Why The F*** Am I So Angry And Sad At The Same Time??

[Deleted member 28862]

So....It's almost been an entire year since coming to he glorious site. I must say, everyone who has talked to me here has been more than just "help" for me. It's also one year since I was taken advantage of, I've come to hate the latter months of the year. Since Oct first I've been ....what feels like drifting into pure insanity. I left my job to focus on my mental and physical health, I told everyone to study but I'm not ready for that nor do I have the funds for it.

It's just I've just been so f*cking angry or sad, if it's not one extreme it's the next. The suicidal thoughts has started again, they're almost as bad as it was when I was 14-17. Now that I'm unemployed I have nothing to do but think, and it's driving me insane, I have many things I want to do, but don't have the resources, people would say make them and I don't have the money. It's being stuck between a rock and hard place.

It's getting so extremely difficult to even look at myself, I keep getting dragged back to that night I allowed myself to be used or allowed people to talk to me what ever way they want to and I get really depressed or angry. I'm usually extremely good at hiding my emotions but if my clueless sister-in-law to be can pick up on some weird vibes.... I must be slipping in some ways. I'm just so tired and I honestly can't see no way out. I'm just going as the days sun up and sun down. I don't know what to do anymore, I just want to erase my existence altogether.

 

[Gadgie]

I can feel the pain in your post, and I can understand it. The reason why I can understand it, is because I've felt like that before, and it's hard to pull yourself up from it.

The frustration and anger eats away, until you can't even think straight any more, and sleep is not even an option.

When I feel like that, I take one of them knock out pills, and that puts me into a deep sleep that can last for fourteen hours! That seems to give me the strength to carry on and face life once again.

The anger I feel towards my late wife's family, the ones that shattered my trust, and killed all my confidence, is still there when I wake up. But I know I have to rise above all that, other wise I'm no better than them, and I know deep inside, that I am.

I hope you will get over this, you have the support of everyone in here to help you.

 

[Deleted member 28862]

I can feel the pain in your post, and I can understand it. The reason why I can understand it, is because...

I really hope I get out if too, and I honestly want to. You aid something about pills, unfortunately things like that I have a tendency to get addicted to...like nyquil, I think I should stay off most things that'll make me sleep unless I'm really sick

 

[Truthful_Whispers]

Anger and sadness often go hand in hand, at least for me anyway. I hope things get better for you soon. I am in an emotional rut also..

 

[Teddy Bear]

I really hope I get out if too, and I honestly want to. You aid something about pills, unfortunately thi...

They do make non-habit forming sleep pills but I am in the same boat as you. wanting to avoid them at all cost unless necessary.