What in your life do you most miss the most since getting PTSD, and how are you working to get it back, or accept its gone and move on?

[DharmaGirl]

I didn't have a self before PTSD either, but I was high functioning for a long time. I miss being social and I'm forcing myself to go to a Meetup group tomorrow. I would like to go to 2, but I should start with one. I am in a time of rest now, trying to find where my next steps lie.

 

[Tinyflame]

I realize(d) I am very black and white in some of my solutions for myself; that is I harm myself and throw a lot away, sort of all or nothing, or haphazard logic, such as having more abusive relationships than non. Idk if that makes sense. I can explain it more by way of example, but I am too tired and have to get to work. :(

Needless to say, some of those kind of choices (for myself) aren't healthy or helpful. More giving up, I think (such as accepting abuse or SA, because fighting it seems impossible.)

 

[lovak]

I want to feel relaxed again. I have an endless need of staying in control over everything all the time. So if I'm busy controlling stuff and doing things, I don't get anxious. But the moment I sit or lie down, I'm anxious, nervous, restless. I can't relax, my mind is always racing with musts and shoulds. If you ask me what I want in life, I answer with what I think I SHOULD be doing.
As a teenager I hated when someone told me I HAD to do something, and although I was already traumatized, I had a massive retraumatization period that led me to having to have control over everything.

I would love to relax sometimes. To really enjoy watching a movie, reading a book, taking a shower, and not think about all the things I have to/should do.


As for your 'reading problem', I have the same problem at the moment. For the time being, I'm only rereading books I've read before. Mainly because of triggers. But I lack the concentration to read anything new, because my mind is scared of being relaxed.

 

[New]

I miss the old me and my life before the most! I miss my friends calling me to cheer them up, being spontaneous, fearless, last minute trips with my best friend, shopping (not online), successful career, feeling adored by my husband, watching a movie the whole way through and remembering it(haha), feeling safe, and being able to keep going no matter what life through at me until the last trauma.....

I’ve been working to get my life back since it happened through therapy, multiple doctors, inpatient facility, and anything suggested from them.

Some days I decide I’ll never get it back but then I start fighting again because I refuse to give up.

 

[Hopefulphoenix]

Thank you all who wrote back! It feels sad and comforting to know just that I am not alone.
@SophiaWisdom ”maddening” is the best word ever to describe the whole of ptsd!!! Its something about having awareness with your mind, but your body just ignores it all.
Sometimes my husband tries to reassure me telling me I am safe, and I yell “I know that!!!!” Yet im sitting protecting myself in a corner. Sigh. It is what it is.
On monday Im restarting in trauma therapy. Fingers crossed for progress coz I am not giving up either @Faith Andrews !!

 

[One step at a time]

I am trying to gain back dexterity with my presence - voice and tone and movement. Arguably, I got so dexterous in the first place because it was a survival skill. It was protective. I lost a lot of it after I was safe, which is when I became very symptomatic.

 

[Tinyflame]

I can't even remember when I last felt like I had a feeling of self-respect, or lack of shame. I would like to feel that.

 

[Survivor3]

I miss my sense of motivation and clarity, Sense of self worth and creativeness. I'm doing volunteering work and work placements to help with that. I'm also starting therapy again. One day at a time, some days are just an absolute bitch though.

 

[911medic]

I miss not knowing all the bad things I know.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I miss being hyper-positive and super confident in my skills no matter what.

 

[Mach123]

I didn't ever not have it so IDK. But now I'm being myself, which I've never done before so therapy has helped me improve. There was never anything but trying to recover from what happened or make sense or remember it. CSA.
: /

 

[DharmaGirl]

I miss working, but I've healed enough to feel good enough. My whole life I felt not good enough, but after all this healing, I feel like I am good enough, lol. It feels so much different. I don't worry all the time what others are thinking, or their opinions of me because I like me. I'm not perfect, and do things I wish I wouldn't sometimes, but so does everyone. So I won't ever work a conventional job again, but I made up a job for myself, and I'll be happy to just be me.