What Are Your Thoughts On Forgiveness?

[A-RON]

I'm just curious what y'alls thoughts are on the concept of forgiveness. Have any of you heard of The Forgiveness Project? I'm curious to know peoples' thoughts.

 

[jeapea]

Hi. Interesting topic. And a 'hot' one for me.

My take on forgiveness is pretty simple, direct and straightforward.

Forgiveness is only possible through repentance.

My abusers kept telling me I should forgive them... (and so did a lot of other do-gooders) but they didn't stop the abuse and they didn't take responsibility for it. They don't need to be forgiven because it was their choice not to be and it had nothing to do with me.

Forgiveness is a baisc Christian principal and to the best of my knowledge, not even God will forgive an unrepentant human being.

jps

 

[cragger65]

That's a clear way of looking at it Jps, thanks. I was raised Catholic but must confess I don't remember much of it now.

I try to think of forgiveness as "letting go for my own good". A daily task, so I am told. That way, it is not dependant on the actions of others. Is it successful? Well, it's a daily task. And yes, I think it has helped me.

A-RON: What is the Forgiveness Project? Never heard of that one.

 

[adrian_newbridge]

I know forgiveness is a big thing in religion but I find a lot of people forgive because they think they should. For me I came to realise that it was down to me if I wanted to forgive anyone. The choice was mine and I chose not to forgive the people who hurt me, and that helped me a lot. I've forgiven people who have let me down in the past but those that have caused me major trauma, no way, they don't deserve my forgiveness.

 

[missy8888]

You have to do what feels right FOR YOU.

Hey guys,

For some of you who have been really hurt by someone, I wouldn't expect you to forgive them! Why?? They haven't done anything to deserve your forgivness.. Don't let anyone guilt you or put pressure on you to forgive anyone.

Yeah i think forgiveness can be helpful to some people to let go or move on...in some situations...(not something of serious nature)
BUT, if you have PTSD it obviously changed your life permanently... you cant just say...OK fine i forgive you..

If it is an abuser asking for forgiveness.. I think it's cause THEY feel guilty about THEMSELVES....and not you... They just want to move on and get over it... But, YOU a survivior, can't just get over it..

tell them to go shit in a hat... You have every right to NOT forgive...and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It is your decision, do what feels right for you.. If they don't understand, TOUGH!!! let them walk a mile in your shoes!! They don't understand.

Hugs, Missy :Hug_emoticon:

 

[2quilt]

If the guilty person is sincerely sorry, then I can forgive, but not forget, nor do I forgive if the guilty person repeats a similar act. The perps of all my assaults never acknowledged that they did anything wrong, and I will never forgive them. I hold them fully responsible for their actions because they never showed remorse in the slightest way.

I have been told that I can't heal unless I forgive. That's bullsht.

 

[missy8888]

I agree!!!!

If the guilty person is sincerely sorry, then I can forgive, but not forget, nor do I forgive if the guilty person repeats a similar act. The perps of all my assaults never acknowledged that they did anything wrong, and I will never forgive them. I hold them fully responsible for their actions because they never showed remorse in the slightest way.

I have been told that I can't heal unless I forgive. That's bullsht.

I totally agree! Screw them!!

Do you think that some people only appologize cause it's about themselves feeling bad FOR themselves, and not even the person they hurt anyway???? What do you think???

 

[A-RON]

Hmm. Thanks everyone for responding. Cragger, the Forgiveness Project is a traveling art exhibit that has apparently gone around the nation/world/something to raise awareness that people out there in the world suffer from emotional pain. It's basically a collection of essays and they have a portrait photograph of the person who wrote the essay on their personal experience. You can google it. It's pretty interesting.

Anyway, I think it's interesting how so many people have different views on forgiveness depending on where they're at on that prticular day. For me, I know that one day I can feel like I will forgive everyone in the world before they ever do anything bad (like in a Jesus Lord and Savior kind of way), and then other days I take it all back and I wonder if I'm capable of killing the person.

I believe in forgiveness, but I've learned that all my beliefs are just theories until I put them into practice.

 

[Tinyflame]

I prefer to forgive because I have been forgiven a lot.

I also find not forgiving ends up a real energy-drainer for me, personally. I just want to get on with my own life.

I think you have to go by what you feel, and the time in your life.
I also have to learn how to forgive myself so I can use the practise.

 

[cragger65]

Thanks A-RON I will have to check that out sometime.

Junebug, I agree with you - it took too much of my energy up. Not that it's completely "gone" but it is so much less stress upon my system.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes- "less stress"- EXACTLY the way to put it.

 

[Luthien]

For me forgiveness is a rather strange one. I am an extremely empathetic person. To the point that it can be detrimental to my health. I actually can feel other people's feelings, especially if I am close to them, or if the feeling is particularly strong.

I had a friend in high school who suffered from vertigo. My relationship with her was pretty strong, and for the whole time her and I were friends, I would suffer her vertigo as well. I feel emotions and physical feelings of others. Another example is that while I have never been high on drugs, if I am around a person who is, I also end up feeling high. Only reason I bring up this crazy level of empathy, is that it tends to aid me in forgiveness.

I was hurt and abused a lot by my parents. They are pretty responsible for most of the traumas in my life, yet I am able to forgive them without even trying because I know they never meant to intentionally hurt me, or my siblings. The evil intent was never there, even though they did some awful, evil things.

Because of my empathy, I am able to feel what each of them went through, and understand them on a level so deep, that I can't hold their actions against them. I certainly didn't go out of my way to try to understand, or forgive, it just happened.

I have felt true malicious evil intent, from others, especially the men who attacked me when I was 17. They were just plain evil. They were not hurting themselves inside, not crazy, but evil in the very depths. Because they purposely went out of their way to hurt me, because they loved it, and it still turns them on, and because of the complete lack of remorse, I can never forgive them.

The one oddity in all of this is that I never felt anything, or picked up intent from the man who abused me when I was 15. He was like a brick wall with no feeling.. I am not sure if he really was devoid of feeling and intent, but because I never felt anything from him to help me distinguish whether or not he should be forgiven, I have never been able to, and it has always ben a question for me whether I should forgive him.

Thanks for the topic, it's an interesting one, and one that I ponder about myself.

Maybe forgiveness is something other than how I perceive it to be. Maybe it is a rising above, and should have nothing to do with forgiving only those who didn't mean it, or who did mean it but are remorseful. If this is the case, I certainly haven't been able to rise above.