Poll What Traits Do You Gravitate Towards In Others?

[Barconian]

When it comes to power or so called prestige I think it can be very complex and entwined in peoples lives in ways that are not always obvious.

I think all ten answers can become complex and entwined in peoples lives!

 

[Bluerose]

I think we are drawn to certain people because we have something to learn from them and, once learned (sometimes the easy way and sometimes the hard way), we go our separate ways. It’s holding on long after we should have let go that makes life difficult.

 

[nursenurse]

My BFF thinks I am attracted to men with an edge. This last one was a double edged sword, the Ex husband, not. This is a timely thread, for me, I think if there was a contest for worst break up of the year, I would win, lol. It is good to be reflective, in the hopes to never making the same mistakes again.

What I think I like is typical - kind, great sense of humour, loyal, easy going. Smart.

What I went for in the most meaningful relationships - the first guy was charming, a great dancer, had that sense of humour, but was so easy going he would forget to come home at night sometimes. Had a criminal record which I didn't find out about until we had fallen for each other. Then I gave him a chance or three. When I ended up with stitches in my head, I kissed him goodbye, figuratively speaking, and went home to Ma with the kid, the dog, the cat and the chinchilla.

Then came hubby who was rock solid as far as the marriage went. Stable, initial sense of humour, we were in the same page when it came to the family in most areas, and with money. Anger became an issue as did emotional abuse, that ended after 21 years.

Post divorce fling, we had more in common than I did with the ex, he had a great sense of humour, was adventurous, raised dogs and birds, was a dance instructor, logical, but had deep seated anger from childhood abuse. He turned that anger verbally on me. Done.

The Dude was an Oscar contender. Honest, kind, loyal, non judgmental, trustworthy. What I ended up with was a lying, cheating junkie.

So. I still want the good qualities, just don't know if I will ever trust myself to believe in someone as a partner ever again. Four legged dogs are better than 2 legged ones, I think.

 

[Hashi]

Blue collar people are fun, but there can be risky situations and more drama than the socially conscientious, more affluent people.

Can you really generalise people as much as this?

Interesting thread. I wouldn't say I gravitate towards anyone but thinking about people I don't avoid I'd add a few qualities that aren't listed in the poll:

Decency
Wit
Expresses themselves creatively
Deep thinker
No drama
Considerate
Straightforward

I also have quite a few that probably come under stability. Calm, secure in themselves, balanced, reasonable, consistent. Stability seems to be a big deal for me. Not surprising, given that I was traumatised by unstable people and instability is a big problem for me myself now.

I'm not drawn to less appealing traits despite myself. My relationships have been messed up by the effects of trauma but the men would have been keepers. It's a shame I can't deal with a relationship, because I'm a good picker. :confused:

 

[The Albatross]

Yes I can, and do. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying that's how I am. It is a work hard, play hard thing. Have you never heard that "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." (Thomas Edison)?

 

[p-no]

Unfortunately... :(

 

[Stanley Shi-Yume]

What I chose above is a compound of 4 traits that collectively I see as warmth - kind, appreciative, vulnerable, and emotionally expressive. People that have these talents and use them also exercise being real and authentic.

I realize that I am also pinpointing these qualities due to a lack, not direct experience with them. Growing up with sociopathic, and emotionally neglectful people...

 

[nursenurse]

I think if someone possesses those traits, Stanley, you will have made at least a friend for life :)

 

[WillowMarie]

What I chose above is a compound of 4 traits that collectively I see as warmth - kind, appreciative, vulnerable, and emotionally expressive. People that have these talents and use them also exercise being real and authentic.

I agree with the warmth traits. I am attracted to that, too. And I do see the people that show vulnerability and emotional expressiveness as being real.

I think if someone possesses those traits, Stanley, you will have made at least a friend for life :)

I have found these traits in someone that was a best friend, but he also had a frustrated, stubborn side when we had arguments and shut down during these times, and wouldn't be open to others point of views. So even though he was kind, appreciated me and returned the favor, showed vulnerability, and had opened up to me emotionally about hurts, he also had that side that I knew I didn't want to keep around as a best friend. He proved he wasn't open to a healthier communication style. It really sucked to let that go because I haven't found too many people with those warmth traits and I felt really close to him because of it.

 

[nursenurse]

Then that person was lacking on some of those traits. It sucks to let go no matter what.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

STABILITY! No offense, but I simply cannot be friends in real life with anyone with PTSD. Been there, done that, it simply does not work. The only exception is my aunt, who has had PTSD since before I was born but didn't reveal her disorder until I came out about mine a few years ago.

I crave stability, rationality....well most things on the list except for power. Throw your power around and I will yawn. It means nothing to me.

 

[Barconian]

STABILITY! No offense, but I simply cannot be friends in real life with anyone with PTSD. Been there, done that, it simply does not work.

I can :)