My Name Fin ally Perhaps~
I am proud to be able to accept that I am flawed and know so very little sometimes and I also know somethings too. I am proud again to be able to stand and be amongst people that do not judge me and have helped me become more of the person I am today, a newer and better version, someone that has somehow begun to manage her ptsd.
I am proud to be able to accept that I do not always have all the answers and that I do make mistakes, and that makes me human. I am proud that I can show the compassion I have for others even though the fear in me of being judged is strong.
I am proud that today I have the people that are important to me under one roof, that I have somehow managed to keep a roof over my head, and that my son has a place to come home to. I am proud that today I can accept that it is alright to be proud of the things in life that I have accomplished and achieved, and that I am truely proud of the friends I have and have known and of the ones that I have yet to meet I am looking forward.
I am proud to be able to say I have lived as well as I have been able to despite everything that has happened to me in my life. And that despite what the internet and various practitioners online have said to me, that I know the truth of my life and am able to accept my mistakes and am better still somehow still trying to face down ptsd and look it square on despite the fact that I am a round peg. I am truely grateful and also proud that I am growing stronger somehow with each see the funnhat I am still occassionally able to see the funny side of life despute being differently abled in some ways to others.
I am proud not to have to keep checking everything I write and put out there I am trying to let go of the fear that has slowed me down for over 40 years now. I am proud to say that once I was a runner 9not world class but that doesnt matter) An dthat now perhaps rowing may be what helps me get fit again too.
I am proud to be able to say I love deeply and I am still trying to find better things within myself to love and be proud of. I am proud to say I will possibly never have all the answers I need or think I need to help me combat what I have experience of , I am proud to say that perhaps one day it wont have to be all or nothing with me. I am somehow not expecting or ever have expected that of others and so now I am trying to show myself the same care and compassion now.
I am proud to say I am a apssionate person, ad that is alright because despite some little ocd quirlyness going on in the background... it is ok to be passionate, to have passion is a good thing also.
I am proud to say I am facing ptsd daily but that it does not have me, I am sonehow managing better than I thought I ever would and I believe that is a testamnet to my courage and determination. I am prooud to say that I slept well (ish) for the first time last night in years, and that otday I feel hopefull that I will really and truely live and feel better things in time to come
I am proud to say I have good people in my life now that are helping me balance out some of the negative connotataions of my lifeexperiences. I am rpoud to say that the struggle has been worth it, that I am a caring parent that knows better than my parent did what is right about how to bring up a child. I am proud to say I am not the person I was told I was when I was being abused etc.
I am proud to say it is alright to ramble through with my writing and that if noone wants to read it that is alright also. I am proud to say I will be opefully learning more with each new day now about the forti tude that helps me stay alive, about friendship and good feelings about dreams and strength of character, about love and openeness, about feelings and hopes and trust I am proud to say I am begining to see something brighter now
I am also proud to say that when I offered my hand in friendship despite perhaps being misunderstood I was not afraid of the experience, nor afraid to sometimes say no, i am not able to be there today. I may wellface rejection, I may well face more abuse.. but I am still here and today this is good
For those that know and respect me I am proud to know you also, I have the deepest respect and the most profound admiration for you A ll also. It is not easy to care for someone hat has ptsd, it is not easy to love someone that ... is me, but the fact that you care about me today means alot to me.
Friends are like stars sometimes we may not alway see them but the love and kindness they have shown and continue to show just by being out there, is sometimes enough to guide us all maybe, it is today for me good to know strange but true, and I thankyou all of you. It isnt easy to know me and yet somehow people here are still kind enough to support me and show me the way
please continue
managing ptsd
keep going and keep laughing when you can
please keep hoping and I hope your dreams and love will strengthen you also
it is not weak to admit when we are wrong, it is not a flaw to accept the things we cannot change, and it is ok to keep writing through the storm, be chersihed and know we are all wonderful and beautiful also thankyou~laura