What This Forum Means To Me

[JohnnyM53]

I started going into a slump three weeks ago.

When I do, I tend to isolate myself, try and figure out the answer to the puzzle, or wait for something to change how I feel.

What usually works for me is connecting with someone and I have a few friends who tend to be able to do that.

But I didn't feel like calling. I just wanted some place to go to at night where I could talk, or not talk, and just be with others who could relate to my journey, and vice versa.

So I started checking out chat rooms on Yahoo. I was overwhelmed by messages popping up and all they wanted to talk about was sex. Now I ain't dead yet (lol), but I'm not into that kind of thing. So I left.

I eventually found a Yahoo room for people suffering from depression. Guess what they were all talking about? You got it - sex! It disgusted me that some people went into a room for people suffering from depression just to get their kicks.

So I did a search for chat rooms on PTSD and found the Forum. I chatted a few days with some people, but I was still feeling down. Then one day, I was chatting with someone, just everyday stuff, and I felt a connection with another human, and I realized that reconnecting with people was my answer.

Since then, I have chatted with many, made a few posts, made a few friends, and my spirits are up.

Although I know many in my city who suffer from a mood disorder, many of which I'm friends with, many of them can't relate to experiencing traumas and abuse.

Bad enough to feel depressed, but when you're criticized throughout your childhood, the negative beliefs you have about yourself makes the depression that harder to bear and overcome because you tend to be convinced that you are worthless.

To me, the most important thing is to be able to share my time, thoughts, my experiences, etc., with others who understand the impact traumas and abuse have on us, and help one another.

And this Forum allows me to do just that.

So I would like to thank Anthony and Nicolette, and all of you who work so hard to keep this website going. It's a very important, safe place for us to come to and share a common bond on this difficult journey we call recovery.

JohnnyM53

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Johnny -

I agree 100% and I think it's very nice of you to bring it up. I also have the ability to feel unsafe very easily and I have always been very impressed by the fact that in this forum - nonsense is not tolerated, I've never had a PM or response that I felt was "unappropriate" and I love the fact that you can get REAL advice.

I can't imagine how difficult it is to keep things running as smoothly and as safely as they do -so my hats off to everyone working "behind the scenes".

 

[JohnnyM53]

Thanks SunnyBrookFarm,

Very nice of you to say that. Glad to hear you are also finding the Forum very helpful.

 

[Manic11]

Agreed!

Of course Anthony and Nicolette work their butts off on this forum and that means so much! But also, this forum wouldn't be what it is without the members! So hurray to all of us!

Peace and Hope
Manic

 

[Dylan]

Hi Johnny' -

Thanks for your post...I needed to be reminded: "...and I realized that reconnecting with people was my answer".

My natural inclination is often to 'hunker down' and withdraw...I'm grateful for the reminder that even when I feel like I want to isolate, it may not be what I need.

Thanks again,
Dylan

 

[ISupportHer]

I, too, as a carer, tried other things, other places. Nothing really clicked before. Most likely, in part, because I was not ready to receive what I needed to hear. Partly that other places don't quite have the same "feel" of support.

Really? I feel at home here. I have deleloped some friendships here that I hope will be life long.

Glad you feel as you do Johnny.

ISH

 

[JohnnyM53]

Yup, I do ISH, and you're one of the wonderful people I have met on here!

Ya, if feels like an on-line home.

 

[pandora]

I agree 100% with you..I have been a member for almost 3 years..unbeleivable!!! I could NOT have made it through life and to the point that I am today (actually living and survivng with this illness in a healthy way) if not for this forum and the members. Welcome and I hope you get as much out of this as I have!!!

 

[JohnnyM53]

Thanks Pandora,

I'm finding that I can relate better to people on here than any other type of support group. I've made many contacts and friends so I'm already getting much out of this and trying to give back too.

 

[anni]

I just wished to say I agree hugely. It's the only place I feel at all safe 'talking' to anyone, and where it takes the least amount of effort. Today I'm forcing myself to look at posts. It's just one of those days when something, I have no idea what, triggered anxiety, guilt, self-dislike and fear. Being here, at least I've connected. Thank you for the grateful post. It reminds me to be grateful.

 

[JohnnyM53]

Well it's December 1 tomorrow, which means I have been on the Forum for almost two solid months so I thought I'd revive this thread for newcomers, to allow others and me to do an update.

I continue to heal thanks to this Forum. Although I have an awesome family (bro, sis, nieces, great nieces, etc), it feels like home here. A place I've been looking for, for a long time now.

Being able to relate to others, to put my experiences in perspective to others, to be able to share my history, thoughts, opinions, and bad jokes (lol), or to bring a word of kindness, support, compassion or advice to someone who is suffering like I use to, feels good, and brings meaning to my sufferings.

I feel it wasn't all for nothing and has brought me closer to people in and out of the Forum.

Special thanks to all who read, laugh at/with and/or contribute to my Dr. Doppemhiyer thread. It's been fun and let's hope that he and Nurse Ratchet fall in love before they both give us PTSD!! lol

And finally, to those who you wondering if you can or ever will get better, a word of hope from yours truly.

As a child, in my teens, 20s and 30s, I went through what I call emotional cancer. I can't do justice to the amount of stress, deep depressions, and states of utter despair I experienced using simple words. And much had to do with the question "can I really fix me", because I was hurting badly and it seems very lonely all my life, even when in a relationship.

Without exaggerating, had my family been able to understand the depth of my emotional pain many years ago, surely they would have asked the doctors to "end me".

But overcame I did! And I'm shiny and new! And the answer to success is not luck, education, the breaks, it's utilizing every possible resource, every ounce of courage you have to try and find to heal. Keep asking questions - you will find many answers as to why you felt or currently feel the way you do or did.

Seek answers; therapy; get rid of as much stress where possible; read self help books, don't give up on trying meds if you need them. It takes time to build anything. You are building your own house of peace and tranquility.

Forty years ago, my ratio of feeling bad to great was about 4% - today - it's 99% and stable!!!

A cure for PTSD may not ever exist, anymore than a cure for laughter will.

But it's not impossible to feel better and whole and manage your symptoms.

In the past, and for many reasons, people inflicted pain on each other because they wouldn' or couldn't overcome their personal problems.

We chose differently! To not repeat a cycle that results in years or a lifetime of pain.

So this is our Marathon of Hope fellow sufferers! March on head high and be proud of yourself for trying what many would not.

 

[bonnecanyon]

Johnny

I have to say that the humor you bring to this site has helped me immensely! I found myself laughing outloud a few days ago - hysterically! Wow - how long had it been since that happened in my life? Can't even remember.

The members here are absolutely amazing. Their diaries and stories are beyond belief at times, but the human spirit prevails.

I am so inspired everytime I come here - it's my new addiction!

Thank you
BC