What If A Good "part" Of You Disappears?

[Chava]

@Muse ...I like the spiral image, and how flowers open in their own way too...I have learned a lot of patience, like I understand slow process of healing makes sense for these long term patterns or old traumas. Thanks for the images you share.

I used to be quite self critical. I really don't have a load of thoughts anymore, though I do notice they can become wildly distorted if I'm slipping into a meltdown. For me it's a lot of vague senses, feelings, maybe some deep beliefs I can't articulate well (this stuff of surviving by accident, etc). I'm a little stumped in regards to what I can heal and what is truly a part of me that I should just accept. But I do notice that the feelings change in a subtle way, so it is hard to describe or even realize it's happening sometimes (like I don't always feel like I'm not going to live much longer...I sort of imagine a future sometimes, or at least don't believe I'm not worth it...I just don't feel super confident...just a little "meh, okay, we'll see"...but taking care of myself.

Thanks @Tanishq ...I hope you're right. I don't feel like I'm a bad person, but pretty chilly and useless and uninspiring, like I have nothing to offer lately...empty shell idea...but not horrible empty like it's felt in the past. So even whatever this is right now, is not new...it's a mode I've been in before but it's resurfaced with less self-destruction, so I guess that's an improvement. :):cautious::O_o:

 

[Tanishq]

@Chava I think you are inspiring and good person. Just like I said, you might need to adjust your eye-sight to see this all. I understand going through lot of difficulties does shift so many dimensions of life and makes hard to see the good there is. It takes time to re-adjust it all and pick up with new mindset.

You are welcome. :)