Why do you choose to stay alive?

[MrMoonlight]

Because there must be better.

 

[Rani G2]

Because I want to see future Star trek episodes

 

[Cyberluddite]

I used to stay alive because I knew I'd be sent back to this level of existence if I committed suicide. There was always this sense in the back of my mind that if I got it right this time, I'd never have to come back unless I chose to.

These days, I guess I choose to stay alive because death is boring.

 

[AlohaDreaming]

My cat. He's like me, a little spooked and only likes certain people. My boyfriend and I specifically.

Plans to move to Hawaii, and create.

Seeing a live sea turtle.

The smell of my skin after I've been in the ocean and the texture of my hair from the salt water.

My boyfriend. He's always supported me, and if I gave up on life, he would be alone, and he was alone too long.

 

[erigby]

I honestly don't know. I just know I chose to go to the hospital rather than fight it anymore.
Why do some survive and others don't? Luck, I consider myself lucky, that is all. I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children. A comfortable home and a sweet loving pet. Financial security, health insurance...in the pain of MDD it did not even register...I only know for some reason I said take me to the hospital because I knew otherwise it wasn't going to end well. So lucky. It really could have gone either way. That was almost a year ago. I am grateful I went to the hospital. I was lucky.

 

[Maudlin]

My cat would have to be surrendered to the shelter I got her from if I died. She deserves to know she is loved and live in a comfortable house.

I have already invested so much time, energy, and money on college. It would pain me to see that go to waste.

My family would doctor the facts in order to tell whatever story cast the most flattering light on them. They'd get to erase everything about who I was and what I stood for.

Three of my grandmothers, who I love dearly, are suffering from terrible illnesses (breast cancer, stroke, and dementia, respectively). They rely on me for emotional support, transportation, home care, and companionship. I couldn't abandon them when they have never abandoned me.

My best friend is severely suicidal and I am too scared to imagine what she would do if I couldn't talk her down in the middle of the night.

I'm afraid I would botch the attempt and either end up institutionalized or with brain damage.

....the weird thing is that all these reasons are only things that make me feel more trapped in my life.

 

[Rose White]

Because random good things happen occasionally which validate my soul’s connection to lifesource, and so I know that more good will come if I am patient and seek out kind-hearted people.

 

[Treaty]

Last time I had considered suicide what stopped me was the fact that it’s ugly. I didn’t want to die while in agony and darkness. And I was later glad that I didn’t.

What is stopping me now is technical difficulties. Just thinking rationally about it it’s hard. I wish there was a giant clown on/off switch but there is not.

 

[Rose White]

Last time I had considered suicide what stopped me was the fact that it’s ugly.

Yeah, it’s gross, really really gross.

Sometimes life and recovery feels awkward and ugly, but not even close to that level.

Newborn babies might seem gross, but they aren’t really, and now I know that there are some things that are truly gross—suicide is one of them.

It’s not even necessarily the physical aspect, but everything that led up to it, all the circumstances and influences and abuse—that’s the source of the ugly and the gross—and the physical is a representation.

@Treaty sending you lots of love. I’m grateful for your honesty, as it helped me reflect. I hope you keep reaching out.

 

[ElleKaye]

Right now it's fear that I would either mess up or change my mind at the last minute and have to go to a hospital. I don't think I could deal with the repercussions of it.

 

[Treaty]

Yeah, it’s gross, really really gross.

Sometimes life and recovery feels awkward and ugly, bu...

Thank you. And thanks for reminding me too. It is ugly.

 

[littleoc]

I don't want to traumatize people around me.

I'd worry about my mother and siblings. And other family members.

Also, I've found meaning in doing things I love, trying to improve the world, and trying to be strong. I don't want my trauma to have the last laugh.

I'm a tiny, chemically reactive piece of the universe. So, even if I die? What does that solve, philosophically?

I'm glad I failed. I knew it was the "wrong" choice. I've lived through a lot, and a few more years haven't hurt anything so far! :)

Also, it's probably hard to write without hands. Or a pen. Unless Heaven has my dead pens?

I forgot to mention my service dog. She has saved my life. I owe it to her to let her have the last word on that :) She's a hard worker.