Poll Who Do You Let Close?

[who am i kim]

Husband and my children, T and P doc.

 

[Lucycat]

What does 'get close' mean?

I put 'nobody' as I have a huge protective shield around me. However I still sleep in the same bed as my husband so we have a physical closeness. I also mostly have a degree of closeness with T, but it is so variable. Mood dependent - ask me again tomorrow!

 

[Britt.f7]

I put family, established friends, and my spouse, but I would have to say only some family...not all.

 

[twopenny]

My husband, a small handful of close friends. I have no family of my own any more. Well, I have a mother somewhere, but not seen her in years.

I definitely have trust issues - I trust hardly anybody. Everybody could turn on you in an instant, even if you've known them for decades. So generally I keep them at arm's [arms?] length. I've just got very good over the years at doing this - I'd be willing to bet that none of the people I do keep at a distance actually realise I'm doing it.

I don't generally hide the fact that I have problems - I never have, and I don't hide the reasons behind them. I'm also quite good at small talk (though I loathe it, and it makes me feel uncomfortable, I can natter away about nonsense for ages), so I appear to be quite open, and trusting and accepting of people. In reality I trust hardly anybody. I can probably count on one hand the people I do trust.

I'm still waiting for therapy (and I seem to be confusing the NHS), but I have a history of not letting therapists in. And rationalising myself out of help. I think I may be starting to trust the GP keeping an eye on me at the moment, which is a start at least.

But as to isolation - if I'm in the right mood, I'll push everybody away, even the people I trust the most, and even if I know I'm doing it.

 

[nomedic1]

My daughters, nobody else

 

[KrispyKreme]

I said I let my family but its not all my family members only some. It takes me a while to let anyone get to close.

 

[Lina007]

They have to earn through consistently honorable behavior.

 

[jocko]

My case manager more and more now. Its great to see more of the person underneath the title, I think shes a beautiful lady & a great help. Otherwise I have friends online I quasi-connect to, as much as you can online I mean. Its frustrating that its not in person, I often feel very close to them because of our similar issues & struggles. I tried to get close to my dad the other day too when he dropped me off to my DBT group. Ive never spoken to him in other than polite distant terms, more like acquaintances than dad & son. To open up and tell him just how much of a struggle life has been and just how crushed & hopeless I feel, the mental problems I was having way back in elementary school even because of his absence was all new. It felt good to get it out. I've never been that real with him & he seems more and more like a big kid to me now. I'm glad I said to him people who don't know themselves shouldn't be having kids. Too bad my mom's not around to do the same thing with. I'd probably have even more words for her, alot angrier bitter ones.

 

[Deleted member 25333]

My best friend, always. She practically knows everything about me. She the only person I managed to tell bits of my PTSD to and the only reason why I haven't given her the complete picture yet is because I'm afraid she'll be confronted by "something" the way I was confronted.

 

[Vulnera_Sanentur]

I don't trust anyone except my therapist (because I know they can't tell and I've been seeing a therapist since I was a child) and my boyfriend. The only reason I let my boyfriend in is he went through similar things to me, and has the same disorders I do. I know he understands. IRL, everyone else can go to hell. On the internet, I have my anonymity, so I am here and not here. I can put information out there without having to trust anyone.

 

[DharmaGirl]

I put no one, then I put my therapist. I still don't trust my friend of 7 years all the way and that is a shame. She does not know the depth of my trauma. My T knows more than anyone about me, but I don't trust him yet. I have little notecards in my room that say, "you can trust him". That's pretty sad, that I don't let people close.

 

[Hope4Now]

I put my therapist and nobody. I'm still working on full trust of my therapist. But the therapy relationship is different from other relationships because I don't really feel close to someone unless they are deeply sharing of themselves too--and that's not something that happens in therapy. I put "nobody" because I don't feel completely trusting of anyone. My husband probably knows the most about me, but we've been together 24 years and there are many parts of myself I can't bring myself to share with him. I have many "social" friends, but zero deep friends.

Over my lifetime, I have usually had one person I felt close-ish to, but they've all eventually disappeared out of my life. It makes me sad. I don't think it's my fault, really--I think they just had their own chaotic lives to deal with. There is one newish person in my life, and we are making little steps toward taking our friendship from social to deep. It's complicated, though, because he is a married guy and there are all sorts of weird energies around a married woman and a married guy spending time together.