Why Am I To Blame?

[Amberstar11]

Lately me and my boyfriend of 2.5 years have been having difficulties. He suffers from PTSD, Depression and Anxiety. He has been blaming me for everything and says it's his ptsd and that I do nothing to help. He was prescribed medication back in March and he ended up throwing them down the garbage disposal. I have bent over backwards trying to help him, trying to do everything around the house to help him be more stress free. We both are in the military, we have both deployed. Is there something I'm not understanding? Is it wrong of me to tell him I don't feel any sympathy anymore? I'm just tired of him refusing the help he can get and just using his ptsd as an excuse for darn near everything.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

Hi Amberstar11,

First of all, I am sure you are not the one to blame for your boyfriends problems. Having PTSD doesn't give us the right to treat other people like crap.

Can you perhaps give an example of a situation where he blames you for things or where he uses his PTSD as an excuse? And has he told you why he refuses to get help? I'm asking just so that I can understand the situation a bit better.

 

[EveHarrington]

He takes zero responsibility for healing and then blames everyone else for not jumping through hoops to make his PTSD better?

Yep, that sounds like an effective course of action.

I think he is the one who needs to understand that he needs to get off his rump and start working toward healing. Taking pills isn't going to do it. Meds make therapy easier but don't cure underlying issues.

It sounds like you're at a breaking point. If he doesn't change, can you live like this? He may not change (and only get worse) if he doesn't work on healing.

<Move from victim mode to proactive healing mode------>

The only things you can really do are set strong boundaries------don't allow bad behavior. Encourage him to seek out treatment. Stop doing everything for him and bending over backwards. I think there's a line between being understanding toward PTSD and jumping through unnecessary hoops just so the other person doesn't get upset.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Is it wrong of me to tell him I don't feel any sympathy anymore?

Wrong? No. As a sufferer, I can understand that PTSD causing things that hard or impossible for a supporter to understand.

 

[Friday]

Easy target + shit rolls downhill.

This may also help
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.83659/

 

[Ronin]

PTSD is not an excuse to be irresponsible and/or abusive.

So he better knocks it off sooner than later.
You're not to blame.

 

[seedling]

At this point it may be easier for him to believe that if you (or everyone else) just quit doing XYZ toward him the stress would end and he would be able to cope with life. Even if his life was some kind of paradise and everything was as easy as possible, he would still be stuck with the same kind of feelings because it's coming from inside of him.

Set the boundaries you want in the relationship and stick to them. If he can't deal with that then it may be time to move on. It's your choice either way.

 

[Thizette]

It's important to set boundaries. And it's ok to say get therapy or I'm leaving--but if you say it, you have to mean it and you have to do it. PTSD is not an excuse. Sometimes I treat people like shit because I am having a PTSD moment, and it's not ok, and it's never their fault. And when sufferers treat people like shit because of their mental illness, they need to apologize for it and seek healing so it doesn't happen again.