Whom Are You Fooling?

[Rani G2]

People,

i was wondering if someone is able to relate with this?


I tend to see behind many small achievments I make, a selfdeluding intention. Like, I had a conflict in the workplace, that I dealt with objectively in a better way than I did before then a voice asks me“ Did you really, or are you fooling yourself?“.This suspicion is creeping in my mind questioning it and seems to be very true at times. Reality seems to give me indications that it is true. What reality I ask?But its very hard to not undergo that.

Its a selective way to perceive? Whatever the Thinker thinks, the Prover proves? Thats when I feel very weak, falling apart into pieces.

Its hard to reflect on that.

Can anyone advice me on this?

Shankara

 

[pixel]

I'm sorry, what exactly is your question? :shy:

 

[Richie]

if I am understanding you correctly, it sounds like your sense of morality is questioning your own motives and actions.

if more people did this then life would be so much more pleasant. Why do you see this as a negative trait?

 

[SeekingAfrica]

I have experienced this. I actually just talked to my T about it.

I sometimes drive myself crazy with this questioning. Like in work for example. I work for myself, so everything relies on me.

And let's say I want to sell products online. I have in the past, with relatively small effort sold some. I have spend few years doing research on other people selling similar products and how they have succeeded. I have works on my skills in creating the products. I have done research on what promotion will give me the best chance. I can even see how to improve my own work.

I have people telling me I'm creative or they like the item they got from me. I have people being surprized I know how to make that.

Yet, in my head, I start to be like: What do you think you know? You did all this reasearch, but you haven't really applied it yet, do you think that qualifies you to really know? I'm sure everyone can make the same things, can't they(even though I've been told that's not true)? So who would buy it, what do you think you really know? Aren't you deluding yourself....

And so on...And no research can convince me the opposite. In my bad moments. I think it's because since my PTSD began I don't trust myself.
I can't tell you how to get over that if that's the issue with you...

But my T suggested trying to overrule this voice in me with positive statements and over time change it. She thinks it's more the voice of how I felt when my trauma was created, not who I am currently.

So like, to start telling myself things like: I know this just needs hard work and dedication. I have been told I'm a creative person. I have had sales before. I have learned even more since than. It might take a little time, but I know I can do this.

My be try to overrule that doubt in yourself as well? Keep reminding yourself: oh, yes, I did handle this better. Last time I did this, and this time I did that, and I know that's better...

 

[shimmerz]

Why do you see this as a negative trait?

To me it would be negative because it is a circular thing in the head that can't be resolved (I did good - no you didn't) and takes on an inner critic component.

It is a good way of maintaining a freeze trauma reaction and that is never a good thing.

A couple of questions.
1. Do you recognize this inner voice as having qualities of it's own? in other words, if it were to say something else, would you recognize it as coming from the same aspect of yourself?
2. Does it always challenge your accomplishments?
3. When did it start? Meaning, are you maybe working on a trauma component that has brought it forward?
4. Can you, or have you ever tried to reason with it?
5. If you were to capitalize either of these statements (meaning it is more forceful, which would it be?
(I did good - no you didn't)

Just thinking out loud.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

if I am understanding you correctly, it sounds like your sense of morality is questioning your own motiv...

It's not neccassarily negative. It's good for people to question, to strive to be better. But it can be a bad thing if you overdo it.

It can stop you from doing things, because you question things to a point where nothing logical or illogical can convince you that you are able to do it.
It can make you over-question everything to a point where you keep going back and forth in indecision.
It can make you very negative and unbelieving in things that you have no need to even question.

I kind of get this. I was always the most positive person in my group until my trauma happened. And since then I always question my judgement. I am "me" in the good moments, and in the bad, I become overly sensitive, overly negative, overly questioning, doubting everything and overwhelming myself constantly. And generally become really judgemental and mean towards myself.

So in my case it's definitely not a good thing.

I was always inquisitive in nature and it worked in my favor. But just as anything else, trauma has made me oversensitive and blown that feeling and need to a whole other really unhealthy level. So I'm working to tone it down right now.

 

[Rani G2]

@pixel,

my question is: Anyone experiencing, constant questioning one's own actions and intentions? Thanks for asking Pixel.

@Richie

Why do you see this as a negative trait?

The thing is, there is mistrust coming with it which is negative I guess. Logically this happens to be a pattern I created because I was criticised massively as a child.

Thanks Richie!

My be try to overrule that doubt in yourself as well? Keep reminding yourself: oh, yes, I did handle this better. Last time I did this, and this time I did that, and I know that's better...

It makes sense SeekingAfrica. Even that is a habit of mind, it can be transformed into another form.

Thanks for remembering!

Hey Shimmerz,

good questions there, have to think about those. A little selfinvestigationing.

Thanks.

 

[Richie]

I cant relate trauma to this but I do question some things even the course that I am doing and the path that I have chosen. Am I really studying psychology to help people or am i doing it to enhance my own self worth? I know someone who is doing the same studies as I am and she questions her own motives too. I told her that what she is doing is a good thing and there is nothing wrong with taking some self worth at the same time.
I have even raised the philosophical question of whether or not there is such a thing as a selfless good deed!

I dont know if this is helpful but perhaps something to think about?

 

[Gs172003]

Mine just fusses at me all the time

 

[Rani G2]

@Richie

i question the altruism thing, the very core of it?

The urge to understand social and historical contexts can be seen in a neutral way. It can be seen as a needing to understand our own self which seems to be inherent in all human beings. I dont necessarily have to paste the label selfworth-enhancement, if that question persists all the time I probably need to dig deeper. If people need academic achievements or an higher social status to feel safe (Maybe not the right word) I cant blame them. Even those who need those have their good reasons. Some might say, that their intention makes the result questionable. So, you maybe right when it comes to is there any pure selfless act?

All I know is that the questioning itself causes me pain in a way.

 

[Deleted member 541]

@Shankara I believe it's the nasty "inner critic" that many of us have. That voice that tells us we're no good, that everything we do is bad, we're evil, blah, blah. For me, it was tied directly to some of my traumas, which in turn destroyed my self esteem.

The deeper I got into dealing with the trauma and how it affected my self esteem, the better things became.

 

[Rani G2]

The deeper I got into dealing with the trauma and how it affected my self esteem, the better things became

Thanks SheCat

good to read, that you have made progress. The inner critic is definitely very strong, well embeded in our system.

Changing those core beliefs is hard work I guess.

Thanks.