Why is the oven so bad?

[EveHarrington]

I’m really concerned about your safety.

Have you talked to your therapist again?

I think it would be a good idea to make a plan to keep you safe.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

If you would have concerns about someone else's safety in the situation but not your own, then it's not that you are safe in the situation when others wouldn't be, it's that you are lacking the necessary concern for your own safety.

I know this intellectually. But I'm having a really, really hard time managing to actually understand it. I just feel like, for whatever reason, I'm not at risk at all.

I'd say this is rather serious.

But how serious is serious? I can't seem to see it that way. I can't seem to understand that I might be at risk at all.

I'd say get rid of the oven and get a microwave, Crock-Pot and griddle. You don't need an oven. Period.

Can't get rid of the oven; I live in a rental.

I’m really concerned about your safety.

Have you talked to your therapist again?

I'm safe, I promise. Haven't talked to my therapist yet but will see them later in the week. I will be okay, I promise.

 

[joeylittle]

What kind of oven, gas or electric?

 

[EveHarrington]

I think this is very serious. You have a part that is putting you in danger and you can’t keep yourself safe. I’m concerned that you don’t see this as being serious. It’s very serious. You can’t even sign a safety contract as it’s another part that is doing the harm. You could end up dead due to a part that wants you to die. Please call your therapist first thing in the morning.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@joeylittle It's gas.

@EveHarrington I will try. Going to bed right now instead.

 

[joeylittle]

I’m really, really struggling to see this as a problem. I just don’t think I would ever get hurt, I just don’t think I would be able to stand the heat long enough for damage to be done.

And to answer either way...

It’s not just you that you are endangering. And it’s not just the heat.

So, it’s a gas oven - it really doesn’t take much to build up a dangerous level of gas. You could pass out, and that would pretty much be the end of the building you live in. The gas is much more dangerous than the heat.

You’re doing something that is not uncommon, for people who are struggling with suicidal thoughts: you’re trying to find the boundary line, the edge where it changes from being something you’re in control of to something you’re not.

I thought I had incredible impulse control. Until the day I didn’t.

You won’t see it coming. And it’s dangerous, when you suddenly can’t stop yourself.

Also - by doing what you are doing, you’re essentially rehearsing. The more you practice, the easier it will seem. That is a very dangerous thing.

But even if you have no regard for your own life right now - you are seriously endangering the lives of everyone in your building. Gas builds up. It leaks, it travels. Do you want to be the reason other people become ill or die, just because to your depression-brain it’s not that big of a deal?

I doubt that’s what you want.

 

[Neverthesame]

But how serious is serious? I can't seem to see it that way. I can't seem to understand that I might be at risk at all.

Sudden, permanent, debilitating and out of your immediate control. Pretty damn serious.

If I were at home holding a loaded gun to my own head. I'd put that at about a 7 of 10 on a serious scale.
Pretty high up there, but I am still in charge. To not die, all I need do is nothing.

At 8 of 10 would be someone else holding the gun, who is uncertain about killing you.
To not die, you'd need to do something to convince them you're better off breathing.
You have some control. Play your cards right, and you will live.

Your current situation looks like a 9 of 10.
Someone is holding a gun to your head while your having a nap.
You have no control, as you aren't cognisant of the danger. You're survival is dependent on the choice made by the person holding the gun.

You are trusting that a part that is trying to kill you, won't actually let you die.
You really want to put your faith in someone who's sticking your head in an oven?

For God's sakes, it's doing something that sooner or later will kill you.
Would you still think it was not serious if another physical person broke into your place and put a gun to your head?

Just because you don't see the gun doesn't mean the bullet isn't real.

 

[Mach123]

Are they going to force you to go inpatient? How do they treat an attempt where you are? You should go impatient and get stabilised in my opinion? My therapist would have me locked up if I told her that. And she should for my own safety. I hope you get help and feel better. Your asking for help I think which is good if you hadn't told anyone that'd be worse.

 

[Neverthesame]

I hope you get help and feel better.

I think we all do.

Your asking for help I think which is good if you hadn't told anyone that'd be worse.

This. I agree, wholeheartedly.
I believe you, @theshadowoftheliving that you say you are having trouble feeling the seriousness, despite understanding on an academic level.

No judgement from me, I just hope that one of us can say the right words in the right order to help get it to click in your heart as it is in your head.

 

[Freida]

oh hun......

I agree with all of the above as far as the dangers of the oven and the risk of blowing up other people with your gas oven. But I also see the confusion that you don't know this is an issue. You are doing something incredibly dangerous because you are dissociated - which I'm guessing is why you don't know it's a problem. So can you ask yourself to trust those around you? I have a friend with a brain injury who doesn't understand danger, so before she does something she stops and asks herself what her husband would think if she did it. If she thinks it would upset him - she stops. She NEVER understands why what she wants to do is dangerous. She has to completely rely on his thought process to keep her safe.

maybe you can try that for the time being? What would your T, or your family, or the people here think about what you are doing? Can you trust them to tell you its dangerous even if you don't understand why right now?

Another thought might be to use some electrical tape or fasteners to tie the oven door closed. If you make it harder to get it open it might give you time to come back to reality.

And here's another thought -- take this thread into your T the next time you see her. It might help her see how deep your confusion is running

 

[EveHarrington]

Did you call your therapist today?

Just want you to be safe.

Hugs.

 

[Tinyflame]

I agree with the others, and just humbly offer- do you think the feeling it is of little consequence is a state of dissociation itself? Could you accept, on faith, that doing so could result in the death of many, let alone yourself? And even if it doesn't make sense, on faith bring this to your T and let them direct what is necessary?

Because of SI, I do not drink alone; I try to head to groups in public, church, malls, etc etc. At one time I avoided balconies, took stuff to try to knock myself out at night. Etc. 'Because'. I didn't/ don't have to accept it, or analyze it. I just have to 'do' it.

Go to your T, e-mail, whatever. Forward this thread. Trust their judgement. Make it the #1 priority to do. Everything else comes second, 'because'.

Hugs to you. :hug: