What Do You Do If You Have No Supporter In Your Life?

[Hashi]

wasn't my decision to stop therapy, it was my therapist. I only have coverage for short term sessions.

Please feel free to ignore this post if you want to. I don't mean to be dismissive of what you've said, I understand that you've said your question isn't to get support but to ask how to deal with things without support. I don't want to step on that, and realise that I probably am. I just want to clear up whether there's any chance of having more therapy. If no, there's no possible chance in the world, for eternity, then fair enough. I can't help wondering if you're in the Uk and talking about NHS provision, in which case I think you've probably automatically been shortchanged on this and might have options outside the NHS.

Fellow Brit or no, I promise I won't ask you about therapy again after this unless you indicate it's OK to, and will completely understand if you ignore this message or tell me I'm being annoying.

 

[rainy_daze]

I have had a lot more replies to this thread than any I have started using my real username.

When I first read your original post, I actually thought "anonymous" was your username and I really liked your avatar. Then I realised it's a forum anonymity thing, which is a cool function for the forum to have. Sometimes it's difficult to not get a lot of replies, but I wouldn't read anything into that, there's a lot of threads on here, and some get more responses than others. I personally don't think it's based on your username, the number of replies you receive.

even nurses are surprised when you you arrive alone? When they feel exasperated, some don't hide it very well, because it means you will need a few extra minutes of thier time. When some of them send you out to catch a cab and you can hardly stand up straight and one of them mutters," you should have brought someone".

Maybe a lot of your questions are rhetorical (and I'm sorry if you're not looking for answers to them), but reading your story about the nurse I was wondering, are there any agencies in your area which can offer care support for helping you go to appointments?

What Hashi was saying is true, about options outside the NHS for therapy, if you're in the UK, and I know members here have referred to different agencies in the past on threads.

I have a major thing happening to me today and I don't have anyone I can call to help me through it.

You still have people on here. I realise that isn't the same as having someone in your life at the end of a phone, or a person there by your side in physical form, but you have people here. I think it's a good idea to keep coming back to this thread, because I know you're helping others by posting about this and hopefully in turn people are helping you. I'll keep popping back here, and I hope the major thing that happened to you is feeling more manageable as time goes on.

This is what I mean (I'll steal the words of Abstract, because I'm struggling for my own) :

I hope the pain and darkness lift a little for you.

 

[Jenfa]

I think I learned something really weird this week, and it had to do with this very topic. I thought about the concepts of groups of animals in a society where said and unsaid rules are really just insulting to the sensibilities to begin with.. but also, the smaller the group, the less likely there's going to be an individual who has a similar sense of preservation as a whole, a pack, so to speak. Sure, the men have to branch off and do all of that but the women that are supposed to be bonded for life simply aren't. It's like a huge tree, and the bottom branches are gone, so the top is leaning back to it's roots trying to stay alive.

I also thought that perhaps if the blood-born members of my family were those broken branches, well.. they gotta be replaced with some stronger ones. It sucks when family are the only people in your life because of this thing, but they also happen to be the only people that have no insight or experience with it. I want to grab my brother and slap him upside the head till Tuesday 2020 rolls around but I know it really wouldn't do anything. But... just say I find someone like you, or anyone here, and that started a branch for the both of us. It wouldn't be the one I would have liked, knowing my family is pretty much inept on so many levels that it's laughable. That's in no way your fault that you can't make them see what's going on. It's not even their fault. Their branches probably have been broken so long that they don't see the progression.

As a real support unit, one way to look at it is hey, you get to pick who's on your team now. You don't get default yeller #1 or default denial queen #2 and default ignoramus #3. and perhaps default captain a-hole #4. Now you get a crack at first pick. Good luck, and I really mean that. Love is blind, but the neighbors ain't. I'm thinking it takes a village to maintain an adult as well as raising a child. I'm just happy that village is there, cuz i'm going lmao

 

[anonymous]

I like that, knowing I can pick my own family. My family doesn't understand, most of them don't know what happened to me. My parents know but they didn't even realize anything had been wrong. If you take that analogy one step farther, the tree has branches but they also have seeds that break off float away and grow to become their own tree with their own branches.

I have signed up for a support group, it is for sexual abuse victims. I was in it a year ago but I kept having flashbacks and dissociating after class. I just wasn't ready for it then and had to quit part way through. I have learned a lot since then and I hope I will do better this time around.

 

[Deleted member 20978]

I am pretty new to the forums, don't have answers but need to respond and say I relate so much to what Anon and Pencil have been posting. My childhood was one of neglect and isolation, as well as a pretty traumatizing period when I was 7. There was no "before" for me either, though I was a happier person in 1st grade than after.

Skipping my story, I'm now feeling very alone. My family of origin has pretty much always been just my mother, who traumatized me, so it's difficult to seek support from her. The relationship is too potentially volatile and so I keep some distance. Though I am married, we've both been unhappy for years, due to her problems and mine, or how they add up to very problematic communication, lack of intimacy. We are in a confusing period of maybe/probably heading towards separation, but it's hard to say what will happen.

For years now my friendships have been limited to shallow work friends, where I can avoid real bonds beyond the workplace and thus avoid being exposed or scrutinized for the... ball of shame and emptiness and whatever else I am. I've had a few friends outside who I think are of the self-absorbed type who quickly disappear if I'm going through rough times and generally seem to only want to interact around less bonding areas. Since I recently experienced some very crazy shit, these friends have disappeared for months. I'm trying to reach out and reconnect, but really am not sure if I'm better off begging for connection and understanding wi such people or turning my back on them.

Anyway I'm plagued with depression, anxiety, and panic/terror, all of which feels to me like it is *because* I have no supports and have come to feel that I never will. That I've lived a life almost devoid of roots and the ability to form them. I'm becoming nowhere man.

So, sorry this is so long. I'm tired and rambling a bit. But short version is that I really relate. I care too. For me, just finding *anyone* who both understands the loneliness and pain of lifelong PTSD, childhood neglect and trauma etc. and also will communicate with me, whether on forums, chat, maybe finding someone local to walk in the woods -- this feels very important. To be able to share with someone who understands, that seems like the foundation of mental wellness for everybody. And it's why it's so miserable to not have family or friends.

I hope I'm not worsening the mood in this post. I really appreciate this thread. I've been anonymous and invisible for years (or trying to hide in plain sight at work). It's caught up with me and I'm desperate to see a way out of it. I'm sorry I forgot who posted earlier that they got better, returned to "civilization". That's very encouraging to hear.

 

[Thea]

I am alone without family or friends. I did try therapy but the therapist couldn't cope with my hopelessness and wanted me to see my GP. I'd started going to a Adult Child of Alcoholic and dysfunctional family group which was the only group I could find in my area. Losing the therapist was a big blow and I was so glad I'd already started attending the Adult Child group. That was four months ago.

Things have improved. I do have some hope now. I am still severely depressed, still have suicidal thoughts. Going to the group has made a difference. I still have no one in my life and still isolate. I could never ask for help. I joined this forum in desperation months ago. I've taken some baby steps and asked for more help ( by self referral). That's a vast change for me. Now, of course, I'm wondering how to cope when I'm visited for assessment :)