Hi,
I'm new to this site. I stumbled upon it while searchin' for information on PTSD, support, or at least
some advice.
My boyfriend and I met in February of 2010. He had been home from his first combat tour from Afghanistan for about eight months when we met. He was goin' through PTSD therapy/meds at the time. We didn't begin datin' right away... Once we did begin datin' in May, we really hit it off. He didn't offer any information about his diagnosis of PTSD - Just that it was difficult for him to process more than one thought at a time... We dated for about a year before he went on his second combat deployment to Afghanistan.
He left for Afghanistan last July, and returned several months ago in March. Durin' the deployment, we did VERY WELL. We kept in very close contact, and he was very excited about comin' home and resumin' our relationship... Toward the end of his deployment, he did express some worry (about us). He said that it wasn't that he was worried about his feelin's, he said that it takes him a while to readjust and was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I assured him that if we just took each day as it comes and to communicate that we would be fine. And that seemed to assure him.
When he came home, we were SO HAPPY. Honestly, it was better than I had imagined it could be. The relationship was actually better/stronger than it was before he left on deployment. He said that he wanted to get married, and even talked about possibly havin' children... He began workin' on the fifth day back, he also took two college courses that took up three days a week, he drove from San Diego up to Long Beach every weekend to see his daughter, then make time for me and his friends durin' the week. I felt that maybe he had bitten off a little too much, too soon, but he said that he could do it. So I was always supportin' him and encouragin' him when he felt overwhelmed or worried.
But after two months, I noticed a change. He never wanted to be without me (which I didn't mind at all), he stayed at my place for over two months because he didn't want to stay at his new place. He had nightmares. He said more and more that he felt "stressed over everything", he was paranoid around certain friends and co-workers. He thought that they were either tryin' to undermine him at work, "trick" him, or that they wanted to peg him as bein' "crazy". These are people that he's known for several years, who really care about him. When I'd ask if he felt all right, he would just say he was "fine, but stressed over everything," that he just needed a little rest or relaxation... Then (he was home for about three months) he had an anxiety attack at the grocery store - That's what really alarmed him. He decided to make an appointment with a doctor for the followin' week... Well, (because of his ex-wife) he rescheduled two more times. Durin' those three weeks, I noticed that he became increasingly agitated and short-fused, he became somewhat withdrawn, too.
The last weekend in June, we were havin' a heated discussion that escalated into an arguement. We gave it a few days and spoke again, but he was very reluctant to talk to me... We were talkin', and to me he seemed....just not himself. He was up & down, he would get riled up and yell, then he would slow down and be calm... He said he felt we should break up. I kept thinkin' "he doesn't love me". But when I'd ask him, he said that he was crazy in love with me, but felt that it was best to break up and that I should find someone who would treat me better. He said that he felt that he was a burden to me, and that I fixed everything, and that he wanted to be able to be "the rock, too" to be able to fix things on his own. He was all over the place. He kept talkin' about "the feelin'". He said several times, "The feelin' came. I thought it would go away. I thought it would get better, but it won't go away." When I'd ask him to tell me what "the feelin'" is, he just couldn't put it into words, he had no idea how to explain it. He was all over the place with his thoughts and his words. He said that he felt confused, then he'd ask, "Can you do this?" He wasn't makin' a lot of sense. He said that it would be best to break up. His last words to me were, "I'm supposed to see someone in a few days. Maybe they can figure out what's wrong with me, because I can't."
It's been six weeks now and I haven't heard from him. He was very adament at the end about the break up. This has been incredibly difficult for me - This man is someone who said that he loved me and wanted to marry me, to spend his life with me... My inital reaction/feelin' was to keep remindin' him of what he means to me, to be there for him. But he seemed to feel so strongly about wantin' this breakup.
What did I do wrong? How did I fail at this? Any advice, insight, or just some support to let me now that I'm not the only one this is happenin' to would really be apppreciated.
