feeling anxious about the pros and cons of being on an inpatient unit, and that makes a lot of sense to me. Right now, though, I hope your immediate concern can be getting what you need from your providers. For example, you may feel that you need of a different med, some emotional support, safety planning around your feelings of wanting to die, or 24 hour protection from hurting or killing yourself (these are some random examples - I have a feeling you know what you need better than anyone). When you are forthcoming with your symptoms and what you have identified as your service needs, they should be able to work with you where you are.

When doing an assessment for inpatient hospitalization or not, it is as She-cat stated, they are looking for high risk of suicide. There is of course a huge difference in feeling as though you want your life to end and feeling desperate for the pain to end.

The "locked wards" as we call them allow patients to wear their street clothes and each suite has a private bathroom. The places where the privacy is null and void and patients wear gowns (here anyway) are the state-run residential facilities, and those are for long-term stays (like months to years). My initial guess is that would not be the type of stay you would be admitted for, if you were even admitted.

Take care of yourself, 2quilt. Please keep us posted.

 

[2quilt]

Well, i have never been so sad before, and I had a friend who has been in the ward tell me that she was not allowed to shower or use the bathroom by herself, she had to walk around in a seethrough gown in front of men on the same ward, she could not go home when she wanted, yada yada, and told me never, ever admit to being ready to die. I am not in contact with her any more so I cant ask her if she was inpatient at the VA or a civilian hospital. There's a big dif.

I went from 60 mg mornings to 60 morn and 20 mg night last friday, and I expected to feel okay come monday because Cymbalta's half life is 15 hours.


i am still profoundly sad, crying, unable to enjoy and having thoughts of leaving all this life behind me, but i dont have a plan, i have no hope.

I am leaving town for 5 days early tomorrow morning.

Because I have never been inpatient, i fear it. i talked to the psychiatrist today who told me not to expect improvement for 4-6 weeks, which i don't believe. This doctor does not have my trust or respect. Not just for that piece of wrong info, but for other things too.

See y'all in 5 days.

 

[Blues in NYC]

2quilt,

So sorry you are having such bad days these days.

To be clear, there is a difference between suicidal ideation vs planning. Also these are different than having death wishes. Like just wishing that lightning of some sort would strike and provide you relief. I'm not speaking from a clinical standpoint, just my personal take, but all three distinctions do seem to exist on a continuum of severe depression and sadness. But just because you are desiring release via checking out does not mean you are necessarily suicidal. Hopefully your relationship with your providers is such that if you do speak with them about this you can have a conversation and they can help you sort out how severe your thoughts are.

Whatever you do, please take care of yourself. If you make it on your trip, please be kind to yourself. And if you stay where you are instead, still be kind to yourself.

:Hug_emoticon:

~ Blues

 

[patrick]

I admitted myself to the psych ward at a VA hospital not too long ago because I knew if I didn't I wouldn't make it through another day alive. I shared a big room on a ward with three other guys, two of whom snored hideously. There were a couple of women on the ward, as well. Everybody got to wear their own clothes, and there were only two people on the ward who were monitored as closely as your post suggests, and that was because they were deemed dangerous to others.

I think if it gets to a point where you really need to be admitted you'll know it. It's that time when nothing in the world could possibly be worse than what you're feeling right now, and you're afraid you actually will kill yourself this time.

Having said all that, the time I spent on the psych ward was probably the most valuable week I have had in the last 40 years. It gave me a chance to feel really safe while I started trying to sort my life out. It gave me time to begin to get stabilized on some meds that really help. And it helped me to realize that just maybe it was possible that there could be some times in the future good enough to try to stay alive for. Plus, after that hospitalization, my various care providers started taking my PTSD far more seriously than they had been, and the level of care I recieve from the VA increased hugely.

As for the repercussions, stigma, loss of respect, etc., none of that was important when I checked myself in, and since I got out, I don't go around telling everybody, but the people I do tell have all been supportive and curious. Most of all, none of them have been surprised. I guess they must have noticed how crazy I was getting before I did

Only you can know what the right thing to do for you is. I wish you the best.

Pat

 

[catjudo]

2quilt--
I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time. I have a lot of personal experience in this area...I'm not sure where to begin.

First, as others have said, there is a broad spectrum of suicidal feelings. Inpatient hospitalization for suicidal ideation becomes necessary when you don't feel safe...you want to die, you're planning for a way to commit suicide. If you feel suicidal but still safe enough to have a "safety contract" (you can honestly agree that you have no immediate plans to harm yourself and would contact them if you felt like you were in danger of harming yourself) with your doctor or therapist they would likely not make you go inpatient. The important thing is for you to be completely honest with them about how you're feeling and any plans you may or may not have.

As far as the conditions, rules, etc of inpatient hospitalization, much of that varies from one facility to the next. A few things that are pretty standard...even if you sign yourself in voluntarily, you do lose some of your rights in regards to deciding to leave. In most areas of the US (honestly, I believe ALL but I could be wrong) if you signed into a psych hospital/unit voluntarily and decide that you want to leave there is a written request that you must sign. The doctors then have x (I think 24, but unsure) number of hours to review the request. If they decide that you are not a danger to yourself then they must discharge you. If they decide that you are a danger to yourself then they will change your admission from voluntary to involuntary. They can then keep you hospitalized for 72 hours or until they determine that you are no longer a danger to yourself.

Even while hospitalized, whether voluntary or involuntary, you retain some very important rights. In general you cannot be forced to take a medication that you do not want, regardless of what the physician prescribes...you have the right to refuse. Unless, of course, you are extremely agitated and the nurses/doctors think that you're an immediate danger to yourself or others...then the doctor can prescribe and nurses can administer an injection of a tranquilizer with or without your consent.

Yes, most units are co-ed. Typically rooms are semi-private and you will have a roommate (same gender, of course) with one bathroom for the two of you to share. The stories you've heard about not being able to pee, shower, etc by yourself do happen...patients that are considered to be at high risk of attempting suicide are put on a one-to-one observation. There are very strict rules about what types of clothing and personal items you may have. Even if they don't think that you'll try to hurt yourself with an item, they don't want it on the unit where someone else might be able to use it to hurt themself. Things like belts are obviously prohibited, you wouldn't be able to have shoes with shoelaces, pants with drawstrings, etc. If someone does not have clothing with them that conforms to their rules they may provide them with a hospital gown to wear...this is pretty rare and obviously can be avoided by bringing clothing items that follow their rules. Some places will make you leave personal items like shampoo, toothpaste, etc. locked up with the nursing staff and only check it out when you need to use it. Other facilities allow you to keep the items in your room, that varies.

If you're suicidal and scared that you may hurt yourself, inpatient hospitalization can be a lifesaver. If you're just feeling really bad, want to die, but know that you could reach out for help before you would take any action, then you don't want to be hospitalized. I've had both good and bad experiences with inpatient hospitalization. Again, the most important thing is to be very honest with your providers...it's their job to help you and keep you safe.

I think I've answered many of the questions that you had. If there's something that I missed, or you have other questions, feel free to ask and I'll do my best to share my experiences. I hope you start to feel better.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Try and have a good trip... Relax, enjoy your hubby, the scenery, spend $$$, do whatever.

I can tell you this......I have been on Cymbalta, and was told that the absolute max dose, is 60mgs. Anything above that is a waste of time and effort. I have also been told that once you are on Cymbalta, and you come off of it, IF you try to go back on it, that the chances of it being affective, are unlikely. So this may be the issue with you, and it may be time to search for a new med to try......

 

[Keenbean]

Think carefully...

Hey there 2quilt.

I am sorry you feel so low, I know how awful it is to feel like that.

I have had 8 admissions to psychiatric wards in recent years, all but one were for two or three months at a time. Some of these were voluntary admissions where I was so scared that I would end my life that I felt as though I needed to be somewhere safe. On other occasions I was sectioned due to other people's concerns that I would end my life. I have to say, I have had both excellent and appalling treatment on these sorts of wards. At best, my admissions saved my life. At worst, the conditions and treatment I received were so awful that I actually attempted to take my life whilst in the hospital as I wasn't allowed to leave and simply couldn't bear to be there any longer.

My message would be- unless you are scared that you will actually make a genuine attempt at taking your life, try get more support at home and stay out of hospital. I have experienced and seen such awful goings on in these places that I still have nightmares and experience flashbacks from my hospital stays, and these have contributed to further problems. However, this is my experience only, and if you know deep inside that you really are at risk, then you should get help. There are many other people out there who have been admitted to hospital and have had much more positive experiences than I have.

Hope you manage to get through your trip okay,
Best wishes, KB.

 

[Leda]

Hello 2quilt

I´m so sorry that you are feeling so low now. I do hope that if you really think you are going to harm yourself, you will tell your providers so they can help you to stay safe. As for your questions - I cannot answer any of them. The hospital system here is somewhat different from yours. I just wanted to send you som support and my warmest thougths.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

2quilt -
My daughter was hospitalized a few years ago for being suicidal (had a plan and attempted to act on the plan) - she decided to stop taking her Lexapro and did not wean off or tell anyone what she had done (not fun times). In her case, she admitted herself voluntarily (after being told if not they would admit her involuntarily), she was able to wear her clothes with restrictions (no belts at all - including if your robe has a sash, no shoelaces (we took her bedroom shoes), no strings in any clothes (hoodies, sweatpants etc.) and no vulgar sayings on clothing. She shared a room with another female, there were men on the floor but she never felt threatened by any of them (in fact because she was the youngest adult in the ward they all looked out for her to be honest).

She was able to use the bathroom and shower as needed (however, if she wanted to shave - the nurses would give her a razor and stand outside the bathroom door with it cracked) but she never felt that her privacy was invaded. She was allowed to leave group etc. if she was overwhelmed and go back to her room. She ended up staying 5 days inpatient and then was released to 10 days outpatient.

Now, did it save her life - yes we all believe it did. Would she want to go back - not unless she felt that badly again.

All I can say - is that if you are truly feeling suicidal then you need to let your caregivers know - and then together you can determine what type of treatment you need.
(((Hugs to you))))