What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Miss Scapegoat]

I am thinking back over my life and so much of it has been just trying to survive that I don't know if I have ever done anyone any good. I look back and wonder if I have been a good man to people and if my life has mattered to anyone other than myself.

I also struggle with this. To do good requires action, not just thoughts or intentions. I tell myself that I take so much care to not cause any harm to others and for now, while I’m healing and surviving, that’s enough.

 

[sunlight7]

I never feel like I am enough. Doing enough, trying hard enough. If I could control my anxiety I would never be anxious.

People saying calm down is like nails on a chalk board when you are anxious.

 

[arobot]

I never feel like I am enough. Doing enough, trying hard enough. If I could control my anxiety I would never be anxious.

People saying calm down is like nails on a chalk board when you are anxious.

I feel like this too.

 

[arobot]

I bit off too much. I wanted to give up. I talked to someone in real life. They were encouraging. I'm an all-or-nothing thinker. I'm confused and anxious and scared. I'm in love. I hate that they love me back. I wish my brain wasn't so full of so many heavy things. Life is hard. But really, it's not, I just make it that way. I am tired.

 

[sunlight7]

I bit off too much. I wanted to give up. I talked to someone in real life. They were encouraging. I'm an all-or-nothing thinker. I'm confused and anxious and scared. I'm in love. I hate that they love me back. I wish my brain wasn't so full of so many heavy things. Life is hard. But really, it's not, I just make it that way. I am tired.

was is it a therapist or counselor? still taking that leap regardless says you want things to change and opening up about your mental health issues is not easy, that’s a big step. Have you always been an all or nothing type of thinker or is it something more recent?

I may not be an all or nothing thinker, but I’m confused And I’m scared too so know, there are others out there. finding out people on here felt things I felt like finding out a ton of people with PTSD have agoraphobia made me feel a lot less alone. I felt so weird and crazy and different but then I was like hold on it’s not just me.

Don’t get me started on love I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love. I thought I was but it wasn’t love. I personally can’t deal with the emotions of going to a relationship right now but I imagine it’s very difficult. Just remember you have boundaries and one person doesn’t get to dictate the relationship. If you don’t want to be in it, don’t. I don’t know anything about your relationship except what you said in this post, those are just my beliefs across all relationships.

It’s hard when your brain feels like it will not shut up or when you close your eyes at night and then all the sudden you get flashbacks. showers used to be hard for me I would always get flashbacks…. then I decided to start playing music in the shower, and that helped me so much.

Life usually surprises Everyone with the cards they are dealt. Things will be easier And sometimes it Will be harder. We can all make our lives more difficult. I know I have, why did I procrastinate so long getting a specialist in PTSD counselor PTSD. I think we’d be super human people if our lives were cookie cutter perfect.


As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize a lot more people go through different things, but some are much better at hiding what is going on with themselves and others. I’m pretty good at hiding it, but I would lay at night frustrated because I would just want to vent to someone who understood how I was feeling and I had no one that’s why I came here and it’s a place where I do feel like I can be open and not have to hide it from the world.

Life work school can all be tiring. You just have to get over the hump and sometimes it takes a lot more for one person to do it than another . If you feel comfortable talking to people on the outside world, I highly suggest a counselor, I’ve been going to ones on and off for years for different reasons, and I have found them helpful very helpful to be honest. But again, good job for taking the step and talking to someone about your feelings because holding everything in is not good because eventually it will have to get out.

I hope you get some rest and I’ll be here if you feel like talking, and so are many others on this forum.

 

[Friday]

I need to be better. Now. Yesterday. FFS.

 

[Friday]

9 generations of military service all the way back to pre-revolutionary war. Army. Navy. Marine Corps. Coast Guard. You would be the first SMART motherf*cker who enlisted in the Air Force. Please. Do. If you are AT ALL are considering serving your country. Regardless of your motivations. Getting the f*ck away from me, equally valid.

 

[ShawnaB]

Glad I did enlist in the Marines,grew up in a good family doing the right thing.Decided I wanted to do this in January of 1997.My family including my husband say I still sound like a Marine to this day.One is the swearing at times.

 

[Miyu38]

That my expectations to healing and how long it will take is to high. I now have to face that this will be life long journey.
To not look at myself as week because I can't move on from all that has happened to me in a short amount of time.

 

[Friday]

One is the swearing at times.

f*ck is the only descriptive word ever needed.

I had to make a dollar jar once I had kids.

Decided I wanted to do this in January of 1997.

<grin> I was right before you. Graduated in December. 17yo. Sandfleas. FFS. I remember counting 50 on a dress right dress before I gave up counting. Paris Island? Discipline. Full stop.

 

[FunLife23]

I'm too embarrassed and ashamed to be totally honest with my therapist about myself.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I need to be better. Now. Yesterday. FFS.

I can relate to every word. Me right now exactly. Including the last 3 letters.

Me:
This year has jumbled, broken and stomped on me already and we are not quarter way in. But at a certain amount of bad thinking it's bad enough that you either give up, or you try again. It seems almost impossible, but I'm trying again.
I wish it wasn't a whole day, but today I'm spending my time sorting through the chaos in my head so I can figure out what is a goal and what is a task and what is an idea, and generally: where do I go from here? Everything is up in the air and I'm tired of waiting to see what else will blow up in my face. It hurts too much constantly disappointing myself.