What Do You Do When You Can't Get Stable?

[Flossy]

@FridayJones That quote is going up on my wall in chalk. Thank you. I needed it.

 

[Justmehere]

I crave structure. In half self employed half on disability - and every day is a battle to create my own routine and structure.

I'm starting out small, with a routine every morning. 6am-7am feed the dog, get breakfast, clean apartment. 7am walk the dog. 7:45 get home 8am go to local library... it's not much but the simple routine even with all my flexible time helps.

 

[scout86]

that a person can't get stable... Is there anything to be done except to ride it out?

What's your definition of "stable"?

One of my personal coping strategies is redefining terms. (Maybe that's cheating?) "Stable" might mean your own home, a steady job, and a loving family to some people. It could also mean "I have a place to sleep tonight." Or, "I THINK I have place to sleep tonight". Another, related, game I play with myself is "This might be bad, but it's not as bad as......" There has never been a time when I couldn't fill in the blank. Well, there was once that was really close. That's now my go to "that was worse than this" thing.

Basically, my approach is to split things up into doable chunks. Even if those chunks are microscopic. With a fallback position of "failure is not an option". And it's just not. I refuse to go there. Might make me crazy, but, oh well......

But, what IS YOUR definition of "stable"? Really. Because it might not be the same as most people's.

 

[Friday]

<grin> You know, @scout86? That's a very good question. And it's a helluva lot more useful than what I have been doing, which is kind of laying out all my lives on a light board and trying to figure out why these worked, and those didn't, and what the commonality is between each... And WTF am I doing now that is making everything go sideways... When I've been better having worse.

'Cause it was immediately answered, and clearly, instead of the clusterf*ck of everything else;

Stable means I'm independent.

That's the commonality. Whether I owned my own home with the whole picket fence, kiddos bouncing off the walls, even the dog in the yard... Or am homeless on a beach... Or am working jobs that have me in different bed -or none- in different cities, countries, or shitholes every night. Stability, to me, means I am able to take care of myself. I'm living my life as I am choosing to live it. I'm capable of living my life, even if it's all f*cked up or rainbows and unicorns, I'm here by choice, and managing. Why I can be stable, but still highly symptomatic, & vice versa; or like now am both reeeeally unstable & symptom rocking.

Ahhhhhhhhh. My mind is just blown. In a really, really good way. Cuts through so much BS, this.

<chuckling> It really does add a ton of clarity. I've been fighting for place to live/ income/ etc... And against "Cheque please!" full on homelessness for about a year how. Makes a lot more sense. There is stability -as I define it- in both directions. There's structure. I know I have no interior sense of structure, so I have to create it, externally. Both those options allow for if not demand it. Half measures availed us nothing, indeed. Huh.

 

[Friday]

@Everyone ;)

I really like that assuming the premise of not being able to get stable, what can one be doing... That the consensus is work on stability. Whether it's in whole or in pieces. Keep working towards stable. Rings massively true.

 

[scout86]

I thought maybe I should add that my T sometimes says I underestimate the importance of "safety". (Probably because I don't think it exists.) But it's sure easier to find answers when you're asking the right questions.

 

[Tinyflame]

But it's sure easier to find answers when you're asking the right questions.

And listening to your heart.

 

[Chava]

I'm capable of living my life, even if it's all f*cked up or rainbows and unicorns, I'm here by choice, and managing.

Because unicorns are f*cked up. But yes, we survive in spite of them. :joyful: In my therapy goals I wrote a few years ago I really felt I wanted to be able to take care of myself and feel okay, by myself. I want to learn how to ask for help and connect with others better too, but really feeling how I need to know I'm okay...even when I'm kind of not...that I can get through it. I really have to ground myself with familiar and more stable things...my dog, trees, nature sounds...

 

[Deleted member 12723]

For three years I was a full time caregiver to my husband who had Parkinsons and Lewy Body Dementia. When He died, my whole world crashed and burned and I was a full time basket case. I moved in with my daughter and her two daughters and I slept alot and was really focusing on grieving and healing and recovery. In the two years afterwards I have healed from the caregivers burnout and had so many new routines estabishled and they kept on adding on to my current stablity.

I have a routine and I am more stable now. I used to be the worlds worst procrastinator and now I understood why I wallowed in the symptoms for so very long.

Safety is key. Find ways to make you feel safe, because that is your security. It sounds like you have lived a year of so much instability to recover from.

It will come to you. You already have in your heart where you want to be and that is your goals. I am now a great listmaker and crossing things off my list is very comforting and I get things done which adds to my safety and security and I have new trust for myself now. I think it builds upon itself.

When I first started therapy there was nothing left of me and I was a complete basket case and had so much to learn and unlearn. It comes with effort and desire. Imagine what you dream and in time you will make your dreams come true. I hope this helps.

 

[The Albatross]

Okay... if I can't "get stable" I shift over to "harm reduction". Hard to explain, but I try to find a finger or toe hold so stop or slow the slide... and try to shift the focus to reducing the amount of potential consequences or harm. That's pretty much all I got.

Like trying to rest in place when I can't push the boulder up hill anymore and maintain... so I don't just loose it and slide all the way back down the friggin' hill.

 

[Changing4Best]

Sometimes I go to see my psychiatrist, or thankfully my therapist. Recently, I was prescribed some more anti-anxiety medicine, but now I don't use it much. Instead, I pray and God takes my anxiety away. This works as long as I remember to pray. Sometimes I forget to pray. Then the anxiety hits hard, until I remember to pray again.