numbercruncher
New Here
Hi Everyone,
My name is numbercruncher and I am a survivor of domestic violence that consisted of severe physical, sexual and mental abuse. I don't celebrate Christmas anymore because of a series of events that happened five years ago this month and my family doesn't understand at all. Sorry this is long but I have never told anyone the full story about what happened and I need to get it off my chest
The abuse I went through had always been bad but it reached a head towards the fall of 2011. In October of 2011 my ex-husband threatened me with a gun for the first time. I never reported this incident or any of the abuse for that matter to police because my ex-husband told me that I would be the one jailed because he was an engineer for a top defense contractor and I was "just an unemployed bipolar nut".
In mid December of 2011 the threats with the gun became a daily part of my reality. My ex became increasingly unhinged and would often rape me in the morning and then call work to say that he was going to be late just so he could terrorize me for an hour or two. At the time I had a Boxer dog named Beaker and when Beaker would try to defend me, my ex-husband would take out his rage on Beaker.
We flew from Texas back to our hometown to visit family for the holidays and the abuse continued. We were staying with my ex-husband's family and they turned a blind eye to the abuse. While we were staying in his parent's guest room I spilled a small amount of water on the already dirty and decade old carpet in the room. My ex flew into a rage and tried to hit me! When I began screaming, his mother came out and told me to calm down and "quit disturbing everyone" because he “really wasn't” going to hit me. He was just "trying to scare" me according to her. My ex's brother's wife then stormed out of the next room and began yelling at me because apparently my screaming woke up her infant daughter. I was also raped daily in that same guest room by my ex-husband during that visit. My now ex-inlaws apparently knew what was happening in that room yet did absolutely nothing to stop it!
On Christmas Day 2011 my ex-husband and I went to my mom and stepdad's house for dinner. My ex-husband stuck his hands down my pants and groped my genitals during dinner. Several people at the table witnessed the incident. When we got back to my ex-inlaws house something came over me and I went off on my ex for the incident. In my mind at the time, it was fine to humiliate me in private, but in front of my own family was another thing! My ex-husband's brother's wife then began screaming at me and called me "a selfish person" for complaining about the abuse. She had just had a baby that fall and she accused me of "ruining" her daughter's first Christmas because I kept "making a scene". I never heard "Are you hurt?" "Are you scared?" "Is there anything that we can do to help you?" from ANY of my ex-husband's family!
When we got back to Alabama the abuse just got worse. I was also continually harassed on Facebook by the ex's brother's wife for the "stunt" that I pulled at Christmas. She swore up and down that my "marriage wouldn't last" and that "the whole family hated me". I had finally come to my senses and was already plotting my escape so I told her that "I didn't give a shit" if it didn't last. I didn't give much thought to the holidays at that time.
I ended up divorcing my abuser and moving back to my hometown in the summer of 2012. After my divorce was finalized that July, I quickly met and fell in love with a “Jewish Redneck” who had just been stationed at the local Air Force base. Its a long story but we were crazy about each other from the start and that man is now my second husband and my best friend. One thing he noticed for the first couple years of our relationship was that my PTSD always got really bad if we did anything for Christmas, often causing a lot of trouble with my family at family gatherings. We did an experiment last December where instead of celebrating the holiday and having me suffer for yet another year, we would just go to visit his parents on their farm.
On December 25th 2015, I went hiking on the farm all day with my husband and his parents and it was wonderful! We packed a picnic and ate an early dinner in a field! Of course being Jewish, my husband and his parents didn't acknowledge the holiday in any shape or form. It was the first Christmas that I had made it through without crying uncontrollably in a few years. That little experiment made me realize that in order to keep my PTSD at bay during that time of the year, that I can't celebrate Christmas anymore in ANY way even if its just going to someone's house for dinner.
I gradually announced my decision to not celebrate Christmas over the past few months via Facebook comments and posts as I didn't want to make some huge announcement at a family gathering. Let's just say that my family was NOT happy! They all know how bad the Christmas of 2011 was for me but all they can say is “Just look past it!”. You just don't say that to someone with PTSD. My grandmother even decided to lecture me on the importance of the holiday and how “Its the most wonderful time of the year!” She then decided to ask my husband if he was “okay” with it! She has known that he is Jewish since I introduced him to her 4 years ago so why would a Jewish guy care if his wife doesn't celebrate Christmas, a holiday as insignificant to him as Passover is to her?
My name is numbercruncher and I am a survivor of domestic violence that consisted of severe physical, sexual and mental abuse. I don't celebrate Christmas anymore because of a series of events that happened five years ago this month and my family doesn't understand at all. Sorry this is long but I have never told anyone the full story about what happened and I need to get it off my chest
The abuse I went through had always been bad but it reached a head towards the fall of 2011. In October of 2011 my ex-husband threatened me with a gun for the first time. I never reported this incident or any of the abuse for that matter to police because my ex-husband told me that I would be the one jailed because he was an engineer for a top defense contractor and I was "just an unemployed bipolar nut".
In mid December of 2011 the threats with the gun became a daily part of my reality. My ex became increasingly unhinged and would often rape me in the morning and then call work to say that he was going to be late just so he could terrorize me for an hour or two. At the time I had a Boxer dog named Beaker and when Beaker would try to defend me, my ex-husband would take out his rage on Beaker.
We flew from Texas back to our hometown to visit family for the holidays and the abuse continued. We were staying with my ex-husband's family and they turned a blind eye to the abuse. While we were staying in his parent's guest room I spilled a small amount of water on the already dirty and decade old carpet in the room. My ex flew into a rage and tried to hit me! When I began screaming, his mother came out and told me to calm down and "quit disturbing everyone" because he “really wasn't” going to hit me. He was just "trying to scare" me according to her. My ex's brother's wife then stormed out of the next room and began yelling at me because apparently my screaming woke up her infant daughter. I was also raped daily in that same guest room by my ex-husband during that visit. My now ex-inlaws apparently knew what was happening in that room yet did absolutely nothing to stop it!
On Christmas Day 2011 my ex-husband and I went to my mom and stepdad's house for dinner. My ex-husband stuck his hands down my pants and groped my genitals during dinner. Several people at the table witnessed the incident. When we got back to my ex-inlaws house something came over me and I went off on my ex for the incident. In my mind at the time, it was fine to humiliate me in private, but in front of my own family was another thing! My ex-husband's brother's wife then began screaming at me and called me "a selfish person" for complaining about the abuse. She had just had a baby that fall and she accused me of "ruining" her daughter's first Christmas because I kept "making a scene". I never heard "Are you hurt?" "Are you scared?" "Is there anything that we can do to help you?" from ANY of my ex-husband's family!
When we got back to Alabama the abuse just got worse. I was also continually harassed on Facebook by the ex's brother's wife for the "stunt" that I pulled at Christmas. She swore up and down that my "marriage wouldn't last" and that "the whole family hated me". I had finally come to my senses and was already plotting my escape so I told her that "I didn't give a shit" if it didn't last. I didn't give much thought to the holidays at that time.
I ended up divorcing my abuser and moving back to my hometown in the summer of 2012. After my divorce was finalized that July, I quickly met and fell in love with a “Jewish Redneck” who had just been stationed at the local Air Force base. Its a long story but we were crazy about each other from the start and that man is now my second husband and my best friend. One thing he noticed for the first couple years of our relationship was that my PTSD always got really bad if we did anything for Christmas, often causing a lot of trouble with my family at family gatherings. We did an experiment last December where instead of celebrating the holiday and having me suffer for yet another year, we would just go to visit his parents on their farm.
On December 25th 2015, I went hiking on the farm all day with my husband and his parents and it was wonderful! We packed a picnic and ate an early dinner in a field! Of course being Jewish, my husband and his parents didn't acknowledge the holiday in any shape or form. It was the first Christmas that I had made it through without crying uncontrollably in a few years. That little experiment made me realize that in order to keep my PTSD at bay during that time of the year, that I can't celebrate Christmas anymore in ANY way even if its just going to someone's house for dinner.
I gradually announced my decision to not celebrate Christmas over the past few months via Facebook comments and posts as I didn't want to make some huge announcement at a family gathering. Let's just say that my family was NOT happy! They all know how bad the Christmas of 2011 was for me but all they can say is “Just look past it!”. You just don't say that to someone with PTSD. My grandmother even decided to lecture me on the importance of the holiday and how “Its the most wonderful time of the year!” She then decided to ask my husband if he was “okay” with it! She has known that he is Jewish since I introduced him to her 4 years ago so why would a Jewish guy care if his wife doesn't celebrate Christmas, a holiday as insignificant to him as Passover is to her?
