What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
It's kind of funny, I have no where left to turn.

Freedom, even being able to get out of your own house, can sometimes be impossible. The harder I try the more pushback I get.

Now what? I have no options I can see other than continued resignation, but I know it contributes to despair.

Thinking out loud, know there's no answer to this.
 
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Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
I was thinking of my body/ face, it's like an old car: you don't really care how it looks so much as if it starts on cold days.

Was thinking, my SI comes more from the stuff from the outside than the in. Always assumed it must be primarily from within me. Eta, or maybe more accurate to say, 1/3 is generated internally, and 2/3 is an internal response to external stuff.
 
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Rosebud

MyPTSD Pro
Atm, danger, though I was happier than I expected today, and had trepidations about what may occur tonight, still do. And couldn't fall asleep last night until about 5 a.m.. So actually pretty happy, considering that. Mind you, i almost wrote last night, "feel happy but a bit on edge". 🙄"

I think I fear the connotation of the word 'family'. People embrace it, but with my history I fear it. What could it possibly mean, in a positive context? Or how could it, for people like me? To me, it's a shelter from the storm. But reserved for those who have a safe person/ people, an established family +/or FOO. It's like metaphorically looking through a window where people are warm and safe and happy and it's brightly lit, but I am outside in the dark and cold passing by and don't want to be seen, but they are too busy to notice anyway. I suppose it feels like a poverty of sorts, reserved for others unless it's a toxic form.

Silly thoughts. 😶
 
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