What Makes You Angry Today?

[reddevil1111]

its all about the stress levels mate. Find some way to release the stress...go for a walk or give it a wank....whatever it takes :)

 

[Chin Strapped]

I'm home. Stress has reduced a bit, what a shit day at work. So close to smoking a spliff.

I'm going to tell it straight in therapy, I'm such a mixed bag all the time. I keep almost telling myself I'm better and believing it. I just want to be normal.

I know it's never going to be normal, but I hold onto that thought too much. I'm a young man ish, achieving more than I could ever imagine. I just want to enjoy it. What a f*cker life is.

Thanks guys. At least here people know exactly what the crack is.

 

[JarHed]

I just want to be normal.

Hey Dan

I've been saying and thinking that for, well a very long time. I think it's tricky sometimes when we do feel good or at least better for a while I know that I start thinking that maybe I'm kinda' normal now. Then BAM!!!, sideswiped by the beast. And back where I started.

It's still hard to take everyday as it comes. Some are good, some are OK and some just suck. Been havin' the sucky ones of late. It'll change for you as it does for us all. Get better for a while I mean.

Sometimes I feel like I got a bad tattoo and I'm trying to hide it. Like in letters 10", or 254mm for you Blokes, on my chest that should say NORMAL is spelled AWFUL instead. So, I'm hittin' the showers. Ya'll have a better day.

Jar

 

[Sarg]

And what's "normal". I'm a risk taker. Hang gliders, motorcycles, ultralight aircraft. That's the way I keep the beast in check as much as can. My therapist and I had this convo and she told most people that spoke about death, wanted to go in their sleep. "Not me", I said, I want to slide sideways into that ditch of death at 85 mpg, yellin' "what a ride"!.

What I'm trying to say in a very round about way is there is no normal for us. We make the rules. We know what's best deep down. We learn what's right or wrong for us and we follow that path. All else is wasted energy and emotion.

You decide what's normal for you, Dan, don't let some fool like me tell you.

Sarg

 

[Chin Strapped]

Good analogy mate. I can always see awful, but want to see normal; I think society sees normal in me most of the time. I hide it well, but sometimes I'm Dying inside.

I am scared of not working. I have a young family, but I think I'm on my way to an eaEly grave at this rate. I've picked a busy profession.

So I deny the beast full authority and smoke weed to numb the pain. I've been smoking it randomly still, just nowhere near as much and not for the last month, so I'm a liar too a proper drug addict.

I spent a month truly clean and was done in by the end of it. I need prescription meds and I need to Stick to them. But then I have to truly admit the beast is here for life. I have not filled for any compensation, war pension whatever; stigma and fully accepting the beast getting in the way.

I spoke to a solicitor the other day, which ruined me physically and mentally, to see if they can help me as I'm never going to do it otherwise. I'm alive, I shouldn't claim, should I? The real answer is yes I should. I was involved in a huge f*ck up whilst training on tour, in my first week, then had to go to Sangin for a bit and that was f*cking mind games. But I'm alive, I should be grateful, I should now thrive.

I have a fantastic wife and two cracking kids, I should keep my chin up and get on with life; which can't be fully done without huge adaptations for the beast, and that means aaccepting the beast.

f*ck knows my fellow Vets. Looks like I go back to the doctor and back to the psych. I am currently owned by the beast. Numbness has ruined me.

I have quite a decent understanding of people, human development, loss, etc because I'm going to graduate next year as a social worker, the course has been difficult for me due to the subject matter, but perhaps a catalyst to my realisation of my ptsd right now. Some of you Nam guys have spent aalmost a lifetime of anger, anxiety, sleep dep....

I think I know what I have to do.

 

[Chin Strapped]

I want my normal to be helping people as a job and living in the middle of f*cking nowhere, with a shotgun, and a garden to play in with the kids.

Oh and to feel like they are mine, truly. I have a big bag of weed I've Wasted cash on, to mask my symptoms. I'll be watching a shit film and entering a coma later. What a prick.

 

[Sarg]

And it ate a big hole in a lot of us. The numbness we talk about. The beast has been trapped in there and he's been cutting a slicing away for decades. One of the best and the worst has happened with my current therapist. She sliced me from gullet to giblet and let the beast out. Holy Shit! I had to face some of the nastiest crap that had been festering inside of me for all those years. I had to find new ways to deal with the beast.

But, she didn't leave me hanging, she pointed me in a direction and said "go!". My crayon would go outside the line and she would nudge it back.

I'm on a completely different highway these days. I make forays out into the "world". Force myself to move when I don't want to. (I'm pushing past arthritic pain these days, which actually gets my mind off the beast some).

Dan, you're a young man with a wonderful family and a great career ahead of you. Stop reading the fine print so much.

Sarg

 

[Chin Strapped]

I need some medication and to listen to your advice. Be nice to hear that from the people who are paid to talk to me, in the NHS.

 

[Spock]

I am f*cked, I should be out visiting clients (adult social work tyep shit), but I've found a quiet road and I'm sat here angry with myself.
Thought I hit a real turning point. Feel like shit. No meds is great until today. Feel like my psych wants me gone too. What is going on.

...Dan, you're a young man with a wonderful family and a great career ahead of you. Stop reading the fine print so much.

Sarg

Reading your first post I was gonna suggest something along the same lines as Sarg, it was from my pysch doc after I had some similar bitches, he said:

"You need to get out of your head and start moving out."

Relates to the consistent advice around here of taking baby steps forward, distracting ourselves from dwelling on out thoughts and keep moving...yeah, it is easier said than done. I'm in the same frame of mind, getting away and focusing on my family and helping people.

 

[combatgoldfish]

I request other doctor's if I feel like I'm being fed bs.

I feel like the best way to fight it is to stay busy. Hit the gym if you can, go camping if you can. Anything to expel energy and get out of your head.


I had my own issues today. Still having issues with my girlfriend's ex who always gives back her daughter sick, random bruises, or she comes back fussy and disliking men. Tonight makes the 3rd time this month we've had to take her to the doctor. Twice to the clinic and now to the ER.

Of course, I get the call while at the gym an it happens to be rush hour. Some guy attempts to cut me off and I wouldn't budge. So, he proceeds to scream at me while we drive down the street. First time I've reached for my pistol in a long time. I put it on my lap patiently waiting for any trouble. Thankfully PTSD didn't get the best of me this time. This is another reason I don't drive in rush hour traffic.

 

[Spock]

...This is another reason I don't drive in rush hour traffic.

I avoid rush hour like the plague!!! :mad::eek::devil:

 

[Chin Strapped]

It's a new day. I'll be making an appointment with my GP today and remembering to go easy on the fine print from now.

With reference to your issue with your GF's daughter. What you have told so far just sounds like neglect. I say sounds like. Bruises are common in kids obviously, but if they are in random places and frequently could mean 2 things; 1, he's doing to her or 2 and more likely, he's neglecting her and she's having more accidents. This May coincide with be fussy upon return and generally not liking men.

I wouldn't want to jump to conclusions, but if that was my kid, I'd be speaking to social services again, informing them of my findings and that she won't be spending unsupervised time with him until I think things improve.

Neglect can quickly turn into assault. You're clearly not happy with what you're seeing.

Some people have no idea what it takes to raise a child.