What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

bird_on_a_wire

MyPTSD Pro
I was thinking, actually trying to help someone else yesterday without knowing what to say, and I remembered ~we all know what are loving or caring thoughts or actions. Obviously that comes back to responsibility for ourselves. But I also thought, we also know what are unloving or uncaring actions of others, sometimes with unloving words, sometimes not, and it doesn't come down to forgiveness at all, that's moot. It comes down to reality, of the amass of unloving or uncaring actions and words.

Waiting (and worrying) to hear re relative's car.

It's ok @ladee and @Lionheart , but I thank you. Not at all sad to me. 🤗
 
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bird_on_a_wire

MyPTSD Pro
i think I've come to realize, for some of us no one cares if we're living or dead, or about who we care(d) about, living or dead. Leaving only one's self as the one who could or would care. Finally found the words behind it, it's like no contact on a bday, etc. That's what it is, what's behind it.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I understand this more than I want to @bird_on_a_wire. But I've also learned that just because the people I WANT to be here for me aren't, there are plenty of people who do care and all I have to do is let them know I need someone to walk with me for a few miles. Or however long it takes. You are loved here and even if you don't believe it, it is a truth for many of us. Sending gentle hugs, tho they are not who you want them from, they are still yours if you want them.
 

bird_on_a_wire

MyPTSD Pro
That's kind @ladee , I send them back to you.

I don't mean this the wrong way, but virtual life is not enough for me. Names on a screen, in it's own way. But, tbh, I don't want them from anyone irl. Now, I just 'get it'. And it's very freeing in it's own way to know I can make all my decisions without guilt, or at least in an informed and realistic way.

Thank you. Hugs to you. 🤗
 

Rani G

Not Active
This hermetic sealed mind of mine needs some flushing:
So here I am reading about isolation, every poem, every „how to live a hermit lifestyle.“ How to not need other people.. why should I do the work alone in this family ? Delete and start new. I. Need. Exhile.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
@bird_on_a_wire. there are plenty of people who do care and all I have to do is let them know I need someone to walk with me for a few miles. Or however long it takes. You are loved here and even if you don't believe it, it is a truth for many of us.
@bird_on_a_wire I don't know if I am understanding you correctly or not, my brain is in a bit of a fog, but I second what @ladee has said and I too am sending gentle hugs to you if you want them. I know it is not exactly the same as a physical hug but we are real people who really do care, for whatever that may be worth to you. I have very few friends outside of this forum and only a couple of family members left alive, but I know I am loved and would be missed if anything "unhappy" was to happen to me. For me, it is enough, though I would wish for more. Whatever it is you need, I hope that you get it if it helps you to heal!!!
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Seeing my mother-in-law when I thought she was dead (a shocker..but happy I'll get to see her....then I'm sad cause she's gotten dumped in a nursing home).....so now that I know she's alive and nearby, thinking about ways of making her life a little cheerier in a nursing home....it's been a year and a half since I've seen her....I go tomorrow.

.....not seeing my new T this week....she's too good and I'm really super pissed off about old T and the headmess she helped to create.... therapy is creating lots of pushback in my head going to new T and talking about old T. New T took off Friday-said she had to and couldn't get around it....which creates a conflict since last T took off a lot and my head is telling me not to go back .....but I could probably stand to go.....cause my head is not feeling screwed on tight....but she won't be there....i'll suck it all up.....been hard to get to sleep.....been super angry......I think I'm working up to rage.....ready to break some dishes...

Thought I had holidays figured out till yesterday.....don't know whether I'll go to friends for Thanksgiving now....don't want to stay home........she's trying to work something out but not sure about those arrangements....don't want to stay here for Thanksgiving....I ordered the fresh turkey.....now it's all up in the air....

......need to lose weight.....I'm Covid fat....

.....just learned yesterday that I may be planning to spend Xmas with cousin whose cancer has returned and she's likely doing chemo....won't know until the first week in Dec. and I'll need a covid test before going.....

Need to pay bills.....and taxes....get that all caught up....

Need to clean up a couple of rooms

Need to publish some things I've written......

Motivation is all over the place.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
Seeing my mother-in-law when I thought she was dead (a shocker..but happy I'll get to see her....then I'm sad cause she's gotten dumped in a nursing home).....so now that I know she's alive and nearby, thinking about ways of making her life a little cheerier in a nursing home....it's been a year and a half since I've seen her....I go tomorrow.

.....not seeing my new T this week....she's too good and I'm really super pissed off about old T and the headmess she helped to create.... therapy is creating lots of pushback in my head going to new T and talking about old T. New T took off Friday-said she had to and couldn't get around it....which creates a conflict since last T took off a lot and my head is telling me not to go back .....but I could probably stand to go.....cause my head is not feeling screwed on tight....but she won't be there....i'll suck it all up.....been hard to get to sleep.....been super angry......I think I'm working up to rage.....ready to break some dishes...

Thought I had holidays figured out till yesterday.....don't know whether I'll go to friends for Thanksgiving now....don't want to stay home........she's trying to work something out but not sure about those arrangements....don't want to stay here for Thanksgiving....I ordered the fresh turkey.....now it's all up in the air....

......need to lose weight.....I'm Covid fat....

.....just learned yesterday that I may be planning to spend Xmas with cousin whose cancer has returned and she's likely doing chemo....won't know until the first week in Dec. and I'll need a covid test before going.....

Need to pay bills.....and taxes....get that all caught up....

Need to clean up a couple of rooms

Need to publish some things I've written......

Need to fix my journey safe place...it's corrupted.

Need to post some images for the nature photography contest and send them a check

Motivation is all over the place to get these things done.
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
There was a time in my late 30's, (I am now in my late 50's) when I decided that I am a human being and not a human doing.

My decision was based on the fact that I have several chronic illnesses that make it difficult to do physical tasks as normal. Right now I am sad for all of the things I have not been able to do because of severe fatigue;

...such as make it to doctor visits when my sister was battling cancer etc. not jumping up and pumping the gasoline at the gas station and the like.... So I guess I am kinda focused on my regrets and that includes the decision to have roommates move in with me. That's what is on my mind right this second.
 

bird_on_a_wire

MyPTSD Pro
I don't think it's a bad view @Rani G . In fact, it can be true to yourself. I am more inclined now to accept that same thought- except I know I put more value on relationships contributing to the value of life. So hence, without them it's not fulfilling for me. I'm not taking anything else with me when I die.

On the other hand, I heard it said it's for everyone a need to love, be loved, belong and have a purpose. I'm batting 1/4 if not 0/4 , so, what I choose now? Might be entirely different.
 
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