It’s a coping mechansim… one of the healthier ones, in the short term. One of the unhealthier ones, on the long term. So when it snaps on? I’ve learned NOT to fight it, straight off, but recognize it as both a buffer AND a warning. A double/triple warning if I’m inclined to either slump into it, or break out too fast and reap stupid consequence.
When I’m at my best and I snap numb? I LEAN into it, for a couple/few days/weeks. Allow the process to take the brunt, and reap the rewards of doing so.
When I’m at my worst, I can slump -or spin myself out, by trying to break out before the shock is absorbed- for MONTHS, so it’s a doubly terrifying prospect.
Middling? Is a crap shoot. And a learning experience. As sometimes? I NEED to numb to stay high functioning. Other times, the numb is what kills my ability to function.
It’s like a knife. Butter bread, cut meat, cut someone, kill someone, unscrew something, open a letter. A tool. HOW I use that tool is what matters. To better my life, save my life, or f*ck up my life, DGAF it was handy. But only experience reeeeeeally defines the difference. Which also means? Sometimes I'm going to choose poorly. So next time I can choose better.
