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What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

I am feeling tired but I slowly getting through the chores which I need to do.

I am still scared and worried about H, my daughter and my brother all in the same car driving home. They should be home by 4pm.

I am looking forward to sitting and relaxing with my family tonight.
 
((((Kramer))))))) (((((((JoMay))))))) (((((((KP))))))))

I am clearly having some deal with posting jokes because I'm like a mad woman doing it this week! I feel good, plain and simple, this is the time of year I love and especially without having to deal with my mother, how great is that?! Even though I've spent FAR too much time alone and it's been difficult starting over, I have been starting over. I fear I look like some kind of freak or weirdo :unsure:, but this is it, this is one of those rare times I feel set free, my head is screaming and hurting like I have a knife stabbed in it but I'm fighting with everything I have to lean forward and hold on to this growth.

Don't mind me as evolve.
 
Rejected that only my wife understands.

Saddened they don't believe me, but this is exactly what my attackers said would happen, shouldn't be surprised.

Head is spinning, ears ringing from a lack of sleep.
 
So mixed. Happy that I believe in the reason for Christmas, but sad for all who find it as painful as I. Memories mixed with fears and anxieties about future Christmases. Longing for someone to hold, and to hold me back, yet knowing those days are over. How can I miss something I never had?

Holding my child, who is now 30, only happens as he passes through town and I take him to the airport. We are VERY close emotionally, and spiritually, and I am so thankful for that, I just want to hug him more often! And I miss my little girl just as much as every year.

I'm thrilled that (((IkonNikon))) made it through her horrible surgery, and her memory is mostly intact I think. Wish I had the $$ to fly out and be her advocate. For now, I'm praying constantly for good things to come her way!! (She gave me permission to share)
 
Really, really depressed about my relationship, and my future. Feel pressured and like I can't do anything that doesn't hurt someone else. Wishing that just for once, things could go at my own pace and not like I am trying to keep my head above water after a tsunami hits. It's Christmas eve, and feeling this bad, and this stressed, is just ruining it for me. I have presents to wrap, I should be preparing and hopefully feeling positive about Christmas, especially after all the work I put in creating it. But I just woke up with this heavy aching feeling in my chest, and anxiety and stress, and it won't go away. I just wish it wasn't Christmas at all and I could curl up in my bed and not see or talk to anyone for days.
 
I am going to add to my last post... I am totally EXHAUSTED physically. I cannot get up, and I have a ton of stuff to do to get ready for Christmas... All I want to do is go to bed. Please let me get it together to get up and do what I need to do... I am just sooooooo tired! Wish Santa would bring me some energy for Christmas, because I feel like not only have I used up all mine, I am running on a deficit.
 
I feel numb and withdrawn. I want to lie in a dark room all day and watch tv. Thank goodness I was able to put up a decent front for the kids this morning. This is so damn unfair:(
 
I feel like "what am I doing here?" but then I am soooooo thankful be able to be here. Things went all wonky this morning. I don't get it but I'm guessing it was bound to happen. :(

I've had some great moments so far and am basically huddled away in order to get some space to be able to begin this day over. We did the "Christmas Photo" segment, OMG!! of course it was chaotic with dogs everywhere and Santa hats falling off, but it turned into ugly for a moment and I had to stop and walk away.
I feel hopeful that by doing so and explaining what and why that we will be able to continue in a bit. Breathe...

Thinking about everyone (((hugs))))
peace,
Rain
 
This has been how it was for me too... Ups and downs. Feeling good about everything I did for everyone and how I got it all done (even though I haven't slept as a result, but since I am accustomed to wrapping and prepping for a family of 8, doing it all because my mom came down with a bad flu, and needed my help was completely do-able) but there's been moments where I just wanted to throw the holiday and my family out the window! Except my daughter, she helped me wrap until midnight and it actually was very pleasant to spend that time with her, and have someone to wrap with and talk to while I was working. I enjoyed our time together, and she is so totally worth it :) :) :)

But yes it sure can be a rollercoaster ride. I'm too wound up now to sleep and it is already 7 am so just taking some quiet time instead, and hopefully will catch a nap when the festivities are over before Christmas dinner :).

Merry Christmas everyone!!! :D
 
Yes! Rain Any minute is a new start- it's the Christmas Frantic pace, expectations, exhaustion etc.

Breathers, time outside, minute to pray, cup of coffee/ spiked eggnog (lol,- whatever works), etc.
Love and kindness to yourself, Rain, xoxoxoxox
(((((((((Rain)))))))))

((((AKJ))))), and All, Peace and Kindnesses today for yourselves, plus send IconN Big Hugs-
xox
 

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