Why Do Parents Hate Their Kids?

[Eleanor]

@Don't trip, really I am asking about both. What bits and pieces made up the process of realization? Do you know how early you felt/thought "what they are doing is just wrong"? And also, what about that last relationship "turned over the apple cart?" And what did that turning over look like from the inside? An epiphany? A revelation? Just a little "AHA so that's it, I knew that." Kind of acknowledgement?

@Fadeaway, Thank you for that reassurance! Honestly, I had to read your comment four or five times to process that you were saying I'd got it RIGHT!!!??? :facepalm::roflmao: Although I can't think how you could have said it more clearly. How brilliant that your husband is a grammarian! And a linguist to boot. Awesome. I trust he makes very funny jokes? People involved in the nuts and bolts of language often have a great deal of fun playing with it. I hope that's the case in your house.

On the serious side, it is interesting to me (as well as operationally important) how difficult it IS to communicate across certain "perspectives." There have been times when I have said to my H, "I love you and what can I do to help" and he takes it as an insult, which it surely was not intended as. And obviously I have my own little blinders on even as we speak. "Hearing" and "believing" seem to be more closely related than I thought. I have this problem when I teach Idealism (the idea that ideas are the basic stuff of the universe, not "stuff" aka "matter." ) students just instantly react - "He can't possibly be saying that!" But he is. And once they "get" that he is, then they can "hear" it. Or something like that.

 

[lifegetsbetter]

I am 47 years old. I have spent my entire life trying to figure out why my mom did not love me and treat me like a daughter. I have also struggled with self-esteem, trusting people, having direction and liking myself. I also tried therapy a few times and got angry that I did not feel better. The truth is - there is no answer why she is so evil. It is not because of how she was raised. I was raised like shit and I parent opposite of her. I love my child more than anything else in this world. I finally had to stop trying to figure her out because there is no good answer and it doesn't matter why anyway.

When I did this, I started healing. I banned her from my life and I am emotionally much happier. I don't have to worry about when she will say something mean or manipulate me. As far as the past abuse, I will never forget or understand but I had to let it go. I don't see it as forgiving, I just see it as letting it go because when you rehearse it in your mind it prevents you from living happy. It used to be a crutch that I used. Not intentionally. I wasn't even aware I was doing it until I got sick of feeling hurt and damaged.

I was never brought up in church and I am still skeptical of going to church. I believe in God and I have my own personal relationship with him. I don't need to go to a building to feel close or believe in him. I too mistrust religion. I feel like there are so many people that are dishonest and hide behind religion. There are many good people, don't get me wrong. I just choose to believe my way and avoid being uncomfortable. Believing and praying on my terms works just fine. There is a God and I unfortunately the bad experiences that we have teach us lessons. We just have to move on and have Faith that it gets better. LIFE IS HARD!!! It is unfair. It sucks for many people that are brought up in bad families. I know there are people that deal with worse and I feel for everyone that deals with abuse. There is happiness and healing for all of us.

 

[Cptcoffee]

My father was psychopathic and my mother narcissist...

Why can't we just kill these people? I wonder how humanity can ignore this and still claim to be good and they only help people who are already up on their feet.