When To Tell About Ptsd

[Gizzy]

Catlovers141 , Yes it is the fear that stops me from everything. Like you everything was taken from me in a horrible abusive way. I don't know how to get those feelings away when I meet someone.

 

[Catlovers141]

Update: I brought it up. We were talking about what we are looking for in relationships, and since sex is often part of that, it felt reasonable.
He took it well, and said he is okay being patient. So it's over and went well.
Unfortunately, this is making me panic. Usually, men will say something that bothers me and that's my reason to leave and not speak to them anymore. He's not doing that and it's scaring to not have an obvious reason to run away/escape route.
I'm feeling very torn between wanting to schedule a time to meet him since I think he's nice and we're compatible, and just never talking to him again because my panicky feelings are too strong. :(

 

[seedling]

Way to go! :D

Wait it out, let the feelings recede some before you take any action.
You don't need to go forward with meeting him any time soon. It's not either/or, it's at your own pace (just saying what you know already)
You have made an incredibly huge step, let yourself deal with what comes up, then move forward again.
I feel so encouraged that you were able to do this. It gives me hope for all human beings that these things can be accomplished.

Hang in there!

 

[Catlovers141]

Way to go! :D

Wait it out, let the feelings recede some before you take any action.
You don't need to...

Thank you for this. I think that is what I'll do. My first instinct after he sent that message was to give him my phone number (I'm planning to use an app that gives you a second phone number that can be easily deleted if needed), because I thought this was a very good sign. But now I'm all panicky and can't think straight. Probably best to wait a bit either way. I wish things didn't feel so hard. This should be a good thing, not something that causes fear.

 

[seedling]

I wish things didn't feel so hard

Yeah!

This should be a good thing, not something that causes fear.

I understand where you are coming from.
Try to remember that the fear was caused a long time ago and is clinging to the present. You can do something to lessen that and come to enjoy the present for what it is.

You are doing so well! It seems like you are going about this very methodically and rationally ( as my therapist once said: "it's all about behavior, behavior, behavior" - you are choosing to act rationally even though you don't feel that way).

 

[Deleted member 33287]

I am in the shoes of someone told me they were raped have PTSD and turned on me/ pushed me away.

Don't panic because he doesn't deserve that. If you see therapy invite him to a session. If not have him call some hotline to get info from.

 

[Catlovers141]

I am in the shoes of someone told me they were raped have PTSD and turned on me/ pushed me away....

I know, that's why I feel so bad. I've never been in this situation before. He reacted well so if anything he deserves more from me, not less.

 

[EveHarrington]

Joint therapy is something you should hold out on IMHO. Therapy is your safe place and unless you're 100% sure that you can handle this guy in your safe place------saying potentially intrusive things and all------I'd not invite him to therapy sessions.

@Statsattack please understand that the fear isn't about the other person. It's about the past. It's not about the other person not deserving the fear.

 

[Catlovers141]

Against what I still feel was my better judgment, I ran. I deleted my account and I feel horrible about it on so many levels but I couldn't take the panic. For what it's worth, that's the longest I've ever talked to a guy where things could have turned into a dating relationship.
I feel terrible. For the first time, things were actually going ok. There's not a single thing he did that I didn't like. If this is what happens when things feel perfect, how could I possibly handle things when they go even slightly wrong? And of course the poor guy I was talking to deserves better than what I gave him.
I don't know how you all (those who have experienced sexual abuse, especially as children), are able to go on and have relationships and get married. I feel so inadequate. I know some people are okay being single all their lives but I don't feel like I can really make that choice until I truly experience other options. I'm 25 years old. Many of my peers are getting married and for me talking to a guy for three days is a miracle. I've never met even another survivor who is quite this bad at relationships. It breaks my heart because I seemed compatible with this person and really liked him, and I also think that if it weren't for all of my panicking and other survivor issues, I would make a good partner.
I've been crying off and on for about 14 hours now. I feel so angry and disappointed, both with myself and the person who abused me. His life has been unaffected and I can't even begin to enjoy something that brings so many people such joy and fulfillment. And if I even try to move forward with this, I end up hurting innocent people. All around, it's just not fair and I don't want to try anymore if it's just going to lead to pain for myself and others.

 

[Thizette]

Against what I still feel was my better judgment, I ran. I deleted my account and I feel horrible...

Allow yourself some hope on this matter. Even though you ran, you disclosed something deeply personal and terrifying to a potential partner. That is a hard and scary thing to do. And even though it might not feel like progress right now, you made progress in getting as far as you did. Be gentle with yourself.

 

[GWhizz]

This is the first time you've ever done this! So pace yourself. Stop beating yourself up. Can you give yourself a few days and if it feels right, reactivate your account and try reconnecting? This is PTSD unfortunately. Do you have a T to help support you thru this? It takes time. I never believed I'd find a man I could be comfortable with, let alone have a relationship. Yet here I am 2 kids later...! Was it easy? No. It's still hard. And I didn't tell him about the abuse until after our first child was born. He said he suspected it all along. I was surprised he hadn't run. But there are real genuine people out there. Just give yourself time to experiment with and explore how you feel with each new experience. It's anxiety provoking for sure. But you already took a massive step. It always takes me several days to recover from even disclosing the smallest thing to my T. The fallout and the panic is almost unbearable at times. But as you said, your abuser gets to live normally. Not only do potential relationships deserve better. You deserve what you're beginning to want in life. It's a constant battle not to sabotage that for yourself, I truly get that. Remember it's that overwhelming fear taking hold, it's not you. When one Avenue doesn't work for you, you need to find a route that you can take.

 

[Catlovers141]

Thank you. This is a horrible feeling. I thought that if someone responded well, I would be okay. I so want to try this, but it's so frightening and I'm afraid if I try again (with him or someone else), I'll run again. So I don't plan to reactivate my profile. It makes me sad.