What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

[Friday]

“Good men don’t need rules.”

 

[parrotthepolly]

I've been in a pretty intense freeze response for the past 20 hours or so and ~relaxed~ for a few seconds just then and could smell my hair conditioner.

Didn't know how much all the senses could be tuned out that that it's possible to almost completely lose touch with 'reality'

 

[parrotthepolly]

Mine is exericising and caleries, caleries, calories!!

Me with anorexia:

 

[Abstract]

Managed to tell about being made responsible to save my brother and sister, which makes sense my brother and family being kidnapped would get that going agon even though not aware of it.

 

[parrotthepolly]

There are some people I miss, wonder what they're all doing now, if they ever thought of me again.
I may have pushed them away and it doesn't make sense to go back. We don't even have much in common anyway and I was scared of this one person but I'm not sure if it was obvious, I'm not not sure scared is even the right word but I know I shouldn't have trusted. It's been a couple of years.

 

[Dave Ryan]

There are some people I miss, wonder what they're all doing now, if they ever thought of me again.

That made me think of the only two serious girlfriends I had in my life, neither of whom were able to handle me wearing women's corsetry even though I explained about the years of sick bullying I endured in my childhood when I was forced to wear a girdle, the psychological damage it did to me, and the reasons why I had continued dressing like this long afterwards. I wonder how their lives went and if they ever talk about their weird ex to anyone.

 

[Susan Jane]

That made me think of the only two serious girlfriends I had in my life, neither of whom were able to handle me wearing women's corsetry even though I explained about the years of sick bullying I endured in my childhood when I was forced to wear a girdle, the psychological damage it did to me, and the reasons why I had continued dressing like this long afterwards. I wonder how their lives went and if they ever talk about their weird ex to anyone.

You are not weird Dave. We all have special effects .

 

[Teasel]

Grief & Gratitude
Been feeling a lot of grief lately, I think it's grief. For all the things we're going to lose.

The silver lining is gratitude, for all the things we still have as yet.

 

[parrotthepolly]

Nothing I should really say ...

 

[parrotthepolly]

Why is it 5am AGAIN ?!!

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

trying to think of silver lining,,, “at least he didn’t kill me.”
i guess this kind of thing isn’t one of the disasters you try and find these for. it’s a true one though

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

but being in the same room as another person and having to make eye contact with them while telling them all this stuff is a barrier I've yet to cross.

honestly, if you get a good/half decent one, you won’t have to look them in the eye for it. most if not all of my sharing has been done with me staring at a sand pit (tray?)/sketchbook/thing in my hand/T’s knee/object representing my traumatised self/random rocks and glass counters/the floor/inside of my backpack…

as long as it’s coming out to T it doesn't really matter how ““well”” you do it. no points deducted for not looking at your audience. or not using all the proper terminology at first, that gets refined later.
i think mine has started with “something bad”, eventually that gets clarified into “forced to do something i didnt want to/scary” and then more sessions later it’s what it was. my T will ask if it was something sexual, i nod, eventually i’ll be the one putting that out myself.

all takes time, i always have the idea of getting it all out myself in one go. often goes much differently to that. gets developed up in different ways over sessions.

kind of like microdosing so i don’t completely screw myself flooding it all out, as ideal as that can seem to be. or so i don’t lock myself down entirely.

sharing trauma is rarely a one-session job, even if you want it to be. building some trust comes first, too.

often we start looking at the difficult feelings before she even knows what properly happened. (eg. guilt, shame.). Good T doesn’t need the full detailed puzzle to be able to start working with you.