Why Does My Heart Drop?

[sonicwhite]

My heart drops when I get tempted to steal. To lust. To do anything that goes against my conscience. Is it a thyroid issue or is it the conviction of the Holy Ghost?


I have no clue and it's been going on for almost ten years. Thyroid issues can play a part in mental health. But also conviction and showed and called because I responded in the right way to Gods warning. The psychosis was more like God spanking me bad.


because I turned to Christ is the reason I call it chosen. I think God gives everybody a chance in life. It's how you respond to it.


Adversity is one of Gods ways to get your attention. Now many don't believe how I'm called. But I know I'll be a preacher and try to show others the way. So my heart drops only when I get tempted to sin. Obviously it's the Holy Ghost convicting me. But sometimes the breast plate hurts so bad that all I do is mourn.


If you want to be apart of Gods word and know Him that uniquely just ask Him into your hearts. Believe He is in there and things will start changing. I will tell you if I had no problems in the world I'm not a Christian. Because the Bible teaches that everybody endures some type of hardship.



I know I got on my pulpit. Please forgive me. I'm just happy but also wondering. I'm trying to stop things that hurt me. I would steal pain pills and lyrica. Than I ran out and God said to me you reap what you sow. So I understand now that I have to go by the rules.


I just hope my heart can make it to 108.

 

[7Cs]

It could be blood pressure. Maybe the thought of doing those things raises your anxiety and stress level which in turn can raise your blood pressure.

You want to live to 108?!

 

[sonicwhite]

7Cs said, you want to live to 108? Actually the thought of death scares me but it has also had a lot of the sting tooken away but my faith. But when ppl die that I tried to witness to it hurts bad.


Not that I'm judging. But if I go by what the Bible says their are going to be a lot of lost ppl. But Jesus is my God. I don't know what you or anyone else believes, but I know that when I felt the tug to accept Christ I did it immediately.

 

[7Cs]

I do not want to live to 108! lol

 

[Deleted member 34328]

ME NEITHER!!! Not even 100. Die peacefully in my sleep... idealistic thinking most likely.

@sonicwhite I think I hear what you're saying. Please clarify if I'm wrong. You feel the need to steal, desire, take what isn't yours to take (lust) but feel checked inside each time. You attribute that to the Holy Spirit's prompting you and reminding you to resist. When you realize what you're feeling, you feel like a "thunk". Your heart drops and you become discouraged that once again, you've fallen into temptation. So far am I right?

I was raised in a Christian family and attended church from the time my mother brought me home from the hospital. I'm 40 now. While going through this struggle of PTSD, I can safely say I lost my faith. Perhaps I had the wrong ideas of what or who God is, my expectations weren't met or He just left me in the lurch when I had put my life and marriage on the line to do what was right. I still question, why or how could this have happened? If God truly cared and loved me the way the Bible says He does, then this is a very cruel way to show it. Now I have PTSD for life and trauma that I may never recover from. Working on it? Yes. Working hard.

Reason I'm saying all this is because I grew up in a very legalistic environment. Pray, confess = peace. Anxiety is sin, therefore cast all fears on God and you will find peace. If you still feel anxiety than pray some more. "All things work together for good to them that love God..." I know all the verses. Memorized them years ago. Attended Bible School for 2 years. I'm well versed in all this.

However, when trauma hit, a lot of this really doesn't matter. I suffer from depression, anxiety, fear, nightmares, flashbacks etc... PTSD has side effects. One of them is anxiety. That's not a sin. It's part of this disorder. Depression comes with the territory. It's not a sin either. Read Psalm 13, 43 & 44. No way you can ignore that people in the Bible didn't struggle just as we do. However, the anxiety spoken of, is not related to PTSD. It's anxiety pure and simple. Worry. Being troubled. Not beat yourself up over something you can't control.

