Justmehere
Sponsor
I’ve failed a lot. I’m in my hometown after the sudden loss of my sometimes nightmarishly abusive and sometimes amazing father. I’m here with highly successful family.
In the midst of really complicated grief and somehow making it through every day, the reality that I am a failure, especially compared to others, is running away with me.
The amount of stupid around this is expected. While I was in a pile of tears at the mini funeral my mother said my father was sooooo proud of my brother. And yeah, he cared about you too (justmehere). She’s treated him as the golden child and me the piece of … our entire lives. Super expected remark.
She is grieving, we all are, she’ll never change… whatever…
Something else came up at dinner with others.
At the end
But like, he is super successful and I’m not. I also have this robust history of my mother just brutally treating me as super incapable, She does it even now. Most of it undeserved.
But at the end of the day, I have failed many ways. Mostly PTSD driven failures.
I’m a flood of self hate. I don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to re-frame this one.
My stress cult is overflowing and this thinning is making sucidkal thoughts rush in so I’m trying to shot it to something mroe useful.
In the midst of really complicated grief and somehow making it through every day, the reality that I am a failure, especially compared to others, is running away with me.
The amount of stupid around this is expected. While I was in a pile of tears at the mini funeral my mother said my father was sooooo proud of my brother. And yeah, he cared about you too (justmehere). She’s treated him as the golden child and me the piece of … our entire lives. Super expected remark.
She is grieving, we all are, she’ll never change… whatever…
Something else came up at dinner with others.
At the end
But like, he is super successful and I’m not. I also have this robust history of my mother just brutally treating me as super incapable, She does it even now. Most of it undeserved.
But at the end of the day, I have failed many ways. Mostly PTSD driven failures.
I’m a flood of self hate. I don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to re-frame this one.
My stress cult is overflowing and this thinning is making sucidkal thoughts rush in so I’m trying to shot it to something mroe useful.