I'm new to this site. I stumbled upon it while searchin' for information on PTSD, support, or at least
some advice.
My boyfriend and I met in February of 2010. He had been home from his first combat tour from Afghanistan for about eight months when we met. He was goin' through PTSD therapy/meds at the time. We didn't begin datin' right away... Once we did begin datin' in May, we really hit it off. He didn't offer any information about his diagnosis of PTSD - Just that it was difficult for him to process more than one thought at a time... We dated for about a year before he went on his second combat deployment to Afghanistan.
He left for Afghanistan last July, and returned several months ago in March. Durin' the deployment, we did VERY WELL. We kept in very close contact, and he was very excited about comin' home and resumin' our relationship... Toward the end of his deployment, he did express some worry (about us). He said that it wasn't that he was worried about his feelin's, he said that it takes him a while to readjust and was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it. I assured him that if we just took each day as it comes and to communicate that we would be fine. And that seemed to assure him.
When he came home, we were SO HAPPY. Honestly, it was better than I had imagined it could be. The relationship was actually better/stronger than it was before he left on deployment. He said that he wanted to get married, and even talked about possibly havin' children... He began workin' on the fifth day back, he also took two college courses that took up three days a week, he drove from San Diego up to Long Beach every weekend to see his daughter, then make time for me and his friends durin' the week. I felt that maybe he had bitten off a little too much, too soon, but he said that he could do it. So I was always supportin' him and encouragin' him when he felt overwhelmed or worried.
But after two months, I noticed a change. He never wanted to be without me (which I didn't mind at all), he stayed at my place for over two months because he didn't want to stay at his new place. He had nightmares. He said more and more that he felt "stressed over everything", he was paranoid around certain friends and co-workers. He thought that they were either tryin' to undermine him at work, "trick" him, or that they wanted to peg him as bein' "crazy". These are people that he's known for several years, who really care about him. When I'd ask if he felt all right, he would just say he was "fine, but stressed over everything," that he just needed a little rest or relaxation... Then (he was home for about three months) he had an anxiety attack at the grocery store - That's what really alarmed him. He decided to make an appointment with a doctor for the followin' week... Well, (because of his ex-wife) he rescheduled two more times. Durin' those three weeks, I noticed that he became increasingly agitated and short-fused, he became somewhat withdrawn, too.
The last weekend in June, we were havin' a heated discussion that escalated into an arguement. We gave it a few days and spoke again, but he was very reluctant to talk to me... We were talkin', and to me he seemed....just not himself. He was up & down, he would get riled up and yell, then he would slow down and be calm... He said he felt we should break up. I kept thinkin' "he doesn't love me". But when I'd ask him, he said that he was crazy in love with me, but felt that it was best to break up and that I should find someone who would treat me better. He said that he felt that he was a burden to me, and that I fixed everything, and that he wanted to be able to be "the rock, too" to be able to fix things on his own. He was all over the place. He kept talkin' about "the feelin'". He said several times, "The feelin' came. I thought it would go away. I thought it would get better, but it won't go away." When I'd ask him to tell me what "the feelin'" is, he just couldn't put it into words, he had no idea how to explain it. He was all over the place with his thoughts and his words. He said that he felt confused, then he'd ask, "Can you do this?" He wasn't makin' a lot of sense. He said that it would be best to break up. His last words to me were, "I'm supposed to see someone in a few days. Maybe they can figure out what's wrong with me, because I can't."
It's been six weeks now and I haven't heard from him. He was very adament at the end about the break up. This has been incredibly difficult for me - This man is someone who said that he loved me and wanted to marry me, to spend his life with me... My inital reaction/feelin' was to keep remindin' him of what he means to me, to be there for him. But he seemed to feel so strongly about wantin' this breakup.
What did I do wrong? How did I fail at this? Any advice, insight, or just some support to let me now that I'm not the only one this is happenin' to would really be apppreciated.