I have a very close Christian friend who is extremely strong in her faith. She alone knows everything about my trauma and has been walking with me from the beginning. Reason I was drawn to her? She never judged or pushed me in any way. She accepted me for who I am and acknowledged the horror of what I've been through. Still is. When I ask a question, she'll answer. To me, that's how the Holy Spirit works. Not beats us upside the head, rather reaches down where we're at without judgement and gently holds us up. I still have my moments. Many of them at times. Her inbox gets filled with my spiritual venting. Again, I believe that's how the Holy Spirit works. Does He convict of sin? Absolutely! Does He care about our heart conditions? Yes! However, don't mistake the impact that PTSD has on your own mental health.

I'm not trying to disprove or dissect down what you're saying. Having grown up in that environment, I'm just well educated in this and have had these struggles. A lot of what you're describing is very legalistic. My parents and home church are legalistic as well. I don't fit in anymore. I'm not the same person I was. I don't think things are nearly as black and white as is often portrayed. I'm reading what you've shared, and it seems to me that you have very little room for shades of grey.

Again, perhaps I'm completely wrong and misread what you've said. As I said, please clarify if I'm wrong. Just please know that God works in ways we don't know or understand. We were never meant to. Just because I may choose not to believe it, doesn't make it not true. I don't feel God being gentle or reaching down, in fact sometimes I'd much rather He leave me alone completely. But that's the legalistic brainwashing I've had for 36 years. Now I know better.

 

[7Cs]

I believe in "God" as a higher power but not in the same way as I did when I was young.

 

[Gs172003]

ME NEITHER!!! Not even 100. Die peacefully in my sleep... idealistic thinking most likely.

Whoever told you anxiety is a sin is wrong. Nowhere in the Bible does it say we will live in roses and rainbows. The apostle Paul prayed for "the thorn to be removed from his flesh" and God told him no. He was told his Grace was sufficient.
Temptation isn't either it's what you DO with it that matters. Even Christ was tempted.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Whoever told you anxiety is a sin is wrong. Nowhere in the Bible does it say we will live in roses and r...

It's sad how religious views get used so 'out of context' and as a justification for something completely unrelated.

I was in a position at one point not that long ago where I was told my anxiety was a sin. Told me I had more unconfessed sin. I believed it and the result was deeper depression. My Therapist helped me to see that.

Doesn't change that everyone has the right and freedom to believe what they do. I wasn't trying to disprove or offend anyone with my post. It's just that if there's one topic that really gets me going it's this.

I can't deal with some of this. Too many people see only in black and white. I was one of those. Not anymore.

It's very possible I read it all wrong. I am sorry if I hurt anyone with my response.

 

[Fadeaway]

I really can't see what thyroid would have to do with it. That feeling could be anxiety, it could also be grief that comes about as a result from empathy for the people would would otherwise hurt.

 

[Gs172003]

It's sad how religious views get used so 'out of context' and as a justification for something complete...

Not at all. It's sad to me that there are so many that use the bible as an excuse to control other people's emotions. Christ cried. Christ got angry. It's what he did with it that mattered. Don't let anybody tell you your feelings are sin....what you DO with it is what matters.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

It's what he did with it that mattered

I agree. I was reminded just last week about the anger of God. ex When He went into the temple and found it being used for selling and buying animals and birds as sacrifices. It was a righteous anger.

I responded to the person who upset with me for my anxiety because I didn't know any better. I didn't understand, was confused and more depressed than ever. However, I'm not that person anymore. @sonicwhite probably is perfectly sincere in his desire to help people. Sharing ones beliefs with a passion is a good thing. Especially when you feel you have an answer that works. His experience is genuine. I really believe that. I just don't share it the way he does. That doesn't invalidate his feelings though. I have no right to judge or condemn a person because I've experienced differently and view the same scenario from a completely different set of lenses.

I also believe I'm right. We all do. I was badly hurt by well meaning Christians. As result, I've become very selective in who I trust. It comes down to pretty much no one in Christian circles. That's really too bad. The ignorance of people towards the reality of PTSD is sorely lacking. As a result it damages relationships in a way that can be almost impossible to repair and isolates both parties.

 

[Gs172003]

I agree. I was reminded just last week about the anger of God. ex When He went into the temple and fo...

:( awwww as a Christian that makes me sad. But I get it. Some of my favorite people are Christian. Some of my least favorite claim to be :)