Ever seen someone walk into a fountain/wall/off a curb/etc. because they’re so focused on their phone they’re paying zero attention to where they’re walking? Maybe snickered up your sleeve at what a complete moron they are, not paying attention to where they are and what’s going on around them? Or some idiot parent who is letting their kid run wild, bashing into other people, and screaming, and being an obnoxious brat whilst they are just obliviously chatting away to their girlfriend, or looking at shoes, or whatever? That’s civilians in a restaurant not paying any attention to anything but the phone person sitting across from them, for most vets/ cops/ anyone trained to be aware of their surroundings. At all times. But most especially when there are changing circumstances in play.
It’s not a PTSD thing, it’s a not-being-stupid thing. And you’ll get about as much traction with most vets in trying to get their full attention out in public, as you’d get with most parents, trying to get them to ignore their kids running into the street.
If you’re with a parent with their kids? You’re not going to have their full attention until the kids are either in bed asleep, or safe and sound elsewhere under someone else’s watchful eye. If you’re with a vet/cop/etc.? You’re not going to have their full attention, until you are 1:1. In private. And even then? Any time your privacy maaaay be interrupted (foot steps on the gravel drive, a creaking floorboard, etc.) their attention will split. It’s just the nature of the beast.
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Personally speaking? I won’t date anyone who looks like a squirrel on crack when we’re out in public. Whilst asking someone to NOT scan is asking them to walk into a fountain whilst texting, or let their kid run out into the street... the WAY that they scan happens to be rather important to me. The exact same way I have zip zero nada issues with territorial/alpha type men in general; I DO take issue with their claim-staking gestures. Hand on the small of my back? Lovely. Punching out the maître de? Accusing me of “making” men stare at me? Grabbing my ass? f*ck that noise. (Not that I don’t like having my ass grabbed, I do. But NOT as a way to show other men they have the right to, whilst others don’t.) Shrug. It’s just personal preference. Some women would hate the hand on the small of their back, or be insulted at not having their ass grabbed.
I scan. I have zero problem with the men I’m with scanning (and big problems, if they don’t). But I also have strong preferences on HOW they scan.
You might not want to be with anyone who scans. That’s fair.
You might not want to be with someone who scans in the way your BF scans. Also fair.
