Why Are People (including Myself) So Drawn...

[Justmehere]

... to respond to the thread by the poster about the holiday card?

This isn't a judgement or a statement about any one person. I'm just baffled a bit as to why myself and others have responded as much as we have to that one poster while not as much to other more serious threads by people who are more responsive?

It makes me wonder about me.

Any thoughts?

I was going to ask this question on that thread, but I felt it would pull it off topic. I felt like I needed a separate place to discuss my reaction. I feel so mixed. I wonder what is going on with the poster, see her demonstrate a total lack of insight, and never has really asked anyone any questions or for feedback, and yet still myself and other responded and kept responding. I wonder what it is in me that pulled me to respond to her and not more to others.

Struggling to come up with words.

Is it because the situation seems so much easier than many threads on the forum? Is it because it seems so much less bad than other topics? What is it?

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

People like drama.

And I'm not saying that in judgement. It's just human nature IMHO.

 

[illusionist]

I questioned myself as well.....I defend those I see as innocent. Seeing the reason why, so my thinking is just as wrong that I feel the need to act on it.

 

[scout86]

Interesting question! I've been wondering the same thing.

You keep banging your head on the wall because it feels so good when you stop?
Because sometimes it's so impossible to believe the "response" you're getting that you just can't quit trying?
There might even be an element of "If I keep trying, I KNOW I'll get it 'right' and make everything better!"

I wish I thought all that stuff was made up and just someone messing with us. I don't, though. Somehow, I'm afraid the situation really IS exactly what it appears to be.

 

[digger]

Is it because the situation seems so much easier than many threads on the forum? Is it because it seems so much less bad than other topics? What is it?

I don't know. I got annoyed at myself earlier for the same thing. I think partly It is because the answers do seem so obvious, whether the OP wants to take them on board or not. In other cases, things are not so straightforward and it is not always so easy to find appropriate responses?

Or perhaps frustration plays a part too? It presses buttons.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

I do have my thoughts and opinion's on the matter but feel it best I remain tight lipped on the subject.

 

[StellaBlue]

I have not responded to either of that poster's threads, but have been very very tempted to do so. I think it's the same urge I have to continue in endless circular arguments with my ex, when I know nothing I say will change her mind, her opinion or her abuse. But still, I want to try. It has helped me immensely to be able to step back before I interact and try to determine what my goal is in engaging. A lot of times now I can recognize that the most effective thing I can do is not engage, to radically accept and let it float away.

ETA: I succumbed to the urge. I apologize.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I think the situation is (in a way) easier than other threads in the forum, which are sometimes heavily emotional and loaded because of their nature. Also sincerely a lot of people were having some kind of fun in that thread. That's how people deal with things that are getting blown out of proportion. They poke fun at it, put a needle in that balloon and get it to deflate again.

 

[Justmehere]

I'm so glad I'm not alone in wondering about what is going on.

Part of me wondered if I was jealous of what I assumed her life circumstances to be - and then I quickly realized the posters insight was so low and that there are so many factors I don't know about, and just that I would be so judgemental. Then then I felt really bad about my possible moment of jealously and the anger that can come with that. I admit that and own that.

It is a thread full of drama, and the type of drama that is easy to have a strong opinion about. It is easy to express an opinion about it, even when all the data shows it doesn't make much difference to express that opinion. But I still engaged. So did so many of us.

Other topics around here are typically more serious but perhaps more areas of grey.

Maybe they also pull on wounds and trauma of our own that are too hard to talk about as much as the topics in that thread.

There has been an air of almost wondering if the thread was a joke. I don't think it is, but I have wondered like others it it was real. That pulled on something else in me.

Then there is a curiosity factor for me, almost like looking at a traffic accident. Ugh. I hate admitting this ugly side to me.

I also think there is something to the posters lack of contingent communication, lack of actually engaging people and responding to the content of what they said her her that pulled on something for me, pulled on my anger about family members who engage in non-contingent communication. Who dramatically wound up about smaller things and then ignore the big topics and fail to really communicate with anyone.

The helplessness is something too. We are such a pro-active community, it was surprising to see such good support from so many be responded to and yet not really be responded to.

I also will admit I feel slightly protective of the poster. Does this make me foolish? I know I can't do anything to protect her and it's not my role at all. I'm just noticing that in myself, I started to feel protective. I started to laugh about the thread and then I realized here is such a large group of people who are almost beginning to make fun of her and whoa... that's not good. This community is such a high class group of really non-judgemental supportive people who are willing to communicate hard thjngs, frank feedback but generally without being mean. I don't think anyone has been mean towards the poster. I'm simply saying that there is a lot of energy in the thread, and it made me pause. I'm a part of it.

When I saw even myself start to giggle, and get mad... it caused me to step back and look at what's happening and figure out what is going on with the dynamic, with people as a group, and with myself.

Maybe for me, it was the helplessness and lack of contingent communication that triggered me. Not sure.

Maybe I'm being stupid or foolish or... ugh, why am I now beating myself up? :(

Trying to understand better because I have seen this dynamic happen before, these things in me get stirred up before, not here, but offline.

ETA: I feel a bit stupid and vulnerable about admitting all of this. I am so baffled how I felt so compelled to respond and all these conflicting emotions and seeing such a large response by so many others too.

 

[Justmehere]

when I know nothing I say will change her mind, her opinion or her abuse. But still, I want to try.

I can really identify with this.

A lot of times now I can recognize that the most effective thing I can do is not engage, to radically accept and let it float away.

This is so very smart! So wise.

ETA: You are not alone in your decision to respond anyhow! :)

 

[scout86]

it's the same urge I have to continue in endless circular arguments with my ex,

She actually SOUNDS a little like my ex. (Who, incidentally, gave some of the best gifts ever. Which says something about something.)

I've thought about this some more. I suspect there were as many motives as replies. I DO think, for me, I tend to be drawn to problems I KNOW I can't fix, but then I'm determined to try anyway. I'm not entirely sure of the reason yet. Maybe after more therapy? What I am sure about it that "not knowing when to quit" is a bit of an issue for me, in an assortment of ways.

There's a thread that got posted right before this one that's similar, but she sounds serious, and isn't getting the attention. There IS some kind of difference here. It's real, but I'm not at all sure what it is.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

My only question now is whether any answers to any of my questions will actually gain a reasonable reply, I doubt hence my last word on that was *ignore*