Wow, something occurred to me, I have tried to have a voice or ask, or ask for help, best I know how, but to no avail. Phone calls unreturned, e-mails unanswered, calls and messages received like I never spoke. :confused: It's sort of like being silent, not a voice that can be heard, or perhaps that is too bothersome to be heard? Or maybe I am wrong to ask. At any rate, I believe this was how it started 30 years ago, it was the same, I remember. I remember I tried, and how it felt. So although now I realize just how futile it is, or even accept it is wrong to try, I see how although I tried 30 years ago it wasn't effective then, either. So I guess I could never have stopped the ptsd-in-progress. That whole knowledge makes me sad in a way now, to realize it will be like that always, I guess, but also in another way I am relieved. It wasn't just me not speaking up, I tried, maybe I didn't say the right thing, or to the wrong people, or in the wrong way.
I feel better though, also, because it takes away any expectation in trying, and it was not all my fault (re: getting ptsd, or what followed) because I did try.