What Is Best To Say To A PTSD Sufferer?

[Jagged Angel]

What is best to say to a PTSD sufferer? The truth.

 

[This Ends Now]

What To Say (To Me)

Ann Ominous,

Excellent name and excellent question. I cannot speak for others, but I can say what works for people trying to help me.

"Where are you right now?" (or how old are you or what year is it)

"I see that you are suffering, how can I help?"

"I realize that I do not understand, but I am trying to, can you help me learn?"

"Do you need space right now or would you prefer to talk?"

"May I say a prayer for you?"

Those are always good, no matter how far down the rabbit hole I go.

 

[Deleted member 27340]

"I won't leave you."

"You're safe."

Also don't over sympathise tears. Be careful with physical contact as this can be a trigger, and under flashbacks, panic attacks or breakdowns make sure it's okay to come near their body before doing so.

I'm just going to tell a story about when I got the best support ever. I was at an Iron Maiden concert with the bands Sahg, Kvelertak and Ghost as warm ups. I was in the front, but it went fine till Maiden got on stage. About halfway through the concert people started jumping more, and standing so close to everyone around me while people jumped up and down (made them rub against me) got unbearable. It triggered an anxiety attack, and I switched between screaming, sobbing and hyperventilating while I all the time shook and was in fight-or-flight mode. Fight was impossible; one person can't fight 20 000 crazy fans. Flight was also impossible; I was too scared to really move or turn around and the crowd was too tight. I ended up with lowering my head, lifting my shoulders and hiding in my arms because doing as I wanted and curl up in a ball on the ground would be a bad idea (mainly because people would pick me up -- metal fans are nice -- and that'd make me have their hands on me and yeah).

After about 30-40 minutes of panic I managed to walk further back among the people, because I knew some of the folks I went to concert with (friends of a friend) were not too far behind me. I found them, a girl and a tall boy, and she quickly grabbed my hand and lent over to ask me what was wrong. I just said "anxiety" into her ear and that was enough for her. We moved further away from the stage were people weren't standing that close and she held my hand and stood slightly before me by my side and he stood slightly behind me by my other side and let me cling onto his arm. She also said many times that "You're safe now."

That I could cling onto someone that accepted me and hold onto someone that supported helped so much, and being told I was safe and asked if I was better made me feel accepted and wanted. Holding onto them made feel closer to reality and safer. It's not what you say that's the most important, it's what you do.

 

[Mercy]

What you are remembering can not happen again.
You are a grown up now. (I usually need to prove it so I take a peek down my shirt.)
I will stay with you for a while if you want me to.

 

[The Albatross]

3 pages of things that I don't hear, ever. My spouse just isn't made to be comforting or encouraging... though neither, really, am I. When it all boils down to me I have a fundamental disconnect with what people say to me during "those times" anyways. I close up and wait til I can open up again... it's up to me. I think I probably am still pretty distrustful of this kind of stuff as it rings false and like platitudes. I don't really believe it I guess... still.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I want to support you. Tell me what can I do for you right now

Feelings come and go. We are not our feelings

Do you need help naming your trigger?

 

[tired of the fight]

@Junebug,

I like your words that "say" its ok. It's also ok to struggle. I've been telling myself this a lot lately and I'm finding it helps. and that doesn't mean I'm bad or and entirely hopeless person. :)[DOUBLEPOST=1405562477,1405562333][/DOUBLEPOST]@All

I Just love this thread! Some words can mean so much to hear. Small reminders. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Wow, thanks @tired of the fight . Five & 1/2 years later & I still need that reminder. That's a very big reminder! :hug:

 

[tired of the fight]

@Junebug,

And that puts a smile on my face :)

 

[Tinyflame]

Hugs & understanding supportive words to you, @tired of the fight . :hug:

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

Last winter when I was doing horrible and on the verge of suicide, I was "adopted" by my uncle for a week until I felt better. Here is what he told me:

"If you feel like you can't handle it anymore, you come wake me up, no matter what time of the night. I'll start up the car and we'll drive to the beach, so you can run and scream".

He also told me a story about when he was young, he went biking in the forest screaming to alleviate his frustration. Turned out there were gay men in all the bushes and they were really alarmed when he biked by.

 

[Saint Nik]

What would you suggest we carers say?

I know this is an old thread, but for anyone who reads this thread and replies:

How about asking questions on the actual intent of listening? But not on the intent to reply. Listening and imagining what they are telling you, it will surely provoke a response inside yourself and both can communicate what each other feels? This is how connections are made. So ask about it. If they don't tell you, or they can't, either because it's difficult to articulate or just too overwhelming for them. Sit with them, hold their hand and if you deeply love them, it's going to show in every action you display towards them. When you start doubting it, feeling unsure, insecure, worried, concerned. .check with you first, it might not be because of them, it could be because of yourself. You have somehow ignored you while trying to help them!