Frankly, I don't think you're being selfish. Or if it's selfish, it's a pretty healthy kind of selfish. Who wants to be the victim of nasty outbursts? Who wants to walk on eggshells? Who wants to be in a relationship where they're not happy because they don't know when they'll have a partner who behaves in a kind and loving way or a partner who lashes out at them because of their own issues? No matter how much you love someone, that is bound to take a toll. It's healthy not to want a relationship like that.
I respect the decision not to take meds, but given his behaviour when he's off them, I would need to see that he was doing some seriously heavy lifting to compensate. I would need him to learn to manage his nasty outbursts and stop directing them at me.
Personally, I would find that lie really troubling. Basically, he set a boundary/established a commitment *all on his own* and then he didn't honour it. I would find that a little harder to take than my partner bailing on an agreement that we established together. Either one sucks because you're breaking a promise/commitment, but to go out of your way to establish that commitment, to tell me I can trust you to keep it, to break it, and then to lie about it - No. I don't deserve that and that kind of behaviour undermines the good faith and good will in a relationship. If you're not going to take your meds, tell me that but then make sure that the problematic behaviour is being taken care of.
I respect the decision not to take meds, but given his behaviour when he's off them, I would need to see that he was doing some seriously heavy lifting to compensate. I would need him to learn to manage his nasty outbursts and stop directing them at me.
Personally, I would find that lie really troubling. Basically, he set a boundary/established a commitment *all on his own* and then he didn't honour it. I would find that a little harder to take than my partner bailing on an agreement that we established together. Either one sucks because you're breaking a promise/commitment, but to go out of your way to establish that commitment, to tell me I can trust you to keep it, to break it, and then to lie about it - No. I don't deserve that and that kind of behaviour undermines the good faith and good will in a relationship. If you're not going to take your meds, tell me that but then make sure that the problematic behaviour is being taken care of.
