Hi Racha,
I will gladly explain further for you, though I will first post the entire two paragraphs that this statement is pulled from for a full picture, though I do concur it still states the same thing at the end... ongoing trauma therapy is destructive.
Anthony said:
Think about this forum like therapy. You get people who say they have been in therapy for five years, ten years, etc...that is destructive on its own. Relying upon something else for ongoing support constantly is destructive in nature, because you're not willing to work issues out for yourself; instead, you are constantly looking for advice from a third party. Trauma therapy is a short process overall, being around six to twelve months, absolute maximum. Those who reside in therapy longer than that aren't willing to work on their issues, they just want someone else to try and solve their life.
This is why I completely discourage any person doing here what they do with therapy, hanging around. To get better, to heal trauma, to regain life skills, you need to be walking life and making mistakes, not hanging around constantly looking for third party validation. It's not healthy. I still hear from members who started here years ago and took this advice and left, and they are now much better off for it as they forced themselves to use the knowledge they have learnt here and implement this within their life, not just run to a support mechanism looking for answers or someone to solve their issue.
All of my experiences, talks with medical professionals, and reading has certainly indicated otherwise. Trauma recovery is a unique process for each person. I have been in therapy for about the last four years, and I certainly do not think it is because I am not willing to work on my issues or want someone else to solve my life. Quite to the contrary, actually. It took me about two years to fully accept that the sexual abuse was not my fault.
Racha, therapy is a double edged sword. You get out of it what you put into it, yet you also only get out of it what the therapist puts into it. Not all therapists are created equally. Four years is far to long for trauma therapy. If you are telling me that for the entire four years you have been doing nothing more than working on trauma therapy with you therapist, then I am going to tell you that someone is falling down, you or the therapist. It does not take four years to work on trauma. If you are going for emotional support, that is different for trauma work itself. Trauma therapy is a cut and dry issue, were it takes a defined period of absolute honesty to work out all traumatic instances. You then cut your tie with the therapist and now put into action what they have taught you. By not cutting that tie and actually doing the work yourself, you become reliant on a weekly, fortnightly, monthly visit to someone else for validation, etc. Its not healthy.
What you mentioned about other trauma specialist stating that each persons recovery is unique and individual... yes, absolutely agree with you and them. It is an individual basis, but the facts still remain with trauma therapy itself. If you are discussing your trauma for four years, then you are doing more damage than good. You can only be taught so much in therapy before it would then become repetitive. If a therapist is repeating things to you, then you are not working as you should be on yourself, because they are having to tell you over and over the same things... it would then be you that is breaking down the process. If they are not telling you the truth, and sugar coating things to make you feel warm and fuzzy, then they are hindering the process and should be sacked immediately.
You don't go to trauma therapy to feel warm and fuzzy or come out feeling good. You should only ever come out drastically worse than when you went in with trauma therapy. If you are going for other reasons, then that is not trauma therapy. You don't go to trauma therapy for recovery. You might go to the same therapist for discussion or recovery, but that is not trauma therapy.
You mentioned about it taking you two years to realise that the abuse was not your fault. Well... you would have discovered that without therapy also... because that is a belief, not something you can be taught. If a therapist presented you all the facts on abuse in one session, then how long it takes you to process and accept those facts is entirely up to you, and nothing they say or do is now going to change you. Only you are going to change you, not therapy.
How long trauma takes you to process is unique, but that does not encompass how long trauma therapy duration is. Again, this is where the rest of the paragraphs come into play about being forced, or forcing yourself, to stop relying on someone else to solve your problem or think they can do the work for you, and instead cutting ties with the information / education / support source and begin putting into action what you have learnt. It is from action, experience and time that we gain the necessary insight and skills to further ourselves, and not from someone telling us over and over again. You can be told 100 times that it isn't your fault, but until you choose to accept the fact that it isn't your fault, then no matter what anyone tells you... you will believe it is your fault regardless how long you remain in therapy for.
