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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I thought about this, there is space, not belonging. I don't belong.

I felt grateful getting a thing accomplished, though guilt as misunderstood or wouldn't really have signed up for myself.

I felt shame & self-mistrust dealing with someone from work. And stress-stress-stress.

I felt awkwardness going about my day.

I felt shame dealing with a guy at the bank.

I felt misunderstood goodbye was thought as hello. And shame, as goodbye was preferable/ mutually palpable. So also, ironically, validation.

I felt surprised with 3 unexpected surprises.

I don't feel that great, so can't know if my thoughts are clear. Tired, on edge. Not very eloquent! Hard to find the words.
 
Frozen, sore and sick.

I was thinking of the last months/ year, working through, covid , death of immediate family; Christmas, bday, New Year, daily impossibilities; etc, everyone being told to virtually step up their game and reach out. Thought of relative , people who didn't bother to send a card, don't reach out. Which, I understand, you're supposed to be lenient on people and they have their own trials- but a person only dies once. And feels like indifference- even worse indifference to who died I just can't muster feelings of any of this shows caring, or concern of any kind. I just can't muster the energy or heart to pretend I feel otherwise, or act otherwise, or pretend people care or don't simply have their own interests at heart. Is that wrong? Or just a normal and accurate interpretation based on reality?
 

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