What Do You Want From Therapy?

[piratelady]

I was asked this in therapy today. What do I want or where do I want to go with therapy. Apparently, "I want to deal with trauma" isn't specific enough. I was speechless and had no clue how to answer him. I mean, I know what I want the end result / who I want to be when all is said and done, but I don't think that's what he meant.

Have any of you been asked this question and if so, how do you answer?

 

[Pencil]

I hate it when they do that. It's like going to the hairdresser and he/she wants to know how you want your hair cut. I DON'T KNOW, GIMME SOMETHING THAT LOOKS GREAT!! Good hairdressers' fingers itch when you walk in the door and they know exactly what they want to do, tell you to close your eyes, shut up and just trust them.

Therapists love the idea that you should direct it all, take responsibility blah blah etc etc. I'm not so sure.
Would like to hear from those with more experience.

 

[piratelady]

I have to admit, I do see benefit in having the client direct the therapy. I mean, I get that he isn't a mind-reader and doesn't want to waste my time and money talking about something I don't feel I need at this time. I think I know what I want, maybe I just can't articulate it? It's just when he asked my mind went completely blank. I know he will ask again so I think I need to figure this out.

 

[Shellbell]

I haven't been asked that question, but it is a good question. It's one I will think about too.

 

[Smushroom]

I haven't been asked this, but i'm trying to think about it now. What do I want from therapy???

I'd love to learn how to deal with stress in an appropriate way. For example, missing the bus is a low level stress. But in my head, missing the bus would cause a meltdown (I can't catch public transport anyway) The way I handle (or don't handle) small stress, is the same way I handle big stress/traumas, which I know is not appropriate.

I'd love to learn how to function on a basic level. I can't go shopping, catch public transport, go out for dinner, I can't be with or around people.

I wouldn't LOVE to talk about the trauma, but I know I need to.

I'd love to learn how to control the flashbacks, or even stop them.

 

[Sandstone]

I'd love to learn how to function on a basic level. I can't go shopping, catch public transport, go out for dinner, I can't be with or around people.

Oh yes, I'd love to learn how to function, how to understand the world like other people do. One of the first things I said to T was that I don't understand how the world works. I was born without that bit of essential comprehension. Almost everyone else's reactions just seem downright odd to me, and wholly unpredictable.

So it makes it all the more frustrating that my T won't set us any sort of programme or tell how therapy is supposed to work. We just seem to bicker ever more over my not knowing how to do it and her refusal to tell me.

 

[Smushroom]

So it makes it all the more frustrating that my T won't set us any sort of programme or tell how therapy is supposed to work. We just seem to bicker ever more over my not knowing how to do it and her refusal to tell me.

Same here Stenni! We have no program, no format, no structure, nothing. Drives me nuts! I don't know how to world, how people, how therapy works. I too am lacking that important bit of knowledge.

I don't fight with my T, but I feel so disappointed and internally angry with her, but never say anything. Perhaps I should...

 

[piratelady]

When I go back in a couple weeks I think I know what I am going to say. I will tell him that I want to be able to have the memories of my trauma but not to be controlled by them. I want to figure out how to build up my self-esteem (it seems my lack of self-esteem contributed to my being caught in an abusive relationship). I also want to keep learning healthier ways to cope. I will tell him that as far as what that looks like in therapy each week, I have no idea. I hope he can take that and be sort of a guide.

Lately I have been feeling frustrated with therapy because all we talk about are my work issues. Perhaps he picked up on this and that is why he asked. Maybe you two could tell your therapists what you are looking for in therapy and that would help? It is probably better to try to talk about it rather than be frustrated that therapy is not going in the direction you want.

I really don't think it is too much to ask them to help you figure out what to talk about each week. This is how my therapy usually goes: We talk about what has happened since I was there last. He is usually able to pick up on what I am struggling with and will start to ask me more questions around that topic. For instance this past week it was about whether or not I am ready to try dating yet and what makes me so anxious about it.

 

[Sandstone]

If you do decide to raise it, Smushroom, tell me how you get on. How long have you been seeing your T?
I'm in the fifth month of weekly sessions, though she did have a two week and a three week break

I've said to T that I see this as a linear process, but I accept we might need to go off track to take in something that crops up. she says, no, its not like that. And still won't tell what it is like.

If I ask "Should I be doing this? Will it help me?" she asks me what I think. How do I know? I can tell her how to do data analysis, but I'm not a T. I'm not trained.

I've said it calmly: I've shouted it: and I 've said it through sobs " I don't know how to do this. You do. You're trained, you're experienced. While I was on the waiting list I learned what I could and tried to apply it and IT HASN'T WORKED"

I need her to lead. I don't know what to prioritise. I'm sick of thinking we're going to follow on from what we did last week and finding we're somewhere else altogether.

Sorry to rant, but I didn't sleep at all the night after the last session when we didn't pick up on the workbook she'd asked me to do, and despite a double dose of Zopliclone I'm not sleeping tonight because we are meeting again tomorrow.

 

[piratelady]

Maybe it is the type of therapy? I've heard there is therapy where you just sort of talk. Then therapy like CBT is supposed to be very structured. I'm not 100% sure on that, it's just something I think I heard.

 

[Sandstone]

I was expecting structured - both assessing Psychiatrists said I needed compassion based mindfulness as a foundation then probably CBT.

In the course of assessing me T said she'd be working mainly with DBT, and I liked he sound of what she described

Then therapy like CBT is supposed to be very structured

Is there anyone on the forum who knows more about the degree of structure that's normal?

 

[Smushroom]

I've been seeing her since March 2011, roughly 19/20 months I think? My brain is dead today, so if my maths isn't right, you know why! With an 8 week break in the middle, alternating between weekly and fortnightly sessions.

I tend to go in there and we will talk about everything bar what I am there for. We talk about the beach, surfing, what i did on the weekend. She seemed to focus on work a lot, although that is not my main issue. I am there to work on my trauma!

She has done so much for me and I would feel so awful cutting it off, but seriously, I'm wasting my money and her time on something that isn't working.

Plus, lately, it feels like I have to hint and nag for appointments, wheras before, she would simply write the next appointment on the back of my sheet. I feel like I have to chase her, and I hate it. She told me last week that we 'need to talk about the trauma' yet, she isn't making any appointments? And why now, after 20 months, does she want to talk about the trauma.

Urgh, im just so upset and angry about it all. You are right, they are the trained ones, they should know! I need a leader, I need structure. She knows what I'm like! I just don't get it.

Oh, there is so much more I could say, but I won't. I am so grateful for everything she has done, and she has done a lot more than required, but I'm just a bit dis-satisfied